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foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 1856
Joined: Oct 2011

Being admitted today for the Il-2. Maybe I can post during the week. (if I can get on). I'll let you know how I'm doing when I can. I'm in a kick ass mood.

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

I can't quite remember whether I've ever read an IL2 account FROM THE PATIENT throughout the actual administration! Not that I'm really surprised - mark up yet another Fox first.  Same goes for being so lucid and rational through it! 

Despite the first-class care, I'm sure you and your Family will be glad when you're back home for your break and you'll enjoy it as you always do everything - full throttle.

Remember:  ELF

GSRon's picture
GSRon
Posts: 1129
Joined: Jan 2013

Dare I say it..??  Ah Houston.. we have a malfunction....  :)

Hang in there pal..!  And make sure that you get a total sponge bath....  :)

Ron

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 1856
Joined: Oct 2011

Let me tell you that I have the utmost respect for everyone who has gone through this before me. And Nana did 6 rounds? Incredible!!!!!!!!!!

This morning I experienced diarrhea, dry heaves, Massive chills and rigors that could be recorded by a seismograph. This all happened at the same time and lasted a good  hour. Almost broke me. I have never experienced anything close to how difficult it was. My skin is so red.  I feel like a toxic dump. If anyone thought that you only get the IL-2 infusions, forget about it. Meds for fever, blood pressure control, electrolyte control, nausea, vomiting, and many more. Some IV, some oral. I can't wait to get home and take a break. The cumalative effect is awesome. Amazing to think it will only take a few days to return to normal.  God, how I wish that all I had needed was the MDX. But that wasn't the case. so we do what we need to do. I feel pretty good right now but next infusion is in another hour or two. Let the trip begin. I know that I won't be posting tonite. Nighty night.

 

don't know why this postedout of order? Probably me though. I am in donut land.

MDCinSC's picture
MDCinSC
Posts: 574
Joined: Feb 2013

I can only imagine what you're going through! 

I admire your courage, your stamina and your will to kick cancer's ass! 

I'd take a round for you if it would do any good!  Be strong, resolved, and tenacious!

Michael

cran1's picture
cran1
Posts: 126
Joined: Mar 2013

Hang in there Fox.

 

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

You are doing GREAT, the attitude is as positive and your sense of humor has actually gotten stronger.  If they told you you had to do six more rounds while swimming the back stroke and humming Yankee Doodle Dandy I've no doubt you'ld pull it off.  YOU ROCK!!!

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 1856
Joined: Oct 2011

My head finally began to clear up last night. What a brain fog. I hope to never have permanant mental illness because it sucks. Taking off to the beach for the weekend. Then readmit on monday for round 2. I am not promising any posts for awhile. I've exposed enough of my vulnerabilities. Keep this forum cranking. Remember NO negative thoughts. Keep our eyes on the prize. FLY.

 

How come this posted so out of order?

MDCinSC's picture
MDCinSC
Posts: 574
Joined: Feb 2013

Have a great trip and go back with resolve and determination to whip this!

The prize is worth the fight!

Michael

alice124's picture
alice124
Posts: 860
Joined: Mar 2012

Fox –Glad you are clear and once again in control of  your insane thoughtsSmile.  Sounds like a weekend at the beach is a great idea. It will rejuvenate all that positive juice. Good luck Monday. Remember we’re with you.

P.S. The posting dates on this thread seem to have gone haywire.  I had a hard time finding most  recent post. When you do get back to us Fox, maybe start a new thread???

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

If it was fun everyone would be doing it...hang tuff!  Maybe Alice will respond concerning Mr. Wiggles' shrinkage problemWink  I can hear those tumors screaming about the way you are treating them all the way to Michigan, music to my ears brother!  Remember "EXTREME PREJUDICE" take no prisoners...WE LUV YOU MAN!!!

Limelife50's picture
Limelife50
Posts: 409
Joined: Nov 2011

That would mean the stuff is working

cancerat46's picture
cancerat46
Posts: 35
Joined: Feb 2013

You're one tough guy Fox!! Praying for NED in your very near future! Good thoughts and prayers being sent your way!

angec's picture
angec
Posts: 615
Joined: Mar 2012

Oh boy Fox, where do i start?  Oh, um, hey,  I am going to be nice here.  First let me say that TW is correct, i don't remember anyone giving us such details and still signing on regularly before YOU!  I am so impressed by this!  You have been a major, major encouragement to me and others!  If you are scared, then heck, you are staring that right in the face and taking it on wonderfully! I will always remember this experience.  You keep on going and doing what you do!  You are amazing!

 

Now, uh, er getting to a certain red part. Cancer and shrinkage too?  NOT FAIR!   Spare us the details about when you put the lotion on will ya! :)  Love you Fox.....   Oh yeah and Fox, remember what they said on "that" Sinefield show.. water causes shrinkage so be careful not to drop the IV!  

DMike's picture
DMike
Posts: 237
Joined: Nov 2011

3 hour mark every time for feeling bad is right and yep it's gonna peel.

--David

donna_lee's picture
donna_lee
Posts: 388
Joined: Feb 2009

It sounds like with the peeling skin, you could use a few "fans."  Or is it that snakes shed their skin when they are growing into the new body.

As we all have found out thru this experience, laughter and humor help pass the time.  It's too bad that Fox started all this, and we sure as H*** want him to be there for the finish.

No matter what, there are a whole lot of us out here wishing you well and "enjoying" your live show.  When you get out, enjoy a Harley ride, more pizza and beer and all the fun stuff that goes with summer.

Keep up the good cheer.  We luv ya.

Donna

 

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

"As we all have found out thru this experience, laughter and humor help pass the time".

Sure enough Donna.  Fox has revealed a factor that has introduced an 'ell of a new hazard into peeing!!

It doesn't sound too pleasant but is not as un-ap-peeling as the fate that the papers reported befell a guy in northern Israel yesterday.  It seems that his one-eyed trouser-snake was bitten by a snake - probably not a thrill that would appeal to most of us more staid folks - I'll leave it to Alex to deliver expert comment on the issue.

Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
Posts: 1198
Joined: Jul 2012

Despite my years of selfless and tireless research, I never had experience with snake bites or peeling of this particular appendage. But I got a PhD equivalency in kissing the boo boo and making it better. And bigger.

Wedge you surprise me. I thought I was the only one with my mind in the gutter.

I recently read that the Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe. Wouldn't it just be easier to talk to a woman? 

Foxy, babe hang in there. I keep my fingers and toes crossed for you speedy recovery.

NewDay's picture
NewDay
Posts: 167
Joined: May 2012

I never thought anyone or anything could make Fox blush, but IL-2 proves me wrong.  I'm confident IL-2 will kick KC's butt.  I just wish it wouldn't try kicking yours too.

Hang in there. 

Kathy

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

But then, have you considered the possibility that the prospect of having to talk to a woman might have been the motivating force behind invention of hypnosis, chloroform and the syringe? Laughing

Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
Posts: 1198
Joined: Jul 2012

5000 men were asked to complete a survey on what they like best about oral sex. Here are the results:

 - 3% like the warmth.

 - 4% enjoyed the sensation.

-  93% appreciated the silence.

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009
What is the ultimate in courage?
two cannibals having oral sex.
MDCinSC's picture
MDCinSC
Posts: 574
Joined: Feb 2013
A woman is in a coma, and the nurse tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman’s vital signs jump a little on all of the machines and screens. So the nurse calls the husband and says ’come down to the hospital, I think i know how to get your wife out of this coma.’ so the husband hurries down, and asks the nurse what he can do.
 
The nurse says, ’ I think that oral sex will bring her out of her coma, it will arrouse her enough to bring her out of the coma.’ So the nurse closes the cuRtains, and leaves the husband with his wife in the room.
 
Moments later, the man comes running out of the room, flustered. The nurse, worried, asks him what happened. The husband says, ’I don’t know, I think she started choking.’

Embarassed

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 1856
Joined: Oct 2011

I know everyone responds differently. But I am having a very hard time right now. Mentally and emotionaly I am broken. Constant verge of tears. Too bad something doesn't hurt. I could deal with that. Haven't slept more than an hour at a time for 4 days. The rigors and dry heaves, the diarrhea, constant meds being poured into me. I've got one more scheduled infusion today. So I guess I'll make it. Can't eat, can't drink. I want to go home. Thanks for all your posts and support. It means so much. Alexandra, you dirty little girl. I love you. I hope you are doing well. Thanx for crossing over. Keep up with the jokes until my sense of humor returns. Then I'll catch up. There must be something funny going on here. Hands are swollen and peeling. What an incredible experience. And I get to repeat it in a couple weeks. Don't know how I can do it. But with everyones support, I'll do it. Beyond my imagination that it would be this hard. and I'm not talking about Mr. Red Wiggly.

angec's picture
angec
Posts: 615
Joined: Mar 2012

Fox, my little Fox!  Poor baby! I am in tears to hear the terrible situation you are enduring. I pray that this is all so worth it and once you are done you are DONE with it all!  Life can change so much in an instant!  I wonder if one more infusion is doable at this point, but by now you may already have done it.  Please know there are so many of us in your corner and supporting you. But looking at a positive outcome and know this experience compared to the cure will be considered a piece of cake!  Everyone loves fox!  

 

This is a little funny for you.. but it speaks about the other end!  Enjoy!

Two guys are in a locker room after their racquetball game when one guy notices a cork in the others buttocks !!! 

" If you don't mind me saying so." said the second. "that cork looks terribly uncomfortable. 

Why don't you take it out ?" 

" I cant," lamented the first guy. "It's permanent." 
"I don't understand ." said the other. 

The first guy says. " I was walking along the beach and I tripped over 
this oil lamp. 

There was a huge puff of smoke and then a huge man in a turban came oozing out." He said," I am Hasan the Genie. I can grant you one wish." And I said, " No Sheet."

 

 

 

 

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

A manstaggers into a hospital with concussion, Multiple bruises, two black eyes and a 5 iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

The doctor asked "What happened to you?"

"Well I was playing golf with my wife when we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cows. I found one stuck in a cow's fanny, I yelled to my wife 'this looks like yours', I don't remember much after that ..."

 

 

 

 

Baaa-bs's picture
Baaa-bs
Posts: 50
Joined: Jun 2013

I can't tell you how I admire your courage and wit. 

When I asked my oncologist about IL-2, she told me I couldn't do it. Was it because I don't qualify or was it she thought that I couldn't handle it? Guess I'll never know, at least not now.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, you have so many cheerleaders cheering you on! 

Since today is Friday and I can have a drink tonight, I will raise my glass to you! Here's to you Fox!

alice124's picture
alice124
Posts: 860
Joined: Mar 2012

Fox,

I’ve been reading but have held off posting until now because I don’t have any good memories of John's IL2 treatment,  and I can’t conjure up any funny stories when revisiting those memories.  I can honestly say that everytime I read of you or Nana or David or toolman or Phoenix, etc. starting this treatment, I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. But on the flip side, I visited my optometrist on Wednesday, and his father had received IL-2 thirty years ago and it was a success.  (I had no idea it had been around that long!) So the stuff can  work!

But I will say the emotional and mental strain you’re experiencing was the norm for John too.         And the pruritis—which was probably the single worst side effect (though there were many)—probably stayed around for a month.  It made him miserable, emotionally vulnerable, and made sleep almost impossible.  Or—to say it another way--It drove him insane.  So make sure you do not leave the hospital without the drugs  to get you through the layoff. John’s layoff (which was supposed to be two weeks) was extended to three weeks because of the intense side effects.  I often wished while going through this with him that they had administered the IL2 after initiating an induced coma.

In the meantime, stay strong, focus positive, and know  we are all in the background screaming for  it to be an enormous success. Keep that sense of humor. It will keep you going when nothing else works. Plus I’m sure the nurses love you for it!

ELF

 

MDCinSC's picture
MDCinSC
Posts: 574
Joined: Feb 2013

You are stronger than this!  Hang tough, but not too tough on  Mr. Wiggly!

 

In that vein:

Q: Whats the difference between Purple and Pink?

A:  Your grip!

Tongue Out

Be tough!  Take no prisoners!

MDCinSC's picture
MDCinSC
Posts: 574
Joined: Feb 2013

A woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you
back in so early? What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee", she said.

"Where", he asked.

"Between the first and second hole", she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

That one's worthy of Gary, Michael, and you know what high praise that is!

Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
Posts: 1198
Joined: Jul 2012

Foxy you are a very special, strong and beautiful person. And no amount of peeling, diarrhea and rigors can change that. What you've endured this week sounds beyond terrible. I wish I could do something to make it easier. A virtual French kiss?

There is no doubt in my mind that you will get through this treatment with grace, courage and sense of humor intact.

No one called me a "dirty little girl" in 40 years. You made my day. I refuse to grow up. Speaking of little girls...

"I'm a 14-year-old girl looking for a 45 to 65-year-old daddy for online webcam fun.

Email me: operationlolita@nypd.undercover.org"

Darron's picture
Darron
Posts: 218
Joined: Jun 2013

That is definitely not a tongue that is on sutent.

Hope you are done and starting your rest Fox.

Prayers of peace and healing are wih you.

dhs1963's picture
dhs1963
Posts: 359
Joined: May 2012

the 14 YO girl looking for a middle aged man for only fun is a cop, note the email address.  I point this out because, well, we know that IL2 can have cognitive side effects.  And imagine the peeling skin in handcuffs.  What is worse than IL2?  IL2 in jail. 

pinkstar's picture
pinkstar
Posts: 53
Joined: Mar 2013

Fox,

 

One thing I do know, is you are strong & you are amazing. If anyone can beat this, I know you can. I have faith in you!! 

 

Donna

cancerat46's picture
cancerat46
Posts: 35
Joined: Feb 2013

Fox, you were the very first responder to me on this board. As I sat in my living room reading your response I cried because I truly felt like someone actually understood and could relate to what I was going through finally. Though most of us have not been through what you are going through right now, and will face again soon, know that we are here for you and love and admire you! You are a rock, but if you need to crumble for just a bit you go right ahead. We're all here to help you for a change! Prayers are with you!!

Bellweather
Posts: 44
Joined: Jun 2013

Fox, I can only imagine the termoil you are experiencing at this time and my prayers and thoughts are with you all of the time. One more, then its time for some well earned rest and recovery. I will will take your place in the Fox hole next monday and continue the battle. Thank you for sharing your personal journey with HD IL 2. It has inspiring and downright frightening . I am scared as **** in anticipation of next week, yet eager tonget on with the process. My little willie has retreated into his own little fox hole in preperation for his battle. I may have the house nurse convince him to come out for a pep talk a few times before the battle.
Be safe and take care of yourself. This too shall pass.

Bellweather
Posts: 44
Joined: Jun 2013

Fox, my thoughts and prayers are with you continually for a speedy recovery!

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

A plea:

Some of our other heroes have set impressive bench-marks on HD IL2.  They've also made it sound less daunting for those who have it lying ahead, or hoping for it, may have feared.  To the contrary you, our poster-boy, haven't been sugar-coating it.  You've walked straight out there, into the floodlights, naked to the gaze of all your fascinated, devoted friends. 

You've privileged us with a real-time, cogent, as you're finding it, blow-by-blow account.  You expected to cruise through it and demonstrate how a tough guy handles it, which you're succeeding in doing.  Nonetheless, you've come to find it harder than you anticipated and it's taking a lot out of you.

So, my plea is that you're kinder to yourself from here on.  (Are we to make it a 4-ball on Tuesday, by the way?)

Cut yourself some slack - don't feel you have to report everything to us all the way through.  At a time when others are completely out of it, wiped out, shaking, freezing, often hallucinating, you've managed to give us lucid, informative descriptions of what you're going through.  Although it's fascinating for us and mighty impressive, don't do it if it's costing you too much.  Rather, concentrate on what's best for you, go with the flow instead of fight it all the time IF that would be better for you. 

We're all praying for the finest possible outcome - both for you and for everyone inspired by you.  So please don't do anything that could curtail the best possible results from this therapy - we want to see you as a complete and durable responder, so do shoot for that and forget the narrative if it might compromise achieving that goal. 

Trusting that you have a less gruelling close to your first round and a relaxing and happy family break from it, your buddy, Tex.

 

dhs1963's picture
dhs1963
Posts: 359
Joined: May 2012

For those of us that have not experienced it, but might have to go through it in the future, this is useful.  I have had the Dr's tell me it is hard, and that whack-a-mole should be used as long as possible.

Thank you for sharing the experience.  Our brains have a way of filtering out the hard stuff.  Whether it be IL2, the day after nephrectomy (a blur for me), or child birth.

But, the real time reporting is enlightining.

 

Thank you, and take care of yourself.  You are our hero.

NewDay's picture
NewDay
Posts: 167
Joined: May 2012

Tex & Fox,

You are both stalwart members here and we all lean on you both a lot for advice and encouragement.  I hate that you are both going through a rough patch, but know better days lie ahead.  Give youselves a break and rest.  I know that those of us who believe are praying for you and everyone else is sending positive thoughts your way.

Take care,

Kathy

MDCinSC's picture
MDCinSC
Posts: 574
Joined: Feb 2013

I couldn't agree more!  You guys do yeoman service here and though its not said nearly often enough,  you are cared for and appreciated.

Thank you for what you do here, both of you!

BDS's picture
BDS
Posts: 90
Joined: Aug 2012

Fox, Thanks you for sharing the experience. I hope you had nice and peaceful and restful weekend recovering for your treatment. Take care of yourself. - BDS

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 1856
Joined: Oct 2011

WOW!!!!!!!!! Didn't see that coming!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna have to read back to bring myself up to date. This is the first interaction I've had with anyone but my family since discharge sat. 7/20. (I could not even start my computer. I needed absolute personnal time.) All I can say up front is that was the most difficult thing I've ever gone through. Those who have done it with minimal side effects, God Bless you. Anyone who flirts with a psychosis, I give my complete appreciation of the world you must live in. I am learning alot in reterospect. If anything I post here is inconsistant with earlier posts, it's because I didn't read back and I'm speaking from my current state of mental health.

I think I was fairly well prepared for the physical stress. In fact my vitals remained so stable, it was impressive. Drops in BP,and other cardiac indicators is often the reason for termination of the sessions. I was expected to make the distance. I'm always convinced I can handle anything and recover. Here is where my marathon training and health care experience were great advantages. Just like always, I heard alot of, "Gee, you don't look sick." I hung around in street clothes.

Each infusion compounded the previous one. Rigors set in 3 hours after dose. A shot of demerol took care of most of that along with the chills. Perhaps 6 hours later, things seemed to become pretty stable. The vomiting( in my case violent dry heaves are managed with a couple drugs including ativan.) I was reluctant to use the ativan as I am most familiar with it being used for anxiety and I didn't see anxiety as a problem. Diarrhea followed. Eating is pretty much out of the question. Sleep deprevation is a real problem. Vitals and drugs q2hrs leave little time for rest.

Now here is where it got strange. Somewhere around numbers 3-4 I began to visit the world of psychosis. Sort of like the definition of pornography. You know it when you see it. I stayed alert and oriented. Able to actively converse with caregivers. Things like a towel draped over a chair took on the appearance of a tiger laying in a tree. Kinda like the way I dream anyway. Maybe the lack of deep sleep played a big role. But OK, I've got his under control. Add the water retention from 24/7 IV and the constant introduction of both oral and IV drugs, and try to wonder why people get so disoriented.

On the morning of my scheduled 7th infusion, I sat in my bed waiting for my doctor. When she came in, I surprised her. I was reduced to being a sniffling, broken man. Told her I could not do one more. Based on my vitals, I was ready to go. Emotionally I was spent. She said she would stop by in a few hours and we could discuss it more. So I worked up the strength. Just one more. I can dig in and do it. So she comes back and I tell her, let's do it. She says that we really can stop now if necessary. I immediately said OK. What a relief. All the time knowing that I need to hang in to safe my life and to quit would be a big sign of weakness. Also knowing that if this treatment was to work, 6 may have been enough. So I based my decision on believing that if I did one more, the better the hopes. But if I did one more, I may not be able to return for the second round. Not doing one more gave mean extra day off. Bettering the odds of my coming back. No regrets .Glad I stopped. Ok, prepare to go home.

Again, I express my deepest sympathy for those living with true mental health issues. Alert and oriented.Sleep deprieved. Gut sore from vomiting. General weakness. Bright red skin. Fluid overload. My face felt like I was abandoned on a raft with advanced painful sunburn then having my face being pushed into the rough gritty sand just for torture. Hands blistering and beginning to peel. In large pieces. Legs swollen. Right leg very large with knee so swollen that I lost 90% of my range of motion. Pain and mobility as if I just underwent a reconstruction. Very difficult weight bearing, ambulation and bed transfers. Unable to eat or sleep. Just get me home. That nights sleep was terrible. Maybe going over the edge. But holding it together. So sick, so stressed. So "never have been done before" Now you know why I could no longer participate with others. Come on man. Get it together.

So here I am. I've done some walking. Talking my meds including lasix and ativan. Percocet for good measure. Face 90% better. Palms sore and peeling. Scalp peeling. Knee recovering nicely. Ready to talk. I will tell you that I am not going to discuss any of this to  other friends and concerned well wishers. I have an appreciation for our serice men and others who have to deal with post traumatic stress disorder. Not an enjoyable experience.

I still made jokes. Waiting for the Dr. to complete the d/c, I told the 30ish yo RN, "You just missed Mick Jagger. He came in to see me, took one look at my face and asked me if I could sit in for Keith Richards that night." She said, He'll know what you are talking about?" Oblivious. I guess I'm getting old. By that time my face was all scabbed and flaking. Looked like I fell asleep in a bowl of oatmeal.

What I have learned. Like anything, we each respond differently. This was not easy for me. I would feel for a returning combat soldier under going this. The mental health side is by far the most difficult. I'll explain more about this shortly. I will take my demerol and ativan as often as I can. This offers the greatest stability. The amount of Iv and oral medications is enough to make you crazy. I gained around 10 pounds. Bless you monthly women. No wonder men think you are all insane. I only made 6 infusions and for this next trip, 6 is the goal. If I have to quit at 4, then do it. Same goes for follow up sessions. If it is going to help me, then that will be plenty. No guilt or beeing an underacheiver here. So sad for those who handle the entire process with non effective results.  I believe that my having had my ass kicked mentally and physically on the outside it is doing the same on the inside. No doubts have crept in.

I would like others input on this observation. Does anyone have a bad memory from the time you almost hurt your leg? Of course not. But should you have suffered injuries as a result of some sort of accident, there becomes a strong emotional memory associated with the trauma. Trigger the injury and relive the stress. It has to be very connected. Those pathways have to be present. I'm sure regression therapy deals with this somehow. Anyway, This chemotherapy is very stressful. Feelings, bad memories, injuries buried deep into the subconcious pour right out to the surface. For me the rigors reproduced the feelings of child abuse I dealt with from an alcoholic marine father post WW2. Surpressed but present. It made me who I am. I was not abused to tears. I was abused to rigors. Frequently. How did he derive pleasure from that, I'll never know. But the associations for people have to vary considerably. What if life was growing up as daddy's princess? Or having lived through a fatal MVA? I am thinking about this alot. Interesting.

Anyway, I see the doc tomorrow. Tentative plan for readmission on the 29th. I will be better prepared. Sorry I was no rock as many expected. Donna, kick me in the ass. I feel as optimistic as always and this is because something is being accomplished. Any cancer left in me will be on it's last legs. Again, Thank you all. Being able to share our experiences together is so valuable. Remember FLY. Fox loves you.

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

You are right about that, rocks can be crushed and beaten into sand by the elements, not so with you.  I cannot fathom going through all that you have and being able to provide a blow by blow for others along the way, it does not seem possible yet there it is.  FLY is so much more than just an expression. Your spirit is overpowering, incredibly I've felt joy as I've read and reread your saga. I have no doubt it will be worth it in the end. I've said before, I wish we had never met (under these circumstances), but I am so much richer for the experience. Get some much deserved rest my friend, and know that we love you too!!!

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

I'd formulated what I felt and was about to start writing it.  Then Gary's message came in, using different words from those I intended but what he's said is so close in sentiment that it'll go for me too.

dhs1963's picture
dhs1963
Posts: 359
Joined: May 2012

Fox,

thank you for humanizing the experience.  We read about it, but not how it feels.  On the memory thing, it is really hard to admit some of these issues.  I know, for example, a certain perfume triggers flashbacks to childhood abuse.  Kind of bad when you pick up a girl on a date, and then want to puke.  Or hearing a southern accent, and thinking I am going to get beat up again (Jew, 1975 and Panhandle of FL was a bad combination)...  We all have our internal demons.  Most of us hide the demons, never admitting them.  I did not realize IL2 could bring those to the surface.  Thank you for sharing this with us.  This is the most important thread I have seen on CSN. 

Take care of yourself, and again stank you for writing....

 

David

 

Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
Posts: 1198
Joined: Jul 2012

You made it through round 1. You're healing. You feel well enough to write blow-by-blow. You're cracking jokes. Cancer is running scared.

I will even let the "insane monthly women" comment slide, 'cause I love you. Kiss

 

MDCinSC's picture
MDCinSC
Posts: 574
Joined: Feb 2013

Silk comes to mind. Silk is resilient. It has texture, it has body, it can stretch without breaking, and it is treasured for all of its attributes.  It is strong and withstands incredible pressure, yet yields to hacks and slashes, rolling with the potential abuse. Like Fox, it has a beauty.  The beauty of silk is in its appearance. The beauty in Fox is in his soul and his commitment to his RCC family, providing brief glimpses into his own personal hell, preparing any who would follow for the rigors of the journey he is making.

My first contact with you through this group, I found you to be a curmudgeon, a tenacious fighter, and a pragmatic soul determined to take every moment life has to offer and live it to the fullest.  I had no idea how tenacious you were.

I cannot envision the depths to which you have been driven during this and yet you return again and again, bringing news and hope, in the face of the chamber of horrors this has been.

I stand in awe Mr. Fox!  Whatever courage I can offer is yours so you can finish this battle and emerge as the champ we all know you are!

Michael

Texas_wedge's picture
Texas_wedge
Posts: 2807
Joined: Nov 2011

[A bit carried away there, Michael? - silk "rolling with the potential abuse"!]

Fox is a ground-breaker, so what he's made of is not rock, or silk either, but  GRAPHENE  - that wonder material of the new epoch - far stronger and more conductive than anything else yet known and which will transform the worlds of science, technology, medicine, engineering .... and, with that, our very lives.

 

MDCinSC's picture
MDCinSC
Posts: 574
Joined: Feb 2013

I wax poetic once in a while! Embarassed  Florid actually!

A hazard of the degree!

 

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