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I am new here and was wondering if anyone has had similar experiences or had advice for me.  While away from "home" at graduate school I was diagnosed with Burkitt's lymphoma.  At the time i was in a 2 year serious relationship with a girl I loved very much.  I received one month inpatient treatment at the local hospital before going to live with my parents (3000 miles away) to complete the next 7 rounds of chemo.  My girlfriend was very supportive for the first several months of the treatment and she was a large part of my support base and the one thing/person who could make me happy.  Some time during my treatment she met someone else and they carried on an affair without my knowledge.  When I returned to graduate school she confessed to the affair and said she wasn’t sure which of us she wants to be with.  I gave her time to figure this out and it seemed like she had (after he showed up at the house she was and woke up the whole street and only left when she called the cops). However, I found out later that they kept hanging out even after that. 

Now she is making demands of me to "win her back".  She wants me to make large investments (car), possibly move from my apartment and plan things for us to do all the time.  I have only been in remission for 3 months and making long term plans is nerve racking I currently have an eye problem that is most likely a result of the cancer and will have my first CT scan done to check to see if the cancer is back tomorrow.  On the other hand the only times that I am truly happy are when I am with her and I am equally scared of losing that. 

Posts: 50
Joined: Oct 2013

When you are sick you really need true friends who will be in for when the times are truly rough, so lesson learned my friend she is not a loyal person so even though you have feelings for this gal, where was she when you were out of sight ( not loyal) as you mentioned she was having a good time instead of being your susport , I bet if you were healthy you would not put up with from her , so why sell yourself cheap because you are sick. I would drop her like a bad habit and move on with my life . She is not worth a car, a move, or for that matter your time, if so there would be no demands put on you but as you said you need to focus on what is ahead  of yourself and not be distracted with someone who is so surface . Just keep in mind it may painful now to see things as they really are, but REALLY A CAKE WALK, compared with how it will be if you hang on. People really show their true self when the chips are down , we need to just pay attention . I hope the best for you, remember being alone can be lonely but being with the wrong person can be much worst.  


sharpy102's picture
Posts: 357
Joined: Apr 2009

I agree with gravelroad. You should forget this lady. If she demands that you "win her back" that means she doesn't truly love you. If she did, she would've been with you the whole time first of all, second, she would be waiting for you with open arms, and doesn't matter if you guys live in the dust, doesn't matter if you guys have to go everywhere by bus or walk, or bike the best thing is available and that is each other. She clearly doesn't need you, she just tries to get the "most" out of you. I mean it's quiet disgusting. With that effort what she's doing I could ask you to buy a car for me. It's not right. The only difference in this situation that you never knew me (and don't know me) while you knew her. But other than this fact, there's nothing different between the two situation. If I were you I would give up on her. You'll find someone who will truly love you and once you'll tell her your story she'll only feel guilty for not knowing you at that time so that she could've been helping you and be by your side. Seriously! Think about it! You're in grad school....be smart! Just end your relationship with her! It's not worth it in any way. If she wanted to renew the relationship with you she wouldn't demand you to "win her back" but more would have the attitude of "I love you and I'm so glad you're willing to give me another chance for stepping out and leaving you for another relationship when you needed me the most. I feel terrible and I admit I made a huge mistake, and all I'm asking is to please give me another chance." Not like asking for a car....tell her to go, get a job and buy a car on her own if she wants one. Period.

I wish you the best, buddy!

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