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Life (and death) go on

Rocquie's picture
Rocquie
Posts: 516
Joined: Mar 2013

I've been absent from the forum for a bit. Things haven't been easy for me lately. I got a call from my husband to tell me that his Mother, my beloved mother-in-law had just died. I dropped everything and went to him. While she was still there, dead, on the bed, my brother called to tell me my father had just been admitted to hospice care and only has an expected couple of weeks to live. Meanwhile, I had surgery scheduled for the following day to have a cyst removed from my neck (was not lymphoma).  I went to my mother-in-law's funeral high as a kite from pain pills. A couple of days later, I took a 6-hour car drive, alone, through Atlanta traffic, sans pain pills, to be with my family. I stayed for a week and came home.

I didn't think I was up for all this right now, but I did it. It was only 2 months ago that I went to the grocery store by myself! I have an appointment tomorrow to have my neck staples removed. I have an appointment next week for my 2nd Rituxan maintenance and I can't decide what to do about that. I have considered re-scheduling it, but since only God knows when my Dad will pass over, I suppose I will just wait and see. I will be making another trip home some time soon.

Needless to say, I am exhausted! I hope everyone is doing well and getting the support they need.

Much love,

Rocquie

 

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3173
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Rocquie,

 Oh my goodness that is so much to deal with! I'm so sorry about your dear mother-in-laws passing. It's amazing what we can force ourselves to do when sudden events happen that are out of our control. I'm so sorry your father is in hospice care and not expected to live. My heartfelt prayers and best wishes are with you. We are making a life changing move in our life right now and I've had a series of melt downs over the last few weeks. As of tomorrow evening I will be off-line until we get moved in on the river. The cable company will be at our new address on Saturday July 6th to re-connect our service, so as soon as that is done I will check back in with the group. In the meantime, (as hard as it is to do), I hope you can stay as peaceful as possible during this very stressful time in your life. Once again, I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you.....Love....Sue

(FNHL-stg3-grd2-typA-Dx 6/10-age 62)

In remission as of April 2013

Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3's picture
Max Former Hodg...
Posts: 1199
Joined: May 2012

Geeezee !  Rocquie, your post is one of those "memorable" ones; some just seem to scream out, "Enough!"

An aunt of mine, five years ago, lost her husband (to leukemia), her father, and four other close relatives, all in six months. It can be gotten through.  She had the advantage of not being sick herself.

I went out of a car window 25 years ago, and the vehicle then rolled over me, caving in my chest cavity (right side), and nearly tearing off my left leg. I was blind the night of the accident, but could see the next morning.  I was in ICU 25 days, then acute care, therapy, etc.  I was so weak in acute care that if my head fell off the pillow, I could not move, and had to wait for a nurse to make rounds. Earlier, in ICU, many times I felt paralized, and could not move anything at all (but my eyes), and since I was on a ventilator, could not speak either, which was horrifying, to say the least. 

I thought many times, "I can never be normal, never be well. You cannot get to 'well'  from where I am now !"  Two years later, I could walk fairly normally, and speak normally as well (low oxygen for a long period of time, and a weak chest left me unable to speak more than a few words for many months.)

Then, four years ago, the HL.

It is all doable. You can get there from where you are.

max

girliefighter's picture
girliefighter
Posts: 217
Joined: Mar 2013

Sending you strength and Love

XXXOOO

Carie

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3173
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Rocquie,

 Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and your father...keeping you both in my prayers. God Bless...Love, Sue

(FNHL-2-3A-6/10-age 62)

illead's picture
illead
Posts: 562
Joined: Aug 2012
I meant to write this sooner.  I am so sorry for everything you are going through.  I wish I had some words of wisdom but sometimes there are not a lot.  A couple of weeks ago when Bill had his rituxan infusion, I was in the bathroom.  Someone came in the stall next to me.  We both came out at the same time.  It was my best friend from high school (46 yrs. ago).  We knew that her husband has pancreatic cancer and saw them often at the cancer center.  His was operable however and they thought they may have gotten it.  She just looked at me and said "we just saw his doctor and the cancer is back and there is nothing more they can do".  All I could do was hold her while she cried.  It was horrible to have just gotten great news about Bill and then feel like I should apologize.  I know you have dear ones to hold you, I hope that is a comfort. Thinking of you, Becky
Rocquie's picture
Rocquie
Posts: 516
Joined: Mar 2013

My Dad died Friday morning, July 5, at home. I went to Alabama again, only this time, my husband went too. My Father was a well-loved man with many, many friends. All his grandchildren and great-grandchildren were able to make the trip for his funeral. His service was magnificent with a packed church. It was quite a tribute to the man he was. I am very lucky to have called him, "Daddy".

We got home late afternoon yesterday. We unpacked and left a mound of laundry to address. I made an omelet for dinner, we took showers, and slept in our own bed. I slept hardfor 10 hours!

Tomorrow, I go for my 2nd Rituxan maintenance.

Thank you, Sue, Max, Carie, and Becky for your kind sentiments. I appreciate it. Do you ever feel like life pours warm, sticky syrup over you and weighs you down?

Working my way back to "normal",

Rocquie

 

illead's picture
illead
Posts: 562
Joined: Aug 2012

I'm so sorry.  Your father must have been a special man.  You are fortunate to have had a loving father.  I am sure that has and will continue to give you strength.  Your memories will also put a smile on your face and help erase the tears.  How good that you could be with so many who loved him.  Your syrup analogy was near perfect.  Yes, I have been there and will be again I am sure, but at least we know it does melt away.   Not so fun that you have to go tomorrow.  Hopefully you will sleep through most of it and not have to think too much.

 My thoughts are with you, Becky

Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3's picture
Max Former Hodg...
Posts: 1199
Joined: May 2012

Roc,

In the 80's, Bon Jovi had a hit titled, Pour Some Sugar on Me, but the context was wholly different...

Hope you recover rapidly.  Bless your father's soul.

max

jimwins's picture
jimwins
Posts: 2079
Joined: Aug 2011

I'm sorry for your recent losses and I know what you mean about the "syrup".  I hope you guys feel better soon andknow that we are here for you.  

Big hugs - Jim

allmost60's picture
allmost60
Posts: 3173
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Rocquie,

  I'm so sorry about your father. It sounds like he had a beautiful service and will be missed by many. My prayers are with you during this sad time. I hope your R treatment goes well tomorrow and your days ahead will be more peaceful. Oh yes...I've experienced my share of "heavy syrup" days, and they are not fun! Hang in there dear. Much love...Sue

(FNHL-stg3-grd2-typA-Dx 6/10-age 62) In remission.

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