mom with a new trach

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miriam12
miriam12 Member Posts: 5
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

My mom was diagnosed back in December wiyth T3 larnix cancer.  She then moved in with me and my husband.  She has received a g-tube which has worked great due to her not being able to swollow.  I am going to pat myself on the back for this one.  During all of her treatments so far she has maintained her weight.  Dr are amazed at this.  I have my little protein drink I put down the g-tube for that one.  This last Saturday she was having problems breathing rushed her to the ER.  On Sunday she received a trach.   This trach care is starting to get me down there is so much more care she is requiring I am not sure if I can keep up.  I work a full time job, my husband just had prostate surgery for cancer should have been a 2 week recoup it has now been 4 weeks and he is still trying to get back on his feet.  Plus my mother-in-law moved in with us back in October from the nursing home.  I keep telling myself it will get better but it seems to just keep going in the wrong direction.  Family help is far and in between.    Just needed a place to come where everyone understand what is going on. 

 

THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT

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  • debbiejeanne
    debbiejeanne Member Posts: 3,102 Member
    #2
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    miriam, it is hard on us to

    miriam, it is hard on us to deal with one thing at a time but you have everything going on with you at one time, no wonder you are overwhelmed.  I'm sorry you have so much going on plus have to work a full time job.  it sounds to me like you NEED to take some "ME" time and reguvinate.  if you aren't physically well, you can't take care of anyone.  it is very important that you take care of you.  i am a laryngectomy so i know about the extra care of a trake.  it does take some time.  do you have friends who would be willing to help?  if/when friends say, "what can I do", let them help!!  ask them to sit with your loved ones while you go out for coffee or something to get you away for a short time.  there is NOTHING wrong with that and you truly need that time to recoup.  anyone dealing with all that you are would need to vent and take time for themselves, so do it.  my caregiver had people stay with me so he could get out and recoup.  caring for sick people is a very hard job, both physically and mentally and we as the patient understand that.  we love our caregivers very much and want you to have time for you!  we don't like you having to be with us all the time, at times we even feel guilty, so get out for a while!  come here often to vent and get support.  we are here for you whenever you need us.  please do something for yourself today, you honestly deserve it and you NEED it.

    God bless you,

    dj

  • KB56
    KB56 Member Posts: 318 Member
    #3
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    hands full

    Miriam, it sounds like you definitely have your hands full to say the least!  I'm not sure what kind of insurance your mom has but have you looked at having a home nurse/nurse aid come by daily to lend a hand since it seems like family is not close?  I know when I was going through the treatment one came by but I didn't really need her so i stopped it but she would have definitely continued coming.   If you belong to a church maybe some of the congregation can help out.

    Most of us on this site will say it's the caregiver that really has it rough.  When we get tired we can sleep but the caregiver has to still answer the door, the phone and keep the house together.   We definitely understand what you are going through.  Hopefully your husband gets back  on his feet soon so it will be one less to care for.

    Good luck

    Keith

  • hwt
    hwt Member Posts: 2,328 Member
    #4
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    KB56 said:

    hands full

    Miriam, it sounds like you definitely have your hands full to say the least!  I'm not sure what kind of insurance your mom has but have you looked at having a home nurse/nurse aid come by daily to lend a hand since it seems like family is not close?  I know when I was going through the treatment one came by but I didn't really need her so i stopped it but she would have definitely continued coming.   If you belong to a church maybe some of the congregation can help out.

    Most of us on this site will say it's the caregiver that really has it rough.  When we get tired we can sleep but the caregiver has to still answer the door, the phone and keep the house together.   We definitely understand what you are going through.  Hopefully your husband gets back  on his feet soon so it will be one less to care for.

    Good luck

    Keith

    Miriam

    If you don't schedule in time for yourself, there won't be any. Look into outside help. Many cancer centers have meetings for caregivers that might offer good advice.  

    Good luck

    Candi

  • jim and i
    jim and i Member Posts: 1,788 Member
    #5
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    Venting definately helps. I

    Venting definately helps. I was stunned when I read your first post and wondered how long you could keep up with caring for three people while working 3 jobs. If you can't get in home help with your mother and mother in law you might have to check into nursing homes. Their Medicare and Medicaid should pay. Even an assisted living might work. I know nursing homes get a bad rap but not all are bad. My mother in law lived in an assisted living and then nursing home for 15 years after we could not care for her anymore. She had a better quality of life there than with us because she was with people her age and she got a lot of attention.

    You need to do a lot of self care or all of you will be in a home. I pray you are able to do what is best for all concerned. Sometimes you are thinking it is a selfish or cruel decision, as we did in my mother in laws case, but it is really the best decision. After we all adjusted to the change we were sorry we hadn't done it sooner.

    God Bless you and your family Debbie

  • wmc
    wmc Member Posts: 1,804
    #6
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    Venting is good.

    We all need to vent from time to time. If a steam engine does not vent it will blow. people are the same in a way. It is a way to release pressure you have building up when so much is on your plate, [going on in your life] it helps to just let it out at times. Even better is that here, we understand and most of us have been there. Sorry you have to deal with so much over whelming illnesses at the same time. You must be the strong one everyone depends on when they need someone. Remember to take care of yourself as well. The others depend on you so remember you need time too.

    Prayers to you and your family:

    wmc

  • Duggie88
    Duggie88 Member Posts: 760 Member
    #7
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    Miriam

    Good advice from Keith and Candi. And yes make time for yourself. My wife only had to take care of me but in your case adding two more fills the day in a hurry. I hope things get better and you found a good place to vent. There are no limits to venting on this site.

          Jeff

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