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Loss

danker
Posts: 723
Joined: Apr 2012

We all have losses of various kinds. Be it the children leave, or become estranged.  A spouse or significant other Dies or leaves via divorce.   Whatever the way , loss is indeed hard.

My wife Josephine and I were married 56 years last month.  Yet I will soon loose her.  In a way I have lost her already, since sshe is no longer the lady I married so long ago.  She has alzheimers, and according to her Dr. probably won't make it to Christmas. 

I was dxed in December of 2009. 2010 brought chemo coupled with radiation.  Then a resection of my colon requiring an ileostomy.

6 weeks later a reversal of the ileostomy only to suffer a fistula.  But the fistula healed itself from the inside out.  God saw to it hat I was NED because Josephine needed me.  November 2012 I had to move her to a nursing home since she required more care than I could provide at home.

In a way I have already lost her, since she is no longer the lady I married so long ago.  With my 4 children I do have fond memories of the 50+ good years we had.  We often traveled seeing most of the world over the years.

 

Cherish your loved ones while you have them.  

 

I wish you all as many good years as Josephine and I have had.

danker
Posts: 723
Joined: Apr 2012

Sorry for the duplication!

Deena11
Posts: 193
Joined: Nov 2012

I'm so sorry you are losing your wife and you have had to struggle with your health while trying to help her.  It's hard to fight the battle you have fought and to want to be able to help her at the same time.  You are strong.

You and your children have many good memories.  Hold on to those.  You are correct...we must cherish our loved ones while we have them.

Hold strong but know that tears can also heal.

Deena

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 7864
Joined: Aug 2005

We have 2 friends in advanced Alzheimers....

 

This disease is often called "The long goodbye".....we cherish the time we have left with our friends, who are rapidly getting beyond recognizing us.   But, as with you, dear soul, we were honored with their love, so now we will stand by....

 

Sending gentle hugs, Kathi

k44454445's picture
k44454445
Posts: 494
Joined: Jul 2012

I am sorry you are going thru this. It has to be very difficult. Please know my prayers are for her & you & your family.

judy

janderson1964
Posts: 1503
Joined: Oct 2011

It breaks my heart to hear your story. My best friend is going through the same thing with his wife and i did some voluntere work for the memory care unit of a nursing home. So I know how brutal it is. I think it is one of the diseases that is worse than cancer. You are a strong brave man to endure everything you have been going through.

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 1290
Joined: Jan 2013

I am sorry to hear that your darling wife has Alzheimers.  Its hard to see the person you've loved for so long drift away.

My mum died 18 years ago next week, after suffering Alzheimers for eight years. She was a in a vegitative state the last time I saw her, but I looked into her eyes and said my farewell, and I can witness to you that I KNOW, deep in her soul that she felt my love, as I saw it in her eyes.

When she finally passed (I am living in America while she was in England) I did not mourn. My friends worried about that but I told them that I had lost her many years ago and had mourned her loss then. I was grateful for her release, knowing that her spirit was no longer trapped in her body.

May you experinece comfort as you go through this emotional time, both with your wife and your own battle. 

Blessings!

danker
Posts: 723
Joined: Apr 2012

Thank you all for your kind responses!!!

Maxiecat's picture
Maxiecat
Posts: 524
Joined: Jul 2012

Loss is a difficult thing to come to grips with. There is nothing you can do to be proactive about it....something, someone is just gone forever.  There is no pill or surgery or treatment to make it better...only time and holding onto your memories will ease the pain of loss of a loved one.  I think Alzheimer's is especially cruel....because the person you once loved is still here physically, but their spirit...the person who they once were is gone forever.  My mother lost her own mother to Alzheimer's when I was very young.  I remember as a child asking about her...all my mom told me was that when she would see me she thought I was her little girl...my mom.  

I can tell from the way that you talk about Josephine, that you love her very much and miss that connection with her that you once had.  You do have your memories of more than 50 years... A life well-lived.  Share those stories and memories with those you love that is what is really important.  many people ever realize what they have until faced with a life-threatening illness...or for some until it is too late.  

If cancer has given me anything, it is the gift of being able to recognize what is truly important.  And, that the people in my life are more important that what kind of car you drive, what you do for work for a living, where you live...those are not the things that matter.  It is spending time with and sharing who you really are that matters.  It is saying those things that sometimes go unsaid for long periods of time...like I love you.  

Alex

Luckygirl2
Posts: 307
Joined: Mar 2012

In 2011, I was diagnosed with Stage 3b CC, my first or second treatment, I get a call from my mom while I'm hooked up to all the good stuff telling me my stepdad (who was my dad) was not expected to make it through the day.  I was then threatened to stay put and finish my chemo before coming to the nursing home.  I finished chemo, made it to the nursing home, held my dad's hand and told him I was there, he moved his thumb like a slight squeeze and he took his last breath.  My daddy had been gone for several years, I beleive the last six months of life were spent with believing he was a little boy again in Kentucky.  He and I visited a lot of relatives in Kentucy while were tucked away in a hospital room in ARkansas one night. 

This disease steals the mind and leaves the caregiver trying to assure their loved one that they are safe and they are home.  You may be their mom or dad one day and their brother or sister the next and then you become a stranger.  You might see a glimpse of them for a moment every now and then but it is but for a moment. 

My heart goes out to you.  Know that she would tell you if she could, that she knows you have cared for and loved her for 56 years.  God bless you!

Debbie

 

 

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