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Tim6003 Hello CSN family

Tim6003's picture
Tim6003
Posts: 1495
Joined: Nov 2011

Hello to my online family. Man do I miss chatting you all up!  I'm hoping to get back on and post more often pretty soon.  Mom is officially now in an assisted living facility.  I won't pretend she is happy and all is well, in fact she is quite mean spirited and downright angry at me right now, but I know it has to do with the dementia / Alzheimer's. Heck, I'd be a be frustraed and upset too if I had been plucked out of my home of 13 years (2 years a widow) and plunked down 2,000 miles away!

 

I joking (well, kind of) told my oldest son and wife today "if I ever outlive my mind, take me out in the woods and leave me" ...(for all of you who know me, you will understand the humor, for those that do not, I'm probably not making a good impression at the moment.

 

So tonight I truly felt a strong urge just to go in my room and open a hard bible (not my online stuff I usually do) and boy did I get some good encouragement.  Then I thought, hey, I'lll pop in on my CSN family and drop a post, and what do I see, you guys posted "Tim" and some thoughts and boy that sure made my night.   So thanks all for thinking of me and for those prayers.  It's been a long, long 8 weeks.  (I flew to Daytona May 25, came back June 5 and have been working ooohhh so hard to get mom the care she needs all the way up until this past Thursday when we got her placed). 

For those that I did not share with, my scope and my lung / head & neck scan came back NED and my taste just the last few days (which came and then went again 3.5 months ago) is starting to come back!!! So excited about that, man do I miss TASTE!! (shhhh, we don't want to scare off the buds again).

 

For all you new folks, I has stage III Base of Tongue, one lympn node.  Rads and Erbitux (no surgery) and I am now NED at 20 months out.  I have lost a total of 100lbs, 70lbs ish in treatment and I had my feeding tube placed before treatments began in November 2011 and had it removed June 2012.

 

Well, I reallycould go on all night, truly miss everyone of you  ...and if you think I have forgotten any of you, I have not.  I said a prayer for every single person on the H&N CSN site tonight and asked the good Lord for miracles and for peace.

 

I have been getting my wood cutting / fishing in (nothing to hunt at the moment) but so much of my time truly hsa been with mom.  Just when I think I can say "this is the hardest thing I have ever done" ..something comes along to bump up a notch ....lol.

 

Take care all.....I truly hope to be posting more soon.

 

Love to all ...

Tim

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 2955
Joined: May 2012

Tim,

Well it is settled, you are fine, just busy with life.  I am still trying to think of a reason to go to Idaho (besides a free room).

I am glad things with your Mom are working out, let alone how happy I am for your clean check-ups and  returning taste buds.

Matt

VanessaSLO's picture
VanessaSLO
Posts: 280
Joined: Jul 2012

I'm so glad that you're fine and that you managed to settle things with your Mom. I know it must have been hard... But this is the best for her even though she thinks otherwise. You're a great son and I believe that you did all the best possible for her.

I also posted about my dad's recovery - all is well too.

God bless you and continue to enjoy life!

V.

Ingrid K's picture
Ingrid K
Posts: 811
Joined: Mar 2011

Tim, glad you are back, and please don't feel guilty about anything.   I am going thru the same thing with my Mom and you're right....it is the disease talking, not your Mom.  I think in time she will get more used to her new surroundings and she will do just fine.  Change is very very hard on Alz patients, but she is in the best possible place where she will be safe. 

And as long as you, Jen and the kids can visit you absolutely did the right thing for her.

You are a good man and don't you forget it !

 

katenorwood
Posts: 1827
Joined: May 2012

Tim,

Life happens...sometimes fast and furious.  I know what you meant about the woods statement and giggled to myself.  I'm glad to hear things are somewhat settled with your Mom, and it is very hard to see our loved ones hurting.  You are a good son !  And about the NED....happy dance time !  Though with my lungs it's more of the Jackson moon-walk kind for me !  Hugs sent to you and that wonderful family of yours !  Katie

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3725
Joined: Mar 2012

Glad to hear you're doing well inspite of the emotional ups and downs of taking care of your mom.  It's not an easy row to hoe, I know from experience.  I get the humor....and feel the same myself, except leave me with a warm blanket in those woods...LOL.

You don't have long to wait till the first hunting season starts.....it never hurts to have some fish in the freezer, either Laughing.

p

peggylulu's picture
peggylulu
Posts: 367
Joined: Dec 2012

 I so agree with Ingrid and everyone else on your post , you are a very good son ! For what it's worth I am sure that you made the right descision (what other choice did you have ?) I had to make the same choice with my Mother except we already lived in the same town . Sounds like you are an only child (so am I ) and that makes it even harder for you . I too believe she will settle down after a week or two . I also agree with matt , I want to come to Idaho and it's all your fault for posting all of those beautiful pictures !!!

Peggy

fishmanpa's picture
fishmanpa
Posts: 1113
Joined: Jan 2013

Nice to see you post Tim. I checked on you on FB. You of all people know that the trials and tribulations make us stronger. The way I see it, we're all superheros by now!

"T"

 

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2426
Joined: Jan 2010

tim, i'm glad u got ur mom settled in.  u r a wonderful son and u've done all the right things!  i'm sure ur mom will feel better as time passes.  plus she is close to u and ur family and that is a blessing.  take care and know that u r all n our thots and prayers.

dj

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8086
Joined: Sep 2009

Take what you need, use us when needed... We are here for that, as you know, that's what we do....

JG

tommyodavey's picture
tommyodavey
Posts: 358
Joined: Nov 2011

Yo Tim,

I too decided to pop in here to say hi.  You and I went through almost the same thing at the same time.  It's your attitude that makes me smile whenever I think of you.  Believe me, if I'm ever in your neck o' da woods we are going fishing together.  At least the thought keeps me in a positive mood.

 

Do you think you can keep the weight off?  I remember you saying that a lot of it was just not watching what you're eating.  Well I hope you have a better diet now and your heart will be a lot happier for it.

 

Sorry about your Mom.  I can sure see why she is pissed off.  Who wouldn't be?  And I like your saying.  Mine has always been "I'm saving my pills and will just be on a raft drifting out to sea"  Sounds good now but I doubt I'd ever want to lose even one day being alive.  Not after what we went through.  Life is just too precious to waste on trivial stuff.  My whole outlook on life changed for the better since the C.  Now I do stop and smell the roses.

 

Good seeing your name again.

 

Tom

jim and i's picture
jim and i
Posts: 1622
Joined: May 2011

Tim,

So happy for the NED and recovery of those buds. I know how you feel about putting your mom in Assisted living. We had to move Jim's mom 1000 miles to Florida and then into an Assisted Living. She said she was going to kill herself if we did, but eventually (didn't take long) she settled in and enjoyed all the attention she got. It was hard on Jim as well but we felt better knowing she was taken care of and safe.

Praying your mom settles in soon and you find some peace with your decision.

Debbie

cureitall66's picture
cureitall66
Posts: 862
Joined: Aug 2012

 

Congrats on another NED!

Nice to see you on here checking in with us. We missed you! I figured you were quite busy with your Mom. As hard as it must of been for you, you know it's the best thing for her. I, too, believe that once she gets used to her surroundings and she's visited by people she knows, she will do fine.

Hope you can start to get back to some more normal....Laughing.

Thanks for thinking of all of us on CSN with your prayers. Kreg is doing well. l'll send you a message with an update shortly.

Take care my friend,

~Cris

Grandmax4's picture
Grandmax4
Posts: 585
Joined: Dec 2011

Glad to know you're doing good. Your Mom will be fine, I'm sure you put her in a nice,safe home and hopefully she'll make some new friends.

longtermsurvivor's picture
longtermsurvivor
Posts: 1800
Joined: Mar 2010

The dementia is a tough go.  My father had the pschiatric and cognitive dwindles for a number of years before his death back in the spring.  His was a very angry dementia, not a graceful way to sing your swan song.  Hard on him.  Even . harder on all of us around him.  It was very difficult.  And lacked any graceful fix.  we do the best we can.

 

Pat

hwt's picture
hwt
Posts: 1931
Joined: Jun 2012

Wonderful to hear from you! We celebrated my Mom's 88th birthday this past Sunday. She has been in independent living for a couple of years but I still recall how diffficult it was for her to leave her home. Such a relief to all of her children when she moved just knowing she was in a safe place. She has made some good friends as I know your Mom will too. My Mom drove up until about a year ago and fortunate for us, she knew when it was time to quit before we had to make that call. Times when my Mom would be angry, I reminded myself that she was angry with getting older and not with me or my siblings. Today, she is much more at peace with the aging process and I hope your Mom is able to get to that point as well. Think of you often and wish you and your beautiful family the best. 

Candi

TracyLynn72's picture
TracyLynn72
Posts: 702
Joined: May 2013

I'm still a newbie here, but glad to hear how well you're doing.  Prayers for continued health and for your mom! 

CherieLW's picture
CherieLW
Posts: 425
Joined: May 2013

Tim,

Glad that you're on the up and up! Also, it's nice that you are getting your taste buds back! Hope your momma will relax soon, I know dementia can be rough.  I used to take care of a man with dementia and it was often challenging.  I still talk to him on the phone about twice a week though.  He calls to tell me he misses me and often asks the same questions ;) It's amazing the things he can remember from years ago and not remember anythng I told him the other day. lol.  Praying you continue to get well!

Cherie

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