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Welcome to Hogwarts~ A Primer for the New Ones not finding much emotional support at work and with "friends"!

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 4010
Joined: Oct 2009

These lovely, welcoming words were written by the late Chenheart.  No one ever said it better! I know she would want me to bump this up for our newbies:

 

So many new ones have joined our family of Kindred Spirits lately~we sigh that you have had to find us, but of course welcome you with open ♥

You may have noticed, or even posted about the fact that many of our friends, family members, co-workers and neighbors just don't "get it" and make what seem to be ( and sometimes ARE!) insensitive, rude, and dismissive comments about us and how we look, etc.

You don't know me well, but if you hang around the boards long enough,you will notice 2 things about me~I "steal" quotes that I like and apply them to our lives regularly, and I also liken our lives to books/movies! Who knew we would be Stars?! :-) And today, we are friends and schoolmates with no less than Harry Potter and Hermione and the entire gang!

So~ welcome to CSN, also known as Hogwarts~ the boarding school for witches and wizards! Like you, we were truly surprised when we realized that we would be leaving the lives we had known to enter a place so strange and unknown to us. Upon arriving, we were shocked to see how many witches and wizards already live here~ we thought it would be a tiny place, and that we would be isolated and alone. But No! Freshman, Sophomores, Juniors and Seniors, along with a host of professors surrounded us. Though it was frightening being the new one, we looked to the upperclassmen, those graduating, wondering if we would ever survive the curriculum.

Eventually, we settled in, and made good friends with other witches and wizards! Turns out, it's alot like any old school, after all! We know who the smart ones are, the social butterflies, the competitive one, the shy ones, the troubled ones, etc. We come into "home room", say hello to everyone, and hang out with our friends!

Our aforementioned families/friends/coworkers who don't "get it" are, of course, The Muggles. It isn't their fault~they are not part of the Hogwart student body and they really don't know quite how to relate to us. They look at us through different eyes, they are a bit afraid of us, puzzled by changes they see in us, and they want us back the way we were BEFORE we were tapped by the faculty at Hogwarts. Some of our Muggle family members are proud of the achievements we make, and they don't mind meeting our classmates. But some...well, they distance themselves and can't bring themselves to stay connected . It is discouraging...

So, take your seat here at Hogwarts! Know that those here with you are very much like you in ways you never imagined. You are indeed different, but that doesn't make you any less valuable. Educate yourself while you are here,and join in with the extra-curricular activities ! We exchange holiday ornaments, we celebrate birthdays, we visit each other, and most of all, we communicate and connect in important, life-long ways.

Oh, and feel free to borrow the notes and books you find here~ we are all willing to share what we learned in the previous semesters!! Asking questions and copying is actually encouraged!

Hugs,
Chen♥

LoveBabyJesus's picture
LoveBabyJesus
Posts: 1654
Joined: Jan 2011

I remember our Chen! My favorite word from her was "noncologist".

Thank you for sharing this.

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 4010
Joined: Oct 2009

I loved that word.  Thanks for reminding me.

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 4010
Joined: Oct 2009

Bumping for all the newcomers.

Tammy2014
Posts: 9
Joined: May 2014

Thank you for the warm welcome, have been reading all the posts and taking all i need from them, whether it be support, advice, encouragement, or just happy chuckle that yea we do have our happy moments too lol. one think that really amazes me is that some people automaticly think negative if i share were im at on my road to recovery..seriously? Let me expalin lol

I started my chemo today and it was a really good day for me was and am in high spirits! Before i left i posted to face book that was were i was at in my journey going to the city to start chemo and would be in the city for two days so any family freinds could get on the phone and let me know if they were there too so we could all hook up for a nice big glass of Water, water for me coffee for them unless i splurge and have one cup lol. Have really small veins so coffee not so great for me to drink before chemo as it makes them even worse to find. sorry Tangent moment there lol.

Any way when i get back i got a post from a woman that i only know through a mutual game we play, and she told me this..I do not want to unfreind you because you are sick, but all you post is what is happening with you in regards to your treatment and it makes me sad, that you are looking for sympathy blah blah blah... i sat back in shock, then had to feel sorry for that woman, not myself ;p. I told her in no uncertain terms should she let My disease keep her from doing what is right for her life, and i would not hold it against her if she unfreinded me..are you kidding me lol.

She told me that her mother had battled cancer 5 times, i told her that is really Sad, but it was so good that she had you in her corner rooting for her through the good the bad and the ugly, and i am sure she appreciated your support, but she is in no way obligated to support me.

She also said, that all i post is about my illness, and I do, since at this moment in time it is endless Dr appointments, test, meds, and hooking up with supportive people and making plans like going camping if at all possible, me im gonna go no matter what cause i want too, and if im really sick and can only drag my self out of the tent for a hour or two out of 24 hours then so be it lol.

Any way, it astounds me but is totaly understandable how some people are really uncomfortable whit this pervasive and deadly disease in all it's forms. And to be brutally honest it does take over your life, since i do have to live with it 24/7. However this does not mean I am all gloom and doom while I take the steps to help myself get well. I am the kind of person that tried to be Gentle with myself and those around me, but in all honesty I truely felt attacked by this person, for about 5 minutes as that is the alloted time I gave her permission to be in my head and space, then got back to doing what is best for me =)

I have read personal stories from those that have gone before me and believe me when i say I hang onto the words or encouragement and advice and support that they are willing to share with me and others. I have also read stories similare to mine and some even worse, and I thought that can not be, but yea it is true, there are going to be people that try to insinuate themselves into my life that are less than supportive, less than positive even if that day im being totally negative lol and less than understanding and try to apply their personal experience with surviving or being close to a survivor  on me. But this I have learned with out a doubt, Cancer is pervasive and affects everybody, but at the end of the day when the lights are low it is about me and my life and that is the personal journey i have to take with God of my understanding, and i have to do what is right for me. 

Any way to wrap it up what im saying I truely do thank God for all the supportive, understanding and loving people that take time out of their lives to share mine with me, and if you do run into not so positive people who are unwilling or unable to allow you to do what is best for you no matter what choices you may make, know this it is you that has to live with you lol do what ever you need to do. Life is precious, live it the way you want to live it. just had to get that off my chest thank you all for listining/reading. I think this taught me something, that on the Days when I am shining I am going to Shine even Brighter!! and for the days that are dim im going to keep going back to my go to people lol =D but I am going to do my very best to sahre my Bright days as well as my bad ones, cause the bright days are so dang fun to be shared. No I have not done this before so I may not know how it is supposed to be done, posting I mean.

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 4010
Joined: Oct 2009

Thank you for posting!  I related to it all and read your post with tears in my eyes. What an idiot that person was to dare to even hint that you should handle your struggle in another way. The very best way, I believe is to do what you are doing. Can I please kick that person hard on behalf of everyone!  Welcome, welcome and please vent here any time. All are welcome and, although our struggles are individual, we are united in our fight!!! Fight on dear one and vent away!!!

Tammy2014
Posts: 9
Joined: May 2014

I can not express how much your words mean to me, it was a real blow to me to read what she said. honestly i never would ask or want any one not willing to walk with me on my journey to do so, but honestly a simple good luck and good bye would have been much kinder in my opinion. thank you for letting me get that off my chest, and yea i have read some sharing of women who have had experiences with this kind of negativity, but i still have the are you kidding me reaction...

 

Thank you very much for your words of encouragement and support, still having an up day carried over from yesterday, so grateful for that. Despite that nasty woman, i think it has a lot to do with the fact that for every nast out there there is ten strong beautiful warrior women waiting to give me a helping hand a gentle push or a healing hug in the right direction.

Healing hugs for all.

Tammy2014
Posts: 9
Joined: May 2014

Uhg i double posted, and dont know how to delete double post so just going to say thank you again =D

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 4010
Joined: Oct 2009

Don't worry about double post, it happens a lot. My advice (for what that is worth... Lol) would be to try and eliminate the toxics from your life. I have one neighbor who believes she should share all horrible outcomes with me. If I end up having to acknowledge her I change the subject or say let's talk about something else. Another wants to discuss her mammogram at length (benign)  and try and talk me into hiring her unemployed son who, to be honest looks to be an addict or I'll. 

I feel I have enough drama and stay clear. Good luck. I tell myself that is their fears of cancer that make them behave so badly. ;-) But, nonetheless, I keep them away right now. Good luck!!! 

Double Whammy's picture
Double Whammy
Posts: 2318
Joined: Jun 2010

When I was going through treatments and for some time after,  I was worried about me and everything cancer related - and it was indeed my life.  Two very close friendships have changed as a result of them constantly telling me what I should do to "not think about it".  I think that translates into they were sick about hearing about it.  We have remained friends, but it' not like it was before cancer.  I don't share much about my health anymore with them.   I understand how the comments you received have effected you.  Since this woman is not a close personal friend, I would simply remove her from my life (I think).  If you can "unfriend" her, do it.  You feel the need to share and post what's going on in your life and I'm sure there are people who look forward to reading how you are doing.  You might consider starting a Caring Bridge (it's free) site to provide updates to people YOU choose.  You can probably post a link via Facebook as well as invitations via Caring Bridge.   I didn't know about it when I was having treatments, and also did not Facebook.  Had a friend who used Caring Bridge and I really liked being able to keep track of how she was doing.  And do come here for support.  WE care.  

Hugs,

Suzanne

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 4010
Joined: Oct 2009

Bumping for newbies

SMarie's picture
SMarie
Posts: 10
Joined: May 2014

What a lovely welcome. It is so comforting to read. One reply here hits home...Today is my first day on here. As I explore this site... I'm reading your post and thinking. OMG. That's me. Lol.  I mentioned my cancer in a game last month and got the strangest reply. I have been trying not to talk about my cancer treatments and journey but if I don't... What else do I have to say? I don't think people know what to say to me so I don't talk about it. It's 24/7 dr appointments, treatments, basic survival mode etc... I have been doing it all alone and just finished chemo cycle 13 of 20. It is comforting to know I'm not so alone with what I've experienced so far. 

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 4010
Joined: Oct 2009

Welcome SMarie to the club no one wants to join.  You are most welcome here and your will find sympathetic and knowing ears ready to listen and help.  I am so sorry for what you are going through, but a big congrats for making it through 13 cycles!  Keep fighting and vent here anytime!!!!

SMarie's picture
SMarie
Posts: 10
Joined: May 2014

Thank you sooooo much. this may sound silly but.. Is it ok to vent? I always feel badly when I do. Like I'm conplaining too much or not staying strong and positive like I want to be for my friends and family. Some days I don't talk at all for fear of letting something out that may upset someone :/. Posting here felt like a huge relief. I really appreciate the support. 

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 4010
Joined: Oct 2009

SMarie, this is where you come to vent!!!  I think it is a great and safe place to vent because everyone here really gets it!!!! 

debi.18's picture
debi.18
Posts: 849
Joined: Jun 2011

Thanks for reposting that!  I miss Chen everyday!  She touched so many of us in such a special way!

Hugs, Debi~

 

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 4010
Joined: Oct 2009

Bumping

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 4010
Joined: Oct 2009

Bumping again. :-)

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