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Alone with stage 4 breast cancer sucks!

Vannessah01's picture
Posts: 5
Joined: Sep 2013

I'm new to this board, new to cancer, just diagnosed this year with stage 4 breast cancer.  I've never had any symptoms, other than a lump.  First medical provider did lumpectomy but then the oncologist told me they wouldn't do chemo because I was stage 4.  I changed medical providers and have just finished 19 weeks of low-dose chemo with 5 more to go.  No parents or siblings.  Husband got angry and mean, so he's gone.  I have friends, they're sweet, but they don't understand.  I'm 53 and still raising three kids, 16, 13, 10.  I guess no one ever expects to get cancer, but I never expected to have to do this alone.  Just scared . . . and alone.  Suggestions?  Resourses?  Anyone in the Pacific Northwest?

Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2013

I understand and will be praying for you!  I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I have three children as well.  My fiancee left after hearing the news and I, too, felt alone and abandoned.  I'm still in treatment with good days and bad days but I'm here to let you know that there are many of us who will journey this situation with you.  You don't have to be alone! How is the chemo going? I finished 8 rounds in June.

Vannessah01's picture
Posts: 5
Joined: Sep 2013

Chemo is probably going better than I expected.  It's been 19 straight weeks of chemo every Friday - 5 more weeks to go, then a PET scan to see how it looks.  My husband won't be with me, I'll take a friend, but it's not the same.  I'm working some, but really, really exhausted and my fingers and toes hurt terribly.  My fingernails look unhuman!  Thank you so much for responding!

Vannessah01's picture
Posts: 5
Joined: Sep 2013

Chemo is probably going better than I expected.  It's been 19 straight weeks of chemo every Friday - 5 more weeks to go, then a PET scan to see how it looks.  My husband won't be with me, I'll take a friend, but it's not the same.  I'm working some, but really, really exhausted and my fingers and toes hurt terribly.  My fingernails look unhuman!  Thank you so much for responding!

jlharris's picture
Posts: 48
Joined: Apr 2013

I am in the Vancouver WA area. Are you near by?

coco2008's picture
Posts: 420
Joined: May 2013

You are not alone.  We are here for you.  We understand because we have been or are going through it too.  You might also check to see if there is a cancer support group nearby.

My love and prayers are with you.


Vannessah01's picture
Posts: 5
Joined: Sep 2013

I live in Oregon City.  Not too far from Vancouver.

tasha_111's picture
Posts: 2066
Joined: Oct 2008

Hi Hun, I know exactly where you are coming from.  I left everything to be with the 'Man of my Nightmares'... when I got cancer he basically used it as something to beat me with.   I eventually had to resort to womens rescue just to get the hell away from him and his nastiness, I have no family here in Canada (all are still in England)  I am 52, got breast cancer 5 1/2 years ago..He told me I deserved to have cancer as I was not from a religious family... LMAO!!!!!!!!!!  Anyhow, I just recurred, mets to bones and breast and whatever, Life is short but good now.  Anytime you want to talk, just txt me... IM or whatever..... Huge Hugs Julia.........This too shall pass xxxxxxxx

kamcat1962's picture
Posts: 40
Joined: Mar 2013

I wish I could tell you I am in your shoes. I am very blessed good husband (22yrs on Sat)kids grown, just us now although we are far away from family. I have stage 4 also, reoccurred and then metatisized while on chemo, on a new drug now, Kadcyla, so far so good. I am glad to hear you have good friends.  I have some family that I would gladly trade in and I have friends that are my "earthly angels" The hardest thing for me was to learn how to enjoy each day for what it is. I just get up in the morning put my feet on the floor and hope that I can enjoy the day to it's fullest. At night I lay my head on the pillow and am grateful for the day. I know that probably is the last thing you really want to hear right now but it is really how we should all live our lives cancer or no. I pray that you will be able to find some help(don't be afraid or too proud to ask for it) and that you find some peace and joy for yourself and your children.  Prayers and good thoughts coming your way. Stay in touch.  Bless you, Cathy K.

New Flower
Posts: 4300
Joined: Aug 2009

I am very sorry and understand that you in shock. Being a healthy young person diagnosed with stage IV cancer. I hope your kids are giving you courage to fight and overcome this difficut diagnosis. I also have mets to my bones and only 51 years old. Please know that you can find great support and compassion here at CNS and please come any time with questions or just to cream or vent. Cancer is sucks for sure


Vannessah01's picture
Posts: 5
Joined: Sep 2013

Sorry, guess I've hit the "submit" tab one too many times trying to figure out posting responses.  Thank you everyone for your kind words.  I was always the one helping everyone else.  I was never sick and could always do for myself.  It's so difficult to accept help, meals, support, rides to chemo, ugh!!!  And so outside my comfort zone to find new ways to deal with this.  I'm trying to look at it positively, but sometimes it just feels overwhelming.  And the emotional ups and downs of five months of chemo isn't helping! 

hope4thebest's picture
Posts: 108
Joined: Aug 2012

Hi, Breast cancer is something that robs you of so much energy, but try to ask for help at this time.  With the shock of diagnosis, I also went through a time that I was very alone and it is hard to break out, but try to do it with someone who might be receptive?  It could be with someone that you least expect.  If you're not ready to talk about it, this board is an excellent way to release.  I also journaled, to let go of feelings. Many virtual hugs, 

Posts: 63
Joined: Sep 2013

Vannessah01,  you certainly have every right to have your emotional ups and downs.  But you have already taken one positive step that I was late coming to, this web/blog.  You can scream, vent, cry, ask for advice, suggestions, etc, etc and noone will critize you.  We all share one very common experience, cancer.  I don't know where you are being treated, but 'my' cancer center offers a very large range of support systems, any luck with an idea like that?  In the mean time, you are probably learning who your really true friends are, I will never be able to repay a few of mine, my husband was great, well, not so much about understanding the hair loss, but in every other way.  BUT, it was my friends who did all the unexpected kindnesses, plus allowed me to sometimes pretend that I wasn't a cancer patient.  Regarding your children, different sitiuation, but sort of the same, when our son was 16, daughter was in her Sophmore university year, their dad/my husband was hospitalized for depression.  A very wise women, who also is a licensed psychologist, suggested getting the 'children' into therapy that was there strictly for them, and not to make their fathers disease theirs.    And, what you probably don't need is any more coping suggestions.

SIROD's picture
Posts: 2204
Joined: Jun 2010

Ask to speak to the health care advocate at your cancer center.  They have everything at their fingertips and can help you.   Here are some of the places you might try.

Best to you as you go through this very difficult journey.





MedAccess: 1-877-275-1787  Provides help with paying for prescription medications.


Cancer Resource Foundation    cancer1source.org   508-630-2243 Free, customized cancer resources including a national genetic testing copay assistance program, help with post-mastectomy products and services, and other costs. 

American Cancer Society www.cancer.org

On the right is a blue panel that has Resources and Support Programs that you can also check on.

They also provide rides to your center if you need transportation.  

Posts: 6068
Joined: Oct 2010

you found a great group here for support or place to VENT....


Posts: 534
Joined: Dec 2010

Heavens sake a double wammy.  So sorry.  Two teenagers and one coming up to those turbulent years.  Are your children understanding all what has happened at least to a certain degree?  You have done well managing all that chemo for all this time already.  I think you are a lot stronger than you think but now get yourself some help from the sites someone has mentioned or perhaps your cancer nurse can set you up with ideas.  They are pretty good, it is time for you to get some company to chat to and share, just for your sanity.  I don't live near you, are you British?  Me too. 

jlharris's picture
Posts: 48
Joined: Apr 2013

Here is a website for a support group in Oregon. http://www.breastfriends.org/portland-metro-area-resources/

I have gone to the one in Vancouver WA and it really helps to talk to women face to face who are going through the same journey! I hope this helps!

Good Luck and I will keep you in my prayers!


By my Grace's picture
By my Grace
Posts: 3
Joined: Sep 2013

I am new to this board and I feel the same way sometimes.  Never think you are alone.  I had a horrible day yesterday after my 5 round of chemo and just broke down and cried.  I know I am not lone but feel that way.  I think its all the drugs we are getting.  If you never need a friend to talk to I am here.

blessings to you

I will be having r. mast. l/b in November and my chemo is next month.  Today I feel alive again and can walk.



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