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I lost my mom to breast cancer

DataWraith
Posts: 3
Joined: Nov 2013

My mom had been diagnosed in August of 2012 and I lost her on October 19th, 2013. Ductal carcinoma.

I left my job when she had been diagnosed to be by her side through everything, the doctor appointments, the treatments, surgery and radiation. I felt absolutely horrible telling her, of course but she had been on a cruise with her friend when I gave her the results from the doctor. She called me during her trip to see if I had heard from the doctor.

She had 3 months of chemo which had almost no side effects on her with the exception of the loss of her hair. No one would have known she was receiving chemo treatments unless she told them. Once the chemo regiment had been completed, she had a mastectomy and then followed up with 6 weeks of radiation, everyday. During the radiation is when her breast cancer metastasized to her bones and the protective barrier of the brain had cancer cells there too.

She was then to begin a new regiment of chemo, Ixempra and with that medicine, she had a much more difficult time. Numerous side effects and the medicine was taking it's toll on her. She had troubles rebounding her blood counts, had a few hospital stays due to the blood counts and some other issues.

She wasn't able to get a port during this time with the low blood counts, only her right arm was available for checking blood pressure and IVs. Her most recent stay in the hospital was due to Tachycardia, rapid heartbeat. My mom was kept on the hospital's telemetry floor and after being a patient for 5 days, was doing OK and set to be released the following day. The evening before being released, she had received a PICC, spiked a fever of 104 by the next morning and had sepsis.

She remained in the hospital's ICU for a total of one week, had shown a slight improvement within 2 days but then began to worsen. During this time in the ICU, the doctor who supervised the ICU along with some nurses, told numerous visitors that my mom was suffering among other things. Each night when I came home from the ICU, I would spend many hours with my mom's friends assuring them that this was not the case and that I was in continous contact with her Oncologist. The Oncologist had said that in many instances the staff of ICU's see a cancer patient and have a skewed outlook. I insisted with the Oncologist that this shouldn't be happening, he said he would speak with the staff but the unprofessional behavior continued for the duration of my mother's stay in the ICU. I spent many hours consoling her friends, updating them to what was going on and what medications were being given to ensure she wasn't in pain.

After a week my brother and I had decided it was time to make mom comfortable as her condition had been deteriorating. She had passed the following day in the hospital's hospice. It was of course very difficult the entire situation but it had definitely been made worse by the staff.

After her passing, greed set in and started another phase of extremely difficult times. My mom had been remarried and I have a step-father who started to make plays for all her posession, money, Etc. before she had passed away. Mainly my mom's social security benefits, which he promised that is all he had been concerned with. He also went on a 4 day golf trip when my mother was in the ICU.

They had been separated for roughly 15 years but my mom came back home as did I, where we had lived for many years and where my step-father had lived. There were no ill feelings between them and were amicable. As my mom's care giver for the year and a half, I had access to her bank accounts, debit cards in order to pay bills, also make deposits. We were honestly just getting by with the cost of everything. During the process of completing cremation paperwork, death certificates my step-father says to me that he has garbage bags to throw her stuff out. Not using stuff, a word that starts with s but is only 4 letters. Caught me by surprise and I responded by saying, "she only passed away 2 days ago, I'm in the middle of doing this paperwork as you can see and her best friend had already told me she would help me go through her clothes and other items."

My step-father was already in touch with social security as I previously mentioned and knew exactly what day her payment would be in her account. I advised him there was other money in the account that had been mine, showed him a document from my previous employer stating the PTO amount to be paid and other ATM receipts showing deposits. The discussion got heated and then two days after my mom's passing, I am being told to, "get the f**k out of the house." I couldn't believe he said it, couldn't believe this was happening. I told him I would get the social security payment from the bank but other money in there was mine and first needed to be sorted. I did get the payment out, left it for him on the kitchen table in cash. He then went down to the bank with the now received death certificate in hand and froze the account.

He has since closed the account, kept my money that was in there for my mother and myself. He is now asking for the title to her car as he says, "so I can sell it." Called up her car insurance company and cancelled the insurance and told me to, "stay the f**k out of the car." It was my only means to get around as I cancelled the insurance on my car as money had been tight and I kept as much as possible available if or when needed.

My mom had belonged to an Elks and they had a ceremony this past week, requested I bring the ashes but had to tell them I couldn't. Only my step-father has the authority to pick up the ashes and they have been available for pick up now for over a week.

I am so devastated that I lost my mom who meant the world to me and who I had been closer than ever to for the past year and a half, now this is happening to me as well.

I feel that all or any dignity and respect for her passing away has been completely diminished. This man knowing I am feeling completely devastated is without a doubt intentionally adding to my grief and intentionally hurting me. I am really trying to rely on my brother, who is my step-father's biological son, help me out with the situation. I told him everything that has happened and he does call his father (my brother recently got married and doesn't live in this house anymore) and my brother told me that once he closes the bank account, I will get my money. I know that's not happening as I've already seen the money in an envelope with my brother's name on it.

I would leave the house but then all my posessions would be thrown out on the street along with my mothers. I planned on attending bereavement groups too to help me cope with the loss of my mom but I now don't have a way to get to them now and this man has taken all my money.

I am sorry, maybe I've shared too much but I feel completely overwhelmed, by everything. I cannot believe that this is even happening to me. I feel like I needed to let it out to people who can understand the loss of a loved one but I'm not sure people can relate to the additional grief that is now happening.

I hate to say becareful during times like these because you think you can trust people under such circumstances. I couldn't fathom doing such a thing to someone, being so cruel, heartless, selfish but there are people that can be.

 

New Flower
Posts: 4099
Joined: Aug 2009

hi

I am very sorry for your lloss our site will help you to ccope please hold to good memories of your mother

teresa41's picture
teresa41
Posts: 454
Joined: Jun 2009

I'm sorry for the loss of your mom ! I can somewhat relate I was diagnosed April 2009 with breast cancer diagnosed again April 2010 . My situation was my fiancé died feb 21 , 2011 he drowned ice fishing we were together 8 years  we built a house together  he assured me my name was on it and he had a will making sure I got the home . He was buried feb 26, 2011 i returned home after the cemetery not long after a sheriff pulled up along with his 2 grown mean kids to remove me from the house the officer asked me for proof I lived there I had mail showing I did live there so they're plan didn't work . So they hired a lawyer I received letters to get out I contacted a lawyer he advised me to take all my property and all I purchased when I moved so they had me out on march 16, 2011. There I sat alone in the house trying to figure out what to do forget about grieving I had to pack find a place and move because of the drama and chaos they created for me. For some the claws come out when someone passes away greed and nasty people come out . The  2 of them were at the lake when they pulled my fiancé out of the water they had the nerve to take the money out of his pockets and went and bought pop gas and cigaretes with it. I learned from it all though if I don't see something  in ink I won't believe words anymore ! I own my own house now and I'm a survivor through it all life is a teacher and I think people will reap what they sew ! I wish you the best you might contact a lawyer about your personal property !

 

teresa

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5490
Joined: Oct 2010

SORRY TO HEAR...

Denise

Third_Generation's picture
Third_Generation
Posts: 121
Joined: Apr 2010

I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my mother when she was 66 yrs old and I was in my early 40's.   She had fought cancer for 20 years from the 70's to 1991.  THings have changed so much and there are so many more effective treatments now but we still lose our loved ones.   Mom is never far from  my thoughts and will be loved forever.   

Good luck and happiness in your life especially as you go through this trying time.

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