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Time for hospice.

rls67
Posts: 127
Joined: Nov 2012

My beautiful wife of twenty years was officially placed in hospice. We are waiting for bed to open in the hospice we choose. She has been given 2-6 weeks to live. I am trying to be strong for her and our kids. But it is so hard when you're dieing inside. I really hope she doesn't have to suffer long.  l love her to much to see her go through that. She has fought so bravely for so long.

johnnybegood's picture
johnnybegood
Posts: 1122
Joined: Oct 2008

for this news we are all here for you anytime.i dont know if you are a man of faith but i have alot of faith and He is what gets me thru everyday.i will be praying for you and your family that this transition is filled with lots of love....Godbless..johnnybegood

UncleBuddy
Posts: 734
Joined: Aug 2013

I'm sure they will keep her comfortable. Make sure you take care of yourself. Your kids need you now more than ever. You, your wife and family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lin

Chelsea71
Posts: 1170
Joined: Sep 2012

I am so sorry.....will be thinking of you and your wife.  I have no words.  I am sure this is not what you guys envisioned on your wedding day.  Life sure can throw some terrible curve balls.  I wish it didn't have to be this way for any of us.

 

Chelsea

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 1767
Joined: Jan 2013

But I know you can and will be strong for your wife, your children and for yourself. 

You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs!

LivinginNH's picture
LivinginNH
Posts: 1364
Joined: Apr 2010

 

It's difficult to express how saddened I am right now, my heart simply aches for you.   The hospice team will do their very best to provide her with comfort care so that you may focus on simply being with her and loving her. 

Stay strong, and peace to you both,

Cynthia

Cathleen Mary
Posts: 673
Joined: May 2011

 

 

My heart and prayer are with you and your family.  Know we are here day and night.

CM

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3033
Joined: Jan 2010

I know that you can never be prepared for reaching this point.

Hospice is a wonderful organization which makes sure of the peace and comfort of the patient and offers additional services to the family during this difficult time.  Be sure to reach out to them to help you and your kids.

I am sending prayers to all of your family.

Marie who loves kitties

rls67
Posts: 127
Joined: Nov 2012

Thank you so much for the love and compassion. I am so lucky to have stumbled on this board. You all have been a founton of information and an anchor in the storm. Thank you so much.

devotion10's picture
devotion10
Posts: 640
Joined: Jan 2010

and hold you close for a bit. 

When I first started working with hospice, they explained that the experience we call death occurs when the body completes its natural process of shutting down, and when the spirit completes its natural process of reconciling and finishing. These two processes need to happen in a way appropriate and unique to the values, beliefs, and lifestyle of the dying person.

As you seek to prepare yourself for this approaching event, they will help you know what to expect and how to respond in ways that will help your wife accomplish this transition with support, understanding, and ease. This is the great gift of love you have to offer her as this moment approaches.

My heart is heavy for you as I know your pain.  Try to be present.

Peace and comfort to you as you support your wife on her journey.

~ Cynthia 

marbleotis's picture
marbleotis
Posts: 549
Joined: Mar 2012

Please do not waste time being sad now - just love her and enjoy every minute you have.  The hospice will help you both.  I am so sorry you are going through this.

teamzach's picture
teamzach
Posts: 35
Joined: Jan 2014

You are amazing and your family is too! I have been in your shoes just a short month ago. The suffering part is no fun...  Hospice is amazing and I know they will help in whatever way they can...

Prayers and strength sent your way!

Janelle

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 347
Joined: Apr 2009

Hello there,

 

I am very very sorry to hear this. It is so sad, and I know this is very very hard for you, and your family. I wish all of you strength, and lots of patience to each other. Please, if you ever need to vent, we're here, and want to help you in any way we can. Please take care of yourself, and your children, and show your wife that you'll never leave here, and will love her. Tell her that many many times, that you love her and always will. Tell her that you'll take care of your children, and that she'll never be forgotten. I'm so sorry!!

Kathleen808's picture
Kathleen808
Posts: 2322
Joined: Jan 2009

Your family will remain in my prayers as you continue on this journey with your precious wife.  Peace to all of you.

 

Aloha,

Kathleen

Semira's picture
Semira
Posts: 315
Joined: Mar 2012

and so sorry for you.

A silent hug from Germany

Petra

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2361
Joined: Oct 2011

I'm just so sorry.

thingy45's picture
thingy45
Posts: 590
Joined: Apr 2011

no words can discribe how I feel reading this. I know how empty and angry you are having been there myself.  wishing you strength and peace .

marjan 

here4lfe
Posts: 296
Joined: Jan 2010

Spend as much time as you can with her. A friend of mine told me as my wife passed away, "She is trusting you to make her decisions for her now." This is the time to be the man she married.

Take care,

Mark

 

fatbob2010's picture
fatbob2010
Posts: 465
Joined: May 2012

What a hard place you and the family are in.  Hospice team will help keep your beloved comfortable.  They should also have assistance for you and the children as you go through this dark time in your life.  I can not start to understand how you feel and how much this is hurting you and the family.  I hope you can find peace in the fact that she is not longer in pain.

Streaming comfort and ((HUGS)) to you and yours,

Art

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 4457
Joined: Feb 2009

I'm sorry for your wife's decline.  Please spend as much time with her as you can and let your children do the same.  May her journey forward be peaceful and pain free.

Kim

Momof2plusteentwins's picture
Momof2plusteentwins
Posts: 482
Joined: May 2012

So sorry for what you are going through. I wish peace for you and your family.
Sandy :(

thxmiker's picture
thxmiker
Posts: 1277
Joined: Oct 2010

We are so sorry to hear that news.  We are sending our thoughts and prayers for your families continued strength!

 

 

Best Always,  mike

rls67
Posts: 127
Joined: Nov 2012

My whole family is aware of my wifes prognosis. She has been under hospice care for the last couple of days. She is still in the hospital because the nursing agency I chose to handle her care only has two hospice homes and there is no empty beds. I would love to get her out of the hospital, though they have taken good care of her. I really don't know what to do. I don't think my Donna would want to spend her last days in that busy, noisy envirement. Any one have any good advice? I sure could use some right now.

devotion10's picture
devotion10
Posts: 640
Joined: Jan 2010

there. You, your family, and friends should step forward to make her final days the way she would like them to be.  I am not sure I understand your hesitation just to bring your wife to the comfort of your home.

Peace. ~ Cynthia

jen2012
Posts: 1313
Joined: Aug 2012

I dont think this option is for everyone. Im not sure howI feel about it and Im not sure my husband would want it. I think some people are more comfortable knowing the medical staff is there at all times. Not everyone has family and friends to help either.

I am just so sorry your family is going through this. My heart hurts for all of you. I know when my husband has been in the hospital i have noticed some doors are closed and there is a picture of a butterfly on the door. I read that is a symbol that the person is dying and a reminder to all entering to be quiet and respectful. Hopefully they are keeping her room quiet without the usual beeps and noises. If not maybe you can request that. So very sorry.

devotion10's picture
devotion10
Posts: 640
Joined: Jan 2010

"I would love to get her out of the hospital, though they have taken good care of her. I really don't know what to do. I don't think my Donna would want to spend her last days in that busy, noisy ."

I just feel strongly that we must do whatever are the last wishes of our loved one whenever possible. It seems he is saying he knows his wife does not wish to spend her last days in a hospital environment.

Home hospice can be extremely challenge, but possible. If one knows that is where your loved one would prefer to be then I would move mountains to make it happen. 

He asked for advice and that is mine.

Peace. ~ Cynthia

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3033
Joined: Jan 2010

In home Hospice is what I did for my sister, but I have to say that it is very challenging.  The folks will come when you need support, but are not there 24/7.  They also can give you directions over the phone about issues or meds.  It is not always easy to find friends or family to help with the patients needs.

The residential Hospice solution is often the right one for some.  Here they have rooms that are set up more like in home bedrooms with all the conveniences...even exta sleeping if someone wants to stay with the patient.  You can even bring in items such as pictures, covers, etc. which make it more like home.  There are doctors and/or nurses there 24/7 to handle the patients needs without the hospital setting.

Each situation is different and it is good to have choices.

Marie who loves kitties

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2361
Joined: Oct 2011

but I will say I think you really need to have more than one person to help out.  My BIL couldn't have done it all by myself, as my sister was awake a surprising amount, esp at night, until she finally went into a coma in the last few days.  My brother ended up taking over for a few nights so her husband could get some sleep.

Rls~are there any other hospice places that might have space, maybe a little further away?  I knowI would rather not be in a hospital at the end, if it can be avoided.

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 1767
Joined: Jan 2013

My best friend's dad was able to go home during his last weeks. The home hospice nurses took great care of him and he was happy. When his time got close, the nurse, understaning the signs, called the family and they were all able to be with him as he passed. 

Hospice carers are wonderful people, I greatly admire them.

I pray that you can find a way to do whatever makes your lovely wife comfortable. 

You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. 

Ladylacy
Posts: 525
Joined: Apr 2012

So sorry to hear about your wife.  Hospice is great.  I have in-home hospice for my husband and he will stay in-home as long as we can control his pain levels.  I had in-home hospice for my mother too.  In-home hospice provides everything you need and they send aides into help.  Our nurse comes once a week, but when my mother was dying they came more often.

I know each state and each hospice is different, but I would check into in-home hospice where your wife will be around family and friends.

Wishing you peace and comfort.

BusterBrown's picture
BusterBrown
Posts: 221
Joined: Mar 2005

I'm truly sorry hear about your wife.  I wish you and your family peace in this very difficult time...

Buster...

Helen321's picture
Helen321
Posts: 960
Joined: May 2012

Wow, I am just unbelievably sorry. My heartfelt support for you, your wife and the kids.    

meltibbs's picture
meltibbs
Posts: 6
Joined: Feb 2014

I am so very sorry you are going through this painful experience.  Please know you and your family are in my thoughts.

rls67
Posts: 127
Joined: Nov 2012

I was able to get my wife out of the hospital and into a hospice. What a difference. She only has hours maybe a day left the hospice people believe.

Chelsea71
Posts: 1170
Joined: Sep 2012

Thank you for the update.  Will be thinking of you and your family.

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 1767
Joined: Jan 2013

and hoping your wife's passing goes smoothly. 

I'm glad that you were able to get her into hospice.

LindaK.
Posts: 374
Joined: Apr 2013

I'm so sorry for your suffering, may you all find a little peace in the coming days.

Linda

Phil64's picture
Phil64
Posts: 546
Joined: Apr 2012

RLS, my thoughts and prayers are with you, your wife, and family. I hope that love we be free flowing as you say your good byes and that love we surround you all through this most difficult time.

Sincerely,

Philip

Maxiecat's picture
Maxiecat
Posts: 524
Joined: Jul 2012

I am so sorry...my thoughts and prayers are with your wife and your family.

alex

devotion10's picture
devotion10
Posts: 640
Joined: Jan 2010

Peace. ~ Cynthia

Cathleen Mary
Posts: 673
Joined: May 2011

 

May peace and strength be by your side as you stay with your wife.  Prayers for you and your children. 

Know that a lot of people hold you and those you love close to our heart these difficult days.

CM

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