May 29, 2013 - 4:21 pm
Hi thanks for this wonderful resource. My boyfriend of 5 years, 53 years old, was diagnosed with "throat cancer", perhaps stage 1/2 in the past month. Stage 1 for size of tumor at base of tongue, potentially stage 2 because a few lymph nodes lit up on PET Scan. He is not forthcoming with any more details and previously stated he prefers privacy. He had initial surgery 9 days ago and best I can tell had a selective neck dissection (57 stitches, lateral scar from ear to ear on neck), almost 10 hour surgery. Tracheotomy already removed, feeding tube in nose. Discharged from hospital day 6, off pain meds except to sleep. He has his dr appt tomorrow to get details of surgery, status and treatment plan. He is "low-information" versus me who is "hi-information". I know he is scared but won't admit, and wants "to protect me" which he thinks he is doing by pushing me away. Of course that is more hurtful to me than knowing and holding his hand.
Does anyone have any suggestions to help him realize those that care about him genuinely want to be there for him? How can I be supportive if I am pushed away? This dynamic is unnecessary stress to an already bum situation. Any resources I can tap into to help him and I cope? Thank you!