Jul 02, 2014 - 11:55 am
I have come to lay my feelings down as I have always done on this site. There is no other place to get rid of these feelings other than here...
We had my fathers celebration of life and I was honored to be the one to tell his friends how grateful I am to have had them in our village and how grateful I am for coming from the family I have. My parents actually did prepare us for this thing called living and though more than a thousand miles away were there for me while I fought for my life even if it was just over the phone.
18 years later and I have to face the toughest times loosng my anckers in this world my own parents and that is not easy I have found. My speech was of thanks for the things that shaped my life. Then my brother and his wife had some other news for us and she now has started her own battle for LIFE. I hate that things seem to come in threes though I never want to believe it but it does giving us a chance to breathe before another shoe drops. Coming from a family that has talked about living as much as dying made resigning to my own cancer just a little easier but never seems to dull the hurt.
I truly thought I was long from all those feeling from my diagnosis day but there I was with the same blood rushing sound while the tears are coming to my face. I think after I acted much like I did my fateful day and that wasn't the best of me for sure a little mad along the way. Yes I drank and thank goodness not as much as I did that day because I remember being so sick for more than a week already very ill with my cancer at that time. Wow the subconscious hangs onto everything it appears and I can only hope that my strength is still found in there. My mother looses her husband and companion and in a month hears such new of her beloved daughter inlaw another shock she must bear along with all the others going on... Right now I have never wished so hard I could be closer at this time and take comfort only in knowing my sister inlaw is in the best province for fighting her own BEAST. But I know better tha anyone else LIFE is a crap shoot not just those of us who have had to battle cancer and life is simpler than humans usually make it throughout our own time here.