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GaryM

Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
Posts: 1271
Joined: Jul 2012

Am I the only one wondering why GaryM is so quiet?

Time for Funny Bonz 2014.

N_Woods_Gal
Posts: 13
Joined: Feb 2013

I agree w/ Alex. More jokes, please.

Alex, is that a snowflake pattern on the scarf? Looks so warm.

 

Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
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Joined: Jul 2012
Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 488
Joined: Oct 2013

Hi Alexandra! Since Cambridge isn't far from Toronto, we are freezing our behinds off here, too! My lucky husband gets to go to Nova Scotia next week to install machines outside. Since I have been longing to go away on a vacation, he gallantly offered that I accompany him to fill the desire for a trip. Since there are no palm trees in Nova Scotia, I "graciously" declined. Stay warm!

 

Hugs

Jojo

Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
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Joined: Jul 2012

Let's give husbands a much deserved break and go someplace warm and textile-optional. Canadian girls gone wild.

Fox and Ron know that I'm not kidding.

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 488
Joined: Oct 2013

Hi Alexandra,

You are putting temptation in my way....and I am weak!!! We were planning to go to Jamaica in March (okay - I will be honest - I was planning to go to Jamaica -hubby was willing to tag along). But we have a floor in our kitchen that HAS to be replaced - it is actually hazardous - that won out. Choosing the responsible, grown up option really stinks! lol

I have a feeling we would have a blast together in Jamaica! Jamaica would never be the same.

Love the snowman photo!

Cheers, mon!

Jojo

Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
Posts: 1271
Joined: Jul 2012

Here are highlights of my last husband-less trip to Negril 2 months ago. Ya mon!

http://csn.cancer.org/node/263880http://csn.cancer.org/node/263970

Have fun in Vegas Jojo! I've been there twice and it's awesome. Take a tour of Hoover Dam and Grand Canyon while you're there.

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 2066
Joined: Oct 2011

in Jamaica......uhm.....I do think you 2 would turn the place upside down.  You two on the booze, I mean you two on the loose, Scarey thought. If you guys ever party together, I want to be there. I can see it already.

Reminds me of when I first started going to biker parties. Usually 2 or 3 times a summer, I hit a campground for bikers only. Let's say that just about anything goes. The women scared the crap out of me. Shyness and biker chick are never used in the same sentence. Now I wouldn't miss these parties for the world....Hey, maybe you 2 would like to join me.......I know you can handle yourselves. These parties are life changing for a lot of people. Easy to forget about cancer for a few days.

 

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 2066
Joined: Oct 2011

Forgot the primary reason for this topic. I don't think everyone feels that humor belongs in such a serius forum. Some people have no sense of humor. We had people who thought our gallows humor was very distasteful. (I know, it must suck to be them). But being scared to death of cancer is no way to go through life. Everytime we chuckle, we improve our health and outlook. I think Gary has been lurking but is on sabatical. We miss you Gary!

..What did the kidney cancer say to the bone cancer?

Have we met before?

See, that stunk. But even a bad joke helped to not think of cancer for a moment. We all need breaks from this site. Gary will return.

Srashedb
Posts: 246
Joined: Dec 2013

without humor, how do people get through a deadly disease??? Sarah

GSRon's picture
GSRon
Posts: 1306
Joined: Jan 2013

Playin in the dirt
and ya feel a little squirt
Diarrea
Diarrea

Walkin down tha hall
and ya feel somethin fall
Diarrea
Diarrea

Climbing up a tree
and feels hot like pee
Diarrea Diarrea

i could go on but i have to go 

Frank302's picture
Frank302
Posts: 71
Joined: Feb 2013

Did you say deadly ?????!!!!!

twinthings's picture
twinthings
Posts: 403
Joined: Jun 2013

I love your new pic Frank

Frank302's picture
Frank302
Posts: 71
Joined: Feb 2013

I keep a big version hanging in the chicken coop to scare the coyotes away .

Limelife50's picture
Limelife50
Posts: 420
Joined: Nov 2011

I don"t remember anyone ever complaining about Gary and his humor here so Gary if you are out there please come back we all miss you.Oh also what ever happened to Alice i really miss not having her here also.

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 488
Joined: Oct 2013

I'm in! How about you, Alexndra? Laughing

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 2066
Joined: Oct 2011

only into upstate NY. 6 hours. 4 if alex drives her turbo. Not Americade.

twinthings's picture
twinthings
Posts: 403
Joined: Jun 2013

If I could be so rude as to invite myself to y'alls little shindig, I can be upstate NY in 5 hours.  I'm curising to Haiti and Jamaica in two weeks, after that I'm a free bird.  Can you imagine the fun we'd have?

 

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 488
Joined: Oct 2013

I think we should try and plan it sometime soon!!

My husband would say I am crazy. But right from the beginning I told him that I was crazy....but in a good way, of course. Kiss

Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
Posts: 1271
Joined: Jul 2012

Dark humor is like cancer. Not everyone gets it. Sorry if it offends someone.

How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10. 1 to change the bulb, and 9 to talk about how inspired they are.

GSRon's picture
GSRon
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Joined: Jan 2013

Cancer offends me.. much else I just let go out the other ear if I do not like it...... Tongue Out

 

Ron - from the motorcycle song...  "you gotta sing it like you just squashed a cop.."

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 2066
Joined: Oct 2011

is a tent and sleeping bag. Everything else is available. June 20,21,22. Non stop beer, music, motorcycles, and whatever else you want. Sort of a Woodstock for bikers. If drunken naked people offend you, not the place for you. Extroverts do well. You guys would fit right in. It's a long ride Ron....or you can fly to toronto....

GSRon's picture
GSRon
Posts: 1306
Joined: Jan 2013
 
Loud Music...Life just gets better as you get older, doesn't it?
I was in a Starbucks Coffee shop recently when my stomach
started rumbling, and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.
 
The place was packed, but the music was really loud.
So to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to
the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel
much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was
staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my I-pod.
 
This is what happens when old people start using technology.

 
Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
Posts: 1271
Joined: Jul 2012

Americade sounds like a place to be. Drunken naked people inspire me. Unfortunately I don't own a bike. I have a friend with Yamaha, 1980 Camaro and a mullet who will probably be available because he just got laid off. Would they let him in, or is it Harley crowd only?

Ron, you have the best bodily functions jokes! I hope GaryM returns and brings back his more sophisticated humor.

GSRon's picture
GSRon
Posts: 1306
Joined: Jan 2013

Let's see...   I have been called:  Ron the Late and a few other things... so why not Ron the Tramp..?

Wonder if I could make that shin dig...  June 2-7..  here is a link..  http://www.americade.com/

Ron

GSRon's picture
GSRon
Posts: 1306
Joined: Jan 2013

OK, for those NOT in the loop, in about 6 weeks is an annual ritual.. and event above all.. well to those that attend that is.. (sorry special invite only).  It will be St C Day... or also known as St Cholesterol Day.. a day of wretched excess..!  Wine, booze, food, friends, and dirty limericks abound..  Oh yes on songs... got to have songs. I can not wait to find out what new songs we have this year..!!  And often this ends up being like a 3 day food and booze fest..

The list of folks is amazing.. all different people from all over...   Can't wait..!

Ron

Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
Posts: 1271
Joined: Jul 2012

Cancer limerics for you Ron. I lifted them from the 27-year-old Hodgkin's survivor's blog because I liked them. I hope he doesn't mind.

A young male’s member was discharging,
So straight to his doc he went charging.
But the tests all went bad
He had cancer, poor lad.
Now his lymph nodes’re all that’s enlarging.

Cancer can become quite a grind,
Just to keep up the presence of mind
Not to torture or maim
Those twits who exclaim
“What luck! Isn’t that the good kind?”

My body was acting erratic;
Of a sickness I seemed symptomatic.
Diagnostical tells
Revealed renegade cells
Had invaded my system lymphatic.

A tumor-struck mosquito toured
‘Round the confines of my cancer ward.
He filled himself in a flood
With my chemo blood,
And like that! the lil’ bugger was cured.

The limerick’s a form metronomical
For bemoaning the flaws biological
That pile up in each cell
‘Til they spawn holy-hell
And start f#cking up things anatomical.

I'm retching, my meal's all a'splat;
It's a week since I've last had a shat;
My veins are on fire;
I feel fit to expire:
And yet chemo's a cure for all that!

A cancer-struck virgin would seek hard
For floozies who could take his V-card.
Saying ‘I want, ere I die,’
‘To unzip a girl's fly,’
He made masterful use of the C-card.

I’m bald as a green crocodilian,
With no hair to hide my poor willy in.
The chemo stripped all
Of the fuzz from each ball
Just as well as a full Brazilian.

I felt like I wanted to quit
This cancer-cursed life for a bit.
With carpe-diem my motto,
I got a bit blotto,
‘Cause I’m far too young for this sh#t!

A man both prudish and chaste
By cancer was lain straight to waste.
His poor sense of humor
Was devoured by a tumor,
And the tumor found that in bad taste!

It’s a soft breath of fresh ocean breeze.
It’s the tops; it’s the tit$; the bee’s knees.
It’s rainbows, sunsets,
Puppies, candy, and sex:
Oh sweet bliss, I’ve beat the disease!

 

GSRon's picture
GSRon
Posts: 1306
Joined: Jan 2013

Oh my.. those are great...  wonder what the crowd will think..??  Won't care after the second bottle of wine.. heh..  Thanks..!!  Wink

Ron

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 2066
Joined: Oct 2011

That is a Honda Goldwing crowd. Too reserved. Or is it mature? We don't go there..... What I'm talking about is a private party. With thousands of people. Ten years ago if you didn't have a Harley or if you didn't look and act like a biker at this place, you could be quite intimidated. You had to walk the walk, talk the talk. But now we are getting older. Average age is still probably 50-55 , but the younger crowd is much less hardcore Harley. You can ride a Yamaha or take a car. There are lots of motorhomes too. This place is BIG.

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 488
Joined: Oct 2013

Hahahha - 2 of my brothers-in-law drive goldwings....you are so right....they are VERY reserved! Party sounds like a blast!

 

 

GSRon's picture
GSRon
Posts: 1306
Joined: Jan 2013

Actually... there may be a chance I would drive out... with at least one BSA in tow.  (need two for when the ***** Stops Again)...  Actually only one...  Not sure about a tent though... need some kind of electricery...

Ron

CommuterMom's picture
CommuterMom
Posts: 120
Joined: Jan 2014

Where do you go Fox? I live kinda of Upstate NY. I told my husband he can't go to Daytona this year so maybe he and my father can cruise up.  I live off the NY Thruway.

donna_lee's picture
donna_lee
Posts: 438
Joined: Feb 2009

Where's Gary?  Let's Party? or Raunchy Jokes?  OK...all three.  But still want to know about Gary.  And Here goes...

I'm reading a humorus book called "Why do I have to Learn all this Crap?"   A semi-autobiographical rendering about our local school and it's students and teachers, written by a guy who has been teaching Basic Math and Pre-Algebra to some of America's future World Leaders for 27 years.  NOT.

Over his morning coffee, he is reading the local paper and comes across the story about the older woman who was arrested and sentenced for having 72 cats living in her house.  Part of her sentence was that she could not own a four legged animal for five years.  The author mused that what if her probation officer paid a visit, and all the animals were called Tripod.

Had I been drinking my coffee at the time, the book would have brown freckles.

Yeah...I need to post a new pix.

Have a g'day.

Donna

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

Not exactly raunchy, but maybe a little slipperyInnocent

 

A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked on the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around her feet. "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"


She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."


"If you don't mind me asking," he said, "what do you use it for?"


"We use it for sex," she said.


The researcher was a little taken aback. "Usually people lie and say they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty.. Since you've been so frank, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"


The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."

GSRon's picture
GSRon
Posts: 1306
Joined: Jan 2013

OK, just got this from a long time pal...  I will run for cover now.......

Ron Cool

 

Guts or Balls????

Medical: Distinction Between Guts and Balls (As in “that guy really has guts” or “he really has balls”)
            
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.  We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the  difference between them?  In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:            
 
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a  night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
            
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night  out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
            
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
 
Medically speaking there is no difference in the outcome.  Both result in death.
 
 
aamdsi
Posts: 210
Joined: Apr 2014

Still giggling!

 

Thanks for that...I think 8-)

Laurie

 

and you're right, both would cause the life expectancy of the person to be considerably shortened.

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