CSN Login
Members Online: 9

lost my mother a yr this month to cervical cancer

jenna2772's picture
jenna2772
Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2013

My mother was diagnosed August 2011 and gone november 6 2012.. it was in the blink of an eye and I feel I didnt get to say all I needed to and I cant seem to deal with it or move forward, a part of me died along with her, I have forgotten how to laugh and how to enjoy the people around me. I feel guilty she was only 56 years old. Anyone have advise as to how im supposed to move forward? Everyday i relive the last things I said to her.I just want to move forward with my life. I have 3 girls to care for. 

nempark
Posts: 596
Joined: Apr 2010

Hi Jenna:  I too have suffered a great loss one year ago.  I have lost a beautiful child.  The pain is unbearable sometimes so I cry myself until I can't cry anymore.  I too feel guilty and wish I had done more.  But let me tell you sweetheart, this is all part of life.  I thought I would crawl under a rock and die, but no, my child would not have wanted that.  Lots of regrets.  I remember when I got mad at her. There is nothing to feel guilty of Jenna, it is the grieving process.  My heart hurts as I am writing to you and I haven't written to anyone lately, but I feel your pain.  Your have your girls to live for do your best to cope, everyone grieve in their own way.  I am attaching an article I found on line which I think is wonderful.  Here it is:  I wish you all the best and I know as time goes by you will be able to feel better.  My best to you.

 

TRUST IN TIME:The phrase :Time heals all wounds" may sound like a meaningless cliche, but the truth is that you will recover from this loss in time.  Initially, memories will hurt you to your core, even the good one, but at some point that will begin to change, and you will come to cherish those memories.  They will bring a smile to your face and joy to your heart.  Grief is similar to a roller coaster or the ocean's tide.  Know that it is okay to take time off from grieving to smile, laugh and enjoy life.  This does not mean you are forgetting your beloved mom; that would be impossible.

Be well for your kids, you wouldn't want them to experience what you are going through. If this is any comfort to you. The Bible says that when you die it's as if you are in a deep sleep and there will be a time of resurrection. Revelation 21:3,4  No more pain or suffering.  I hope I bring you some measure of comfort.

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 347
Joined: Apr 2009

Hey Jenna:

 

Nempark is right....sounds odd, and sounds almost harsh, but time does help and it is going to become your friend. For now, it might be your enemy. It was mine. I hated it as it was just passing by as if nothing happened. Got me so mad. But eventualy, "we" became friends. I realized time does help. And as Nempark said, you don't want your mom see you devastated...she would feel so guilty. She wants to see you happy, and have fun with your kids. Tell them always what your Mom liked, so that they see how great their grandma was. I never had grandparents, so I always wondered how would've my grandparents looked. I was afraid to ask Mom, it seemed such a taboo, but deep down in my heart I was always wondering about them and was always jealous when I heard others saying how their grandparents did this and that. Then I remember one time I got home from school and was upset at mom. She was asking me what is wrong. I told her that I hate how the kids have cookies because their grandma made it at the weekend and I asked, or rather scolded, mom why she never makes any. Before that she never talked about her mom ever. At that moment she sat me down and told me to look at her in the eye. I looked at her, and to my surprise, I saw tears in her eyes. I was shocked...like I didn't even understand why she is almost crying. It was just so weird, and odd. Then she told me that she was only 17 years old when her mom died, so she never really learned how to make cookies, and cakes etc. I still didn't fully understood the connection between the two, but seeing my mom's eyes all watery made me feel so miserable that without any comment I felt she has more than justified why I never have birthday cakes, and why I never get cookies and I just hugged her. The point is, be the way your Mom wants to see you! Tell tales, stories of you and your Mom to your kids, let them laugh with you, as well as realize that your Mom was a piece of diamond! Because all Moms are a piece of diamond, I believe. And really, time will be your friend...you just have to accept "its friendship".

Be strong! All the best!

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1627
Joined: Aug 2009

In this fast paced American life style we expect to move on after just one year of grieving. That rarely happens in real life. One year may seem like a long time, but we never really heal our broken hearts in such a short time. In fact, our hurt will never really totally go away. We will always carry our loved ones with us, remembering them, loving them. We do learn to go forward, though. we learn to appreciated how blessed we were to have them in our lives even for a short time, and it is never long enough. That said, you may need help dealing with your grief, and you owe it to your family to seek that help. It is never too late to join a grief group or get grief counseling. You can get a referral from your local hospice or ask your doctor. Maybe you will need meds, too. That's ok. Asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness. Grief is hard work. If you feel like you are stuck in your grief, you need to get help. Find out what is available. Then take care of yourself so you can care for your girls. Fay

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network