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feeling guilty when things overwhelm me

sphinx99
Posts: 2
Joined: Apr 2014

My husband has Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. He's had it nearly 3 years but has to get his chemo no matter what. They recently stretched out the interval to every 6 weeks and he had a reoccurance.He went back to every 3 weeks which seemed to do the trick. His general status has deteriated though. I am a nurse so I have knowledge an dI  advocate for him. Being able to care for him has brought us closer. 

His balance is terrible and he has fallen numerous times. He also has started wetting the bed in large amounts. For the 2nd time in a week I have had to wash all the bedding. It is a long, expensive undertaking. Today I bought some washable bed pads. But as a nurse, I have seen many people wet straight through those suckers! *sigh* So I am finding myself getting overwelmed and sometimes resentful. He is so weak and balance is so bad, he can't do a whole lot to help around here. It's especially  hard because I have RA and Fibromyalgia, so often the pain overwhems me even more.

Also, his orginal occurence was in his left groin and the growth pressed up against the nerves leading to his testicle. Now it is just scar tissue and it presses against the nerve just the same. He has a low pain tolerance to begin with. All the pain meds barely touch it. So physical intimacy has become almost non existant. And I am so sad and frustrated, althought not angry because I know it's not his fault. 

I feel guilty for feeling like I do sometimes. I'll be feeling all sorry for myself because of one thing or another that his cancer has led to, then feel guilty because I'm not the one with cancer! I don't really have anyone to talk to. I really just had to vent a little.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1622
Joined: Aug 2009

This is a good place to vent, and caregivers need to vent now and then. I, too, have fibromyalgia. It is so unpredictable which makes it even harder when caregiving. Guilt is one of the emotions we often hear. When I was caring for my husband I just tried to remember that I was doing the best I could at the time. Sometimes it is just really frustrating! you are not alone. Come here whenever you need to vent  Many here understand what you are going through. Remember to take care of yourself, too. 

sphinx99
Posts: 2
Joined: Apr 2014

I appreciate the support. Because I am a nurse I am able to handle most of what is thrown my way. But I do get so overwhelmed at times. It's nice to know there's a place I can vent!

Lisamckt
Posts: 1
Joined: May 2014

When I read this I thought I could have written this my self. My husband has non small cell lung cancer that has reached the lymph nodes. I am a nurse also (retired) this just tells me it could end up anywhere. I am petrified. He is my soulmate and my very best friend. I cant imagine life without him, but I feel like I am losing him every day. I dont know which way to turn. I am so stressed. I also have fibro and some days its hard to just get out of the bed, but u have to do what u have to do. On top of all this, my mother was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago and now is unable to care for her self, so we had to have her put in a rest home (something I never wanted to do) but I felt I didnt have a choice.  We owned a small business, and we are in the process of closing it and having to bring everything back home. which is not easy but either one of us is able to do it anymore and it is causing more stress than revenue.  My son his wife and my grand daughter which is 6 mo old sold there house and are moving into my Mom house, so they can be closer, which will be very helpful. But we are having to clean out my Mom house for them to be able to move there stuff in. I honestly fell like I am being pulled in so many directions I dont know which way to turn.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1622
Joined: Aug 2009

This is a hard time for all of you. When our spouse is dx with cancer, losing them is our greatest fear. I know because I felt it. I did lose my husband, and little by little I am becoming that strong, independent woman I assured him I was when he worried about me going on alone. I know you are probably overwhelmed right now, and stress just makes the fibro more difficult. Hang in there. Know that you are not alone. Each of us has a different story, but we often do "get it"  better than those who have not faced caregiving for a person with cancer. my thoughts are with you. Fay

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