Aug 08, 2013 - 2:32 pm
I've been thinking and reflecting a lot maybe this will help me just telling it here. It has been over 4 years since diagnosed the first time over three years since the second time. It has been 2 1/2 years since my fiancé died in a fishing accident he drowned I think of him daily i also have dreams a few times a week of him my day is usually very sad from the dreams . it seems like I'm stuck In my life sometimes I think maybe try and meet someone again then I think no I'm ok and i can't get hurt anymore alone .plus having had breast cancer makes it harder. I have gained so much weight after he passed I'm taking tamoxifen and celexa for depression that hasn't helped with the weight. I Went to my primary Dr last week he jumped all over me because I told him my lower back hurts well he says get some weight off then I told him I eat one meal a day walk my dogs daily and I clean houses for a living . He said well for one walking isn't excercise oh ok I thought . and told me well if you want to stay fat that's your choice . So I replied back to him google the medicine I am on . He says well you half to take the medicine. And you do go to the store dont you ? are you reading labels ? yes i read labels and i write down what i eat for dinner one meal is dinner daily.So I left in tears and really don't think I will go back. I see my oncoligist in october he will bring up my weight but he wont be rude about it at least i hope not! I do not like the weight and I have no clue what to do. I joined weight watchers lost a few pounds that was that. I have no family here or friends to talk to or for support so maybe me writing this here will help. I know I should not say this but somedays I wonder why God took Larry and not me I ask that a lot I'm sorry my dogs keep me going i want to make sure they are ok and taken care of . I don't have kids either. i know someone posted about being positive I'm sorry to be a Debby' downer but I haven't felt positive in a while!
thanks In advance!