Jun 19, 2014 - 4:46 pm
I was thinking about how the loss of my first wife has changed me, if it has at all. I believe so.
Life is different today, certainly than 4 years ago when she died July 29th. I realize many of you have recently lost a loved one and perspectives are subjective, we each have our own way of trying to deal with losses in life. I went through a period of extreme lonliness and anger after she died. Restablishing my identity was very difficult but absolutely necessary for me.
I guess the biggest change I have noticed in myself is not so much an alteration in personality but more insight. I'm aware of when I'm judging others, and when I'm sweating the "Small stuff" that in the big picture aren't that important. Somedays I'm successful and others not as much as I would like, but its okay.
I stop and take notice. I still laugh, show my wicked sense of humor, embarass my family with it, but as I said, I believe its more of an inner change.
At the risk of sounding blunt and forgive me if I am, I will address this in the first person. I had to realize painfully, that I did not die. I am still alive. Rather than feel survivors guilt (went through that too) I have a gift. A gift of honoring my departed one by giving to others, to be the complete person God intended me to be. Its on ongoing journey to be sure. But life is good, painful, mysterious and I am living it, today.
Thanks for letting me share.