CSN Login
Members Online: 10

Lost my mom at 21

SWassill's picture
SWassill
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2014

Hi everyone. I am a new time member, and I am hoping to give some advice on here as a caregiver as well as receive some support.

 

I lost my mother last May to kidney cancer. She had only been diagnosed that past November. I struggled for awhile as a young caregiver (I am 21 now, I was 20 at the time and my father was not in the picture). She was very active until almost the week she came off of chemo(Wed), and passed away the following Sunday. I have gotten engaged to my long time boyfriend of 7 years this fall. I am struggling with her not being here for the wedding, and missing her company greatly as we were best friends, always stayed up chatting on the weekends and I lived with her my entire life until she passed away. I understand it gets easier with time, but I find myself angry and feeling it is unfair of her not to be here. I try to think positively because she would want that, but I cannot stay in this mindset for long. Does anybody have any advice to help me get through the healing process? or even a good help book they recommend? I feel very lonely, and people say they will help in the first few months of her passing, but months down the road when you realize she isn't here during your successes and failures, that is when you feel loneliest and need help. It seems as if people think you can snap your fingers after a short little while and be healed. I simply do not feel this, and feeling healed seems very far away.

 

With that said, I am sending prayers to everyone here!

 

Susie

Folks24
Posts: 104
Joined: Feb 2007

Maybe it would help to have something to remind you of her at your wedding. Was there something special she liked that you could coordinate in there?  My mother was big on yellow roses so those always remind me of her.  Just any kind of decoration close to where you say your vows.

Lots of ideas: a hankerchief in your bouquet, sewing basket w/flowers, bingo sheets on the isle rows, etc. I am sure you could think of something to incorporate in there.

You never get over losing a loved one. You just learn to live with it. Mothers are always mothers and she will always be with you. I have a vase of silk flowers that are yellow roses in my living room all the time.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1622
Joined: Aug 2009

I am sorry for the loss of your mother. It's not fair that you have to go on without her for those special events in your life. As I told my sons as they were growing up, life isn't fair. We forget that sometimes because we would like it to be fair. We really don't need to be reminded that it isn't. Those special times (weddings, graduations, births, etc.) are going to make you miss your mom even more. That is a reflection of how much you love and miss her. As one friend told me, wouldn't be awful if you lost someone and didn't care?  Try to concentrate on the good memories. Your mother is still with you in those. Don't be afraid to talk about your mom with others. I appreciate when people around me bring up a funny story or memory about my husband. He,like your mother will never be really gone as long as we remember them. Take care of your self now. Find ways you can honor your mom during those special times  Maybe a donation to a cause she cared about or to a cancer group. Ask your wedding guests to contribute, too. Light a candle in her honor. Do whatever feels right to you. Your mother loved you and raised you to be the woman you are today. Keep her in your heart. Fay

PS: I answered your PM. 

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network