Anxiety about Scans

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dorookie
dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1

Hello Everyone,

 

I hope everyone is all ready for the Holidays, finished up my last bit of shopping yesterday.  I also had my scans yesterday, waiting on the results as i type this.  I called my ONC and told them i want the results good or bad.  I am not expecting bad as I have been NED for over 5 years, but this Anxiety never goes away, well it hasnt for me any way.

So i do ask for prayers, well wishes or whatever you believe in, just put a good word in for me.

I sometimes think its not cool of me to post asking for such things being that i am over 5 years NED, even though that reduces the survival rate, the fear never leaves my mind. Then my mind goes into what would i do, would i do the treatment again, i have such horrible memories and feelings about chemo and radiation, then i think i should do it for my family, but then i think, it me having to go through all this not them, and my mind just goes on and on, then i realize i am having nothing but negative thoughts, then i kick myself in the butt and try to start thinking positive. I havent been feeling well for the last month or so, so that adds to my fear and anxiety, I am sorry, i guess i am just venting.

Well i will stop the rambling and just say, thank you to all of you, God Bless all of you, and i pray that a cure or some type of relief is in each of yours near future.

HUGS
BETH

Comments

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,796 Member
    #2
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    you deserve to be here posting just as much as any of us, regardless of our stage or how long we have been NED. In fact, I think its wonderful to hear from people when they are years and years NED. The hope you give us is beyond words. 

    And once you have Cancer, it doesn't matter how many years you are told your 'Cancer free', you are never free from it in your mind. Forever waiting for the other shoe to fall. Every ache or pain, every day you don't feel so well, always the mind goes to Cancer.  So please, please don't feel bad about posting. We're happy you are NED, and we will certainly pray for your results to continue to be so. 

    Happy Christmas friend, Beth. May 2015 be another great year for you. 

    Sue - Trubrit

  • fatbob2010
    fatbob2010 Member Posts: 467 Member
    #3
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    Good results

    Beth,

    I bet that there is nothing to fear...Scanxiety is real and not to make fun of though.

    We need your input into the board as well as that of others who have been able to keep this bast at bay.  As for me, Good News is a speecial treat that brings hope and a promise of tomorrow.

    Please keep posting and sharing your NEDness.

    Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays,

    Art

  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    #4
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    Trubrit said:

    you deserve to be here posting just as much as any of us, regardless of our stage or how long we have been NED. In fact, I think its wonderful to hear from people when they are years and years NED. The hope you give us is beyond words. 

    And once you have Cancer, it doesn't matter how many years you are told your 'Cancer free', you are never free from it in your mind. Forever waiting for the other shoe to fall. Every ache or pain, every day you don't feel so well, always the mind goes to Cancer.  So please, please don't feel bad about posting. We're happy you are NED, and we will certainly pray for your results to continue to be so. 

    Happy Christmas friend, Beth. May 2015 be another great year for you. 

    Sue - Trubrit

    Thank you Sue,

    I really appreciate your kind words. There was a time i was like the wallpaper in the room here, always on, then when i hit about the 2 year NED mark, i found i was consumed with cancer still, so i started spending less and less time, and more time trying to live.  I am around alot but dont post as much.  I will continue to post, you made me feel much better about it, so i thank you. :)

     

    Merry Christmas to you and your family....AND heres to a new year with lots and lots of good health!!

     

    HUGS
    BETH

  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    #5
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    fatbob2010 said:

    Good results

    Beth,

    I bet that there is nothing to fear...Scanxiety is real and not to make fun of though.

    We need your input into the board as well as that of others who have been able to keep this bast at bay.  As for me, Good News is a speecial treat that brings hope and a promise of tomorrow.

    Please keep posting and sharing your NEDness.

    Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays,

    Art

    Thank you Art,

    I so appreciate your words, yes i try to make sure i post every once in a while, as i remember always wanting to hear from some of the old timers that had beat the beast and that too gave the rest of us hope!!

    I will continue to post, and hopefully it will be all about remaining NED, still waiting on the results, i dont expect bad news, but anyway, will keep you posted.

     

    Happy Holidays to you and yours

    GOD BLESS ALWAYS
    HUGS
    BETH

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    #6
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    Dear Beth

    Regardless of current status, everyone who has ever found their way to this site remains part of the "gang" and therefore entitled to all the good wishes, vibes, prayers, etc. that are needed at any particular time.  So here comes yours!

    I too don't post as much as I once did.  It was 5 yrs last week that I was diagnosed. 

    May your scan be all clear and the New Year bring fantastic news in the fight against cancers of all kinds.

    Hugs and love,

    Marie who loves kitties

  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #7
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    Lovekitties said:

    Dear Beth

    Regardless of current status, everyone who has ever found their way to this site remains part of the "gang" and therefore entitled to all the good wishes, vibes, prayers, etc. that are needed at any particular time.  So here comes yours!

    I too don't post as much as I once did.  It was 5 yrs last week that I was diagnosed. 

    May your scan be all clear and the New Year bring fantastic news in the fight against cancers of all kinds.

    Hugs and love,

    Marie who loves kitties

    Beth

    Dear Beth.....I read your post out to my husband and he said...." is that one of your posts Mags?" haha same time line 5 years NED and the fear never really goes away.  Please never apologize for asking for a hand or a prayer .....but I do know what you mean.  I feel self conscious every time I get the bad scaniety blues and then blab here looking for help//////so darling girl.....

    we are all part of a great big whole all mixed up together.....all in various parts of the journey.....we all desire love and support no matter what.....

    sending you a great big hug and a ton of prayers for the very best results......

    mags

  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    #8
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    maglets said:

    Beth

    Dear Beth.....I read your post out to my husband and he said...." is that one of your posts Mags?" haha same time line 5 years NED and the fear never really goes away.  Please never apologize for asking for a hand or a prayer .....but I do know what you mean.  I feel self conscious every time I get the bad scaniety blues and then blab here looking for help//////so darling girl.....

    we are all part of a great big whole all mixed up together.....all in various parts of the journey.....we all desire love and support no matter what.....

    sending you a great big hug and a ton of prayers for the very best results......

    mags

    Thank you Marie and Mags,

    I appreciate all the prayers i can get. I was just told i cant get the results till Monday when the doctor is back in the office, which honestly worries me a little, because she has given out results before with the Doc just saying okay when she was away from the office, but its probably me just being scared that i tend to think negatively so fast. So i told myself, self whats it going to hurt, one more Christmas cancer free untill i hear otherwise, thats my plan and I am sticking to it. :)

    Merry Christmas to you both, sending hugs and prayers to you and yours during this holiday season

     

    HUGS
    BETH

  • wolfen
    wolfen Member Posts: 1,324 Member
    #9
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    dorookie said:

    Thank you Marie and Mags,

    I appreciate all the prayers i can get. I was just told i cant get the results till Monday when the doctor is back in the office, which honestly worries me a little, because she has given out results before with the Doc just saying okay when she was away from the office, but its probably me just being scared that i tend to think negatively so fast. So i told myself, self whats it going to hurt, one more Christmas cancer free untill i hear otherwise, thats my plan and I am sticking to it. :)

    Merry Christmas to you both, sending hugs and prayers to you and yours during this holiday season

     

    HUGS
    BETH

    Beth

    It is great that you are still posting and giving hope to others. Don't let that overzealous "fear" gene bother you. All will be fine.

    Hoping you and your family have a wonderful Christmas.

    Luv,

    Wolfen

  • Fight for my love
    Fight for my love Member Posts: 1,522 Member
    #10
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    Hi Beth, I am praying NED for

    Hi Beth, I am praying NED for you. Merry Christmas.

  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    #11
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    wolfen said:

    Beth

    It is great that you are still posting and giving hope to others. Don't let that overzealous "fear" gene bother you. All will be fine.

    Hoping you and your family have a wonderful Christmas.

    Luv,

    Wolfen

    Fear is a powerful emotion

    Fear ruled my life for at least a few years after first becoming NED, the moment i got an all clear scan i immediatly started worrying about the next one, it was a crazy rollercoaster ride, one that i finnally got off of.  Even being NED for over 5 years isnt a guarnetee it wont come back, so the fear takes hold again at every scan, but i do try to get ahold of it a little better each time.

    Merry Christmas to you too

    HUGS
    BETH

  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    #12
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    Fight for my love said:

    Hi Beth, I am praying NED for

    Hi Beth, I am praying NED for you. Merry Christmas.

    Thank you so much

    I will take all the prayers i can get, Merry Christmas to you and yours, GOD Bless

    HUGS
    BETH

  • Grace14
    Grace14 Member Posts: 65
    #13
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    dorookie said:

    Thank you so much

    I will take all the prayers i can get, Merry Christmas to you and yours, GOD Bless

    HUGS
    BETH

    How were your scans? 

    How were your scans? 

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #14
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    Praying that all went well.  Did you get your results yet?  Think about you often.

    Kim

  • Grace14
    Grace14 Member Posts: 65
    #15
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    Annabelle41415 said:

    Praying that all went well.  Did you get your results yet?  Think about you often.

    Kim

    I know me too!

    I know me too!

  • aggie0053
    aggie0053 Member Posts: 110
    #16
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    Grace14 said:

    I know me too!

    I know me too!

    speaking of scans i'm scared

    speaking of scans i'm scared too, finished chemo oct 1st had scan  it was clear now it's my 3 mth jan 10th i'm trying not to think about it but, anyway congrats on 5 yrs ned

  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215 Member
    #17
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    Congratulations on 5 years

    Congratulations on 5 years NED. Scanxiety never really goes away for me either. Sometimes it is worse than others. It is just another terrible thing that we have to indure weather we are NED or not.

  • Grace14
    Grace14 Member Posts: 65
    #18
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    janderson1964 said:

    Congratulations on 5 years

    Congratulations on 5 years NED. Scanxiety never really goes away for me either. Sometimes it is worse than others. It is just another terrible thing that we have to indure weather we are NED or not.

    Still no word on Beth's

    Still no word on Beth's results! I hope everything is okay!

  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    #19
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    Grace14 said:

    Still no word on Beth's

    Still no word on Beth's results! I hope everything is okay!

    I got the call Finnally

    My ONC was on vacation for the holidays, and the nurse wouldnt tell me anything which created even more stress and anxiety if that is possible. I have a weird feeling even after i got the call, the nurse who i usually talk to, she just didnt sound the same to me, she was kind of distant, when she called and i answered, i knew by the number who was calling, she started in with wanting to set an appointment for the doctor to go over the scans, she asked when i was available, and i said well do i need to be seen immediately, she said no, i then asked so the scans were clear???? and she said yes there was nothing to worry about, that i was good to go, but her tone of vouce was just so distant, now mind you this is from a southern woman who is usually upbeat and happy as heck.  Maybe she was having a bad day or i dont know, just gave me room to worry just a little bit, i know most would call me crazy, and actually i am starting to think i am going crazy LOL, but until i have something to worry about i am doing my best not to worry and i see my ONC on the 20th to go over the scans....

     

    Thanks to everyone for all the prayers and well wishes, they have proven over and over to work, so I thank you from my heart!!!

     

    HUGS
    Beth

  • Friendinpenn
    Friendinpenn Member Posts: 70
    #20
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    dorookie said:

    I got the call Finnally

    My ONC was on vacation for the holidays, and the nurse wouldnt tell me anything which created even more stress and anxiety if that is possible. I have a weird feeling even after i got the call, the nurse who i usually talk to, she just didnt sound the same to me, she was kind of distant, when she called and i answered, i knew by the number who was calling, she started in with wanting to set an appointment for the doctor to go over the scans, she asked when i was available, and i said well do i need to be seen immediately, she said no, i then asked so the scans were clear???? and she said yes there was nothing to worry about, that i was good to go, but her tone of vouce was just so distant, now mind you this is from a southern woman who is usually upbeat and happy as heck.  Maybe she was having a bad day or i dont know, just gave me room to worry just a little bit, i know most would call me crazy, and actually i am starting to think i am going crazy LOL, but until i have something to worry about i am doing my best not to worry and i see my ONC on the 20th to go over the scans....

     

    Thanks to everyone for all the prayers and well wishes, they have proven over and over to work, so I thank you from my heart!!!

     

    HUGS
    Beth

    Scanxiety! I know Your Fellinigs!

    Beth...Believe me , and I know you do....My next appointment is January 23rd....

    Even the talk of another scan fears me at night which causes my nightly insomnia....

    I have nearly 5 years of remission from colon/liver/lung cancer with three operations, 31 chemos, and 28 radiations,

    I just became a 55 year old grandfather in July , but I will say, I don't want to do this stuff again....

     

    I wish you well.....I have opted out for more scans and  scopes, and needles, and everything else....I again wish you well

     

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