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Unexpected Emotions

grannabeth
Posts: 93
Joined: Apr 2013

Today while sitting at my desk at work, all of a sudden my eyes filled with tears and started running down my cheeks. I felt sad, but I really don't know why.  For the last five months, since I first found out that I have breast cancer--I have just plunged in and tired to just focus on what was ahead me, the decisions to be made, geting through the surgery, and now just four days short of finishing my rads, I fall apart? Why now when I'm almost done? 

I am usually not a weepy type, I don't cry often, especially not at work!! I just don't know what started the whole thing.  Anyone else ever have this happen?

Ritzy's picture
Ritzy
Posts: 4384
Joined: Aug 2009

I have!  I bet almost, if not all, of us have.  Our emotions are on this sort of roller coaster.  One day we are going up and everything is going well and the next minute, we are going down, falling and can't explain why we are so sad.  It's a ride we don't want to be on, but somehow, we got forced to. 

I think the best explanation is one word...cancer!  Being diagnosed, having the surgery's, radiation, chemo, hormonal therapy and the endless tests and scares is enough to drive any normal, sane person bonkers.  That's why I have always felt that pink sisters are some of the strongest people on this earth!

You said you are almost done with rads, so, maybe with your treatment coming to an end, you are getting scared?  Scared as to what is next?  Many of us felt that way.  I know when I got done being zapped by rads, it was like ok, now what?  What will happen to me?  Who is going to keep a watchful eye on me?  I am not seeing my rads onco every day, will something be missed.  But the good news is, you get past that, or, I did.  Once you get further out from treatment and really start to live your life fully again.

And, we try to hide a lot from our families and friends.  We hide how scared we are or how bad we feel.  Sometimes, we can't hide it..it just comes out.

You cry, rant, rave, whatever.  We understand and we've been there.

Big hugs,

Sue :)

 

coco2008's picture
coco2008
Posts: 406
Joined: May 2013

If you have gotten through diagnosis, surgery, and into radiation, not to mention all the waiting and haven't gone into a melt down until now, you are one STRONG LADY.  But you are not made of steel.  Give yourself a break.  If you don't allow your feelings to vent you could get through all this and find you have an ulcer or heart problems.

If you need to vent, we are here. If you need to cry, do it.  If someone doesn't like it, let them walk a mile in your mocs.

This is not an easy adventure.  You must be caring and loving of yourself.  YOU ARE WORTH IT.

God be with you. I'm sending you many hugs so take one whenever you need it.

Sandy

grannabeth
Posts: 93
Joined: Apr 2013

Coco2008, thanks for sending the hugs. I'll pull them out next time I need one. And thanks for responding with your words of encouragement.

Beth

Kylez's picture
Kylez
Posts: 3765
Joined: May 2009

So, there's not much more I can add except to allow yourself to have these feelings.  Allow yourself to cry.  Allow yourself to feel down or to even pity yourself at times. 

You've earned those rights!

Hugs, Kylez

grannabeth
Posts: 93
Joined: Apr 2013

Ritzy (Sue):  Exactly, I think you have hit the nail on the head for me.  I guess I didn't realize I was getting scared that the rads were coming to and end. You'd think I would be really looking forward to it (now don't get me wrong I will be glad when I'm done) but and now what is next?  Who is going to keep an eye on me and my cancer? Who's going to follow up?  Thanks so much for making it so clear to me, but I think now that you actually put in black and white for me, that this is excactly what came boiling to the surface today.  And I have hid a lot my fears from my friends and family about how I've felt about what I've been going through. 

Thank you so much.  I now know why this site is such a God-send to all of us pink sisters.  It's a place to voice what is going on with us and voice things we might not tell to those close to us for fear of how we'll be viewed perhaps. 

 

 

lynn1950's picture
lynn1950
Posts: 2573
Joined: Jun 2008

I pushed through surgery and chemo and round about the end of rads, lightning struck!  Take care of yourself and be good to yourself.  You have just been through an ordeal.  If you need help with how you are feeling don't be afraid to ask for it.  I am sending you mucho xoxoxoxoxo.  Lynn

grannabeth
Posts: 93
Joined: Apr 2013

Thank you, it was, as you said, like a lighting bolt struck this morning.

 

Kobias
Posts: 115
Joined: Jun 2013

I am in rads and the thought of ending them scares me too, as, I don't know what my next step will be.  I suppose some hormone therapy, tamoxifen.  I wasn't suppose to take it during rads, so, I know it is in my treatment plan.  I understand your feelings.  I've cried over taking radiation.  It scares me to have the treatments, but, it scares me more to not.  I want to kill the cancer and rads will do that. 

Everyone understands your feelings and emotions.  Cry all you want if it makes you feel better.  None of us are alone in this fight.

Hugs, Kathy

Lynne P
Posts: 165
Joined: May 2013

Those lightening bolts can strike any of us at anytime.  I understand totally what happened to you.  Hoping you have fewer of them and hopefully none eventually.

Hugs, Lynne

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5504
Joined: Oct 2010

I am one to use my car (alone time) to cry and sob! I am 5 yrs out since diagnosis but in past I found (at the time seemed goofy) writing in a jouranl was helpful. I kept it in my car-on my lunch or before going into work I would jot things down.

 

I"ll be thinking of you and check back in soon.

 

Denise

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