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Upset and feel angry

catluver96's picture
Posts: 73
Joined: Jan 2013

I'm feeling upset and angry today. No head MRI until next Tuesday. Soonest they can get me in. That's pretty good if you're not nervous, in pain and very stressed out about it. I'm hoping someone will cancel and I can get in sooner. Oncologist wanted it done this week. That's what we were expecting to happen.

 Having a lot of lower leg pain, dizziness from two lesions in my brain according to CT scan. Uncomfortable, cannot sleep very long at any one time, maybe two hours if I am lucky.

 Feeling bitter and stressed out.

 Scared about doing the scans and anti-anxiety drugs don't work well for me. I'm sensitive to them and they make me feel weird not better.

 Also found out that the pet scan is inside a big tube as well. From what my friend described to me it didn't sound so confining. But I don't think he's claustrophobic.

 Everything seems harder than it needs to be dealing with an anxiety disorder on top of this new possible C scare.

 At any rate there is something in my brain is making me not feel well. That in itself is bad enough.

 My poor husband ..... I'm not very good company right now. :(


Hondo's picture
Posts: 6397
Joined: Apr 2009


I know your pain and worry it is something that we all get from time to time. Foe me I pray when things are out of my hands and there is nothing I can do. Sometime just trying to pray is hard but then I always feel better knowing that I put it in Gods hand. I will be praying for you that you can get in and get your MRI out of the way so you can rest.


God Bless


Posts: 1104
Joined: Jan 2011

I know that the wait is difficult.  Day by day, sometimes minute by minute.  Put on some music that you like, watch a movie, take a walk, find something that you can do to get your mind off of cancer.  I find the MRI and PET scans a very good time to reflect and pray.  Not getting sleep doesn't help.  Is it pain or worry keeping you awake?  I spend many nights on the recliner.  Hopefully you will be able to get in earlier but in the big picture, 7 more days.

Skiffin16's picture
Posts: 8285
Joined: Sep 2009

That have worked for me....

If it's really bad, you can ask the MD's for a Rx for Xanax or something similar to take the edge off of the anxiety.

As for the PET or CT machine.... If you roll your eyes back, look way back over your head, you can actually see behind you and outside of the machine, and for me that works enough to eliminate any anxiety because I can see around me, and don't feel confined.


CivilMatt's picture
Posts: 3486
Joined: May 2012


Here is hoping for some peaceful moments to sneak up on you.


catluver96's picture
Posts: 73
Joined: Jan 2013

You all are the best!

phrannie51's picture
Posts: 4325
Joined: Mar 2012

PET scans for me were much less confining than the CT's or the MRI's.....it is a tube, sort of....more like a doughnut, and it's quite large, not small like a MRI.  AND, there isn't all the clanking, banging, and noise of a CT/MRI. 

For me, I can't just think about putting it into God's hands....I've got to say it out loud...."God, this is too much for me to handle, so I'm turning it over to you.  If I grab it back for a while, I'll return and hand it over again"....I really do say this out loud, and I've felt the actual relief of Him taking it from me.

You forget, what your PCP saw as a "lesion" may in fact be not a lesion at all....your back might be hurting from something else entirely.....You know that when I'm scared I get symptoms from every angle....bones in my legs hurt, headaches, sore throat, earache...name a symptom, and I get them....and they aren't just in my head....I can feel them physically.  Hold on to the old adage we say here time and time again...................................It ain't cancer till somebody says it is!!


catluver96's picture
Posts: 73
Joined: Jan 2013


Yes, very comforting. Thank you.  

Posts: 1911
Joined: May 2012

I'm so sorry more is knocking at your door.  I agree w/Phrannie though.  Until they say it's cancer it's not.  Now saying this, I know from experience it doesn't help the anxiety and fear.  I use a form of valium....and yes it can make you feel a bit fuzzy if you're not use to it.  And maybe you need to talk w/the people doing the scan before hand.  Most are very good at what they do, and can ask your doctor for something that will take the edge off just for the scan.

I also hate confined spaces.  But have learned how to cope my own special way with this.  Trial and error.  I don't keep my eyes open.....I use visualization.  I love the outdoors and fishing or just nature walks.  So that's where I go in my thoughts.  Everyone's different in this....and you will find a way to get through it I promise you ! 

You are very brave, and I know everyone here will keep you in their pockets....thoughts and prayers throughout.  Hugs sent !  Katie 

debbiejeanne's picture
Posts: 3093
Joined: Jan 2010

catluver96, we all understand your fear and your anxiety.  i think we've all felt it more than once.  i've had a lesion in the center of my brain for 15 years now and it has always been nothing.  we've watched it all these years to see if it  grew or changed but it didn't so this was my last year for seeing the doctor and getting mri's.  i'm praying your lesion will be nothing also.  hang in ther, tuesday will be here before you know it.

God bless you,


catluver96's picture
Posts: 73
Joined: Jan 2013

thank you so much for sharing this with me dj.

debbiejeanne's picture
Posts: 3093
Joined: Jan 2010

you are so welcome.  be sure to share the good news on tuesday  :0)

God bless you,


jim and i's picture
jim and i
Posts: 1788
Joined: May 2011

Praying you get in soon and they can give you something to relax you. My mother has to be knocked completely out to have a CT or MRI. Can you take Ambien to help you sleep? Not getting rest will acerbate the anxiety for surte. Praying you feel God's loving arms surrounding you in love.



j4mie's picture
Posts: 218
Joined: Sep 2013


Can you maybe get your Dr. to prescribe a strong sleep aid? I know for me, when I'm not sleeping it makes everything even more difficult to try to deal with. If you could at least get some good rest over the upcoming weekend, it may help...


wmc's picture
Posts: 1509
Joined: Jan 2014

Jamie that is great advice. I have to take over-the-counter to sleep every night and a pain pill but it works and everyone needs good sleep. Something about when you close your eyes the mind comes alive and you start thinking about everything except sleep.


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