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I Finally Got Mad.

cinnamonsmile
Posts: 1049
Joined: Dec 2010

When I got DCIS in 2010 and had surgeries into January 2011, then had the severe nerve damage (that I am still getting pain meds and treatments for, then LE, in addition to all the other crap I have, I never got mad that I got cancer and rotten side effects.Irritated with LE, but never mad. I never got mad that I got Leukoairioses on the brain that causes dementia and cognitive issues.

When I was initially diagnosed with hypersensitivity pnuemonitis and lost 15% of my lung with a painful thoracotomy (they had to cut right into where I already have nerve damage pain), I never got mad. 

I sure as heck have gotten super mad at some of the incompetent doctors, surgeons, CNA's, nurses/medical assistants.

This past week, I had my lung CT Scan and breathing tests and got the results from the doctor on Thursday.

For 18 days, I all of a sudden stopped taking the correct dosage of Prednisone. I was supposed to be on 40 mg a day, but for some reason, screwed up and only took 20 mg. When I figured out the mistake, the light bulb went on as to why I was not as wound up and had symptoms returning.

The lung dr. told me there is a mild progression of inflammation in the middle of my lungs, but as far as he can see, it has not formed a fibrosis/scarring. I had some enlarged lymph nodes in the middle of my chest and those have gone down.

So overall, I got pretty good news. The progression may be from not being on 40 mg of Prednisone. 

But afterwards when I got home. I got mad. And I have had bouts of being mad that I got this crap here and there. It comes and goes and I do not like it when it comes and I'm mad. I have had such a good attitude about it and I don't like the negativity. I am sure being on steroids helps the anger, but I have been on them since December 21,2013.

Thanks for listening/reading and letting me vent. I am mad and don't like it.

New Flower
Posts: 4060
Joined: Aug 2009

Who knows maybe being mad is better than sorry. You have rights to be mad, it isgood to let it go

Hugs

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 4010
Joined: Oct 2009

It is righteous anger and it may be fueled by steroids, but you deserve to be mad.  Vent away.  I am kicking my sofa for you tonight (better than kicking Danny).  That fight in you keeps you going!!!!  Big hugs and love!!!!!

RozHopkins
Posts: 471
Joined: Dec 2010

If you are mad, let it out, does no good to suppress it.  If I had been through what you have, I would of cried 'a lake'.  I think you are amazing.

carkris's picture
carkris
Posts: 4523
Joined: Aug 2009

You are amazing, but a person can only take so much. sometimes you have to get mad, just dont stay mad. But in some ways when you let it out , its healing! Hope this nonsense stops soon. prayers and hugs

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5433
Joined: Oct 2010

hugs and pixie dust on your way.

Denise

tasha_111's picture
tasha_111
Posts: 2047
Joined: Oct 2008

Cinnamonsmile, I reached that point tonight too, after an 8.00pm appt for a MRI (which I eventually got at 9.15 pm)  In a city 40 mins drive away!  Hell I was ready to commit murder!   Sometimes you get sick of the bs stuff they tell you.  I was talking to my man on the way home and told him that if I had known 6 years ago what I know now, I would NOT have gone through it... ever.  I am sure I would have been better off mentally and physically.  But you have to listen to the line they give you as they are (supposedly) the experts and your only hope.  Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Hey, vent away... most of us feel that way too!  Huge Hugs Tasha xxxx

 

cinnamonsmile
Posts: 1049
Joined: Dec 2010

I got over the angries....Realized it was stress from my mother spending too many days and nights here, my son, driving mom and son for their errands, plus a lot of appts and PT for me and a lack of snowshoeing (I LOVE snowshoeing...I put on my Ipod...and escape to the back fields where my troubles disappear..weather and the fact that I fell & injured myself in several places).

I am doing much better now.

Thanks for letting me vent. Everyone on here is a true jem!!!!

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