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More on my dad and questions

Posts: 28
Joined: Aug 2012

A quick recap on my dad. He went  through 35 rads with 5 weeks of chemo last year which he finished around December, he had a stent put in, that helped him some since he was unable to eat or drink, then had to have that taken out and had weekly throat stretches , went for consol in January to see surgeon who ordered another pet, previous one thought to be scar tissue on lung and liver (at least that's what my dad told me) he didn't want to worry us. Well, pet showed it had spread to lungs and liver so no surgery.

My dad was doing "OK" some pain but eating and drinking with out to much trouble, although his voice started sounding worse than it had, usually that would come and go, (hoarseness) but this is now permanent I think. He had to stop the weekly stretches on throat for fear of rupturing it. Roberta, dads wife, said the X-ray on throat looked different this time like the cancer was worse in that area than before. He also started having lots of pain around stimach, liver area. Dr. Decided to try a different stronger chemo(can't remember the namewe suppose to do once a week 8x's. by his second one it kicked his butt and started having severe diarrhea and couldn't drink anything this went on for a week,'I urged Roberta to take him to the ER that he would need an IV and that he was probably dehydrated she did 2 days later, this was last week. He had to have a blood transfusion for low white cells ?? That was wednesday, yesterday he had another blood transfusion for platelets, they can't seem to get his white cells up and his diarrhea is still just as bad nothing they give him helps he does not want to eat, says his stomach shrunk and just not hungry, he is very weak and sleeps alot. 

he says he does not want to continue isn't more chemo, I think the dr agree. I fully support his decision, I love my dad so much and it hurts to know he is suffering so much, the selfish part of me wants him to continue but I know this cant or shouldn't be. My sister passed away at the end of January we are all still grieving, I'm sure my dad wanted to try what ever he could because of the timing of everything, but his body is too weak to go on. Originally we were told he would be home by Saturday now they are saying maybe another week. I live 6 hours from him, husband just had surgey for a brain tumor then back in hospital for a blood clot. I can't leave my husband as he has to be driven for blood test every day from his shots and coumadin. I desperately want to be near my dad and hug him so bad, when I told him in the phone last night how much loved him he said "I know you do" he said you don't have to prove it to me. Meaning I don't have to come right now. Ok, so I know you can't give me a time frame and I know everyone is different I know all this. But having gone through blood transfusions and at the point where he is, and at this point I don't think there is any mention of hospice, do you think time is of the essence now and should by make plans to be there as soon as possible?

sorry for such a long post, I have posted here a couple times but can't seem to find them.

love and hugs to all of you!


Posts: 28
Joined: Aug 2012

I was hoping someone could answer my question. maybe because of the weekend it's running slower?

Posts: 645
Joined: Apr 2012

I am sorry to hear about your father and your husband and I am sure your father understands why you can't be there at this point in time.  No one can really answer your question about how long.  Only the man upstairs knows that question.  That is something my husband and I are dealing with you.  First he had laryngeal cancer with 35 radiation and 3 chemo, then a complete laryngectomy, partial neck dissection and throat reconstruction due to the radiation.  Then in April of 2012 he was found to have cancer at the cervical of his esophagus which is a rare spot.  Surgery was out due to several things.  He underwent another 35 radiation and 7 chemo for which we thought and a PET/CT and endoscope showed he was NED.  Then in January the cancer was back at the cervical of his esophagus and the tumor was much larger and went thru down, plus it had spread to his right lung.  Surgery and radiation are not options.  Only option was chemo and we were told it wouldn't cure only prolong and could possibly hasten his time.  My husband elected no more treatments.  He is 76 and prior to all of this starting in July 2010 his health was good and we will be married 51 years in August and together for 2 years before that so all of this is very hard. 

I have read so many on this forum and others where chemo at this stage only made them sicker.  Right now my husband is doing okay.  More pain but controlled with pain medication  and lower energy level.  He still works in the yard and goes to Lowe's and Home Depot (before taking any pain medication) by himself.  We don't know how long and his doctors said they wouldn't say since everyone is different.  But I can see the changes.

If your father's doctor thinks it is time for hospice, they will have to put an order in.  Not the family.  Hospice is great and one of our doctors talked about calling them, but at this point in time, we are not ready for them and our primary doctor agrees.  This, of course, is our decision and when the time comes, we will call them.  Just remember whatever your father decides, it is his decision.  Our sons also agree with their Dad as I do.  You have to decide if quantity vs quality is what is best and that is what my husband did.

Wishing you the best -- Sharon


Posts: 28
Joined: Aug 2012

Thank you for responding. I'm sorry about your husband I hope you have your anniversary with him in August. My dad said before he started this last chemo that he would be happy to make it to his 80th bd (November) I'm also hoping for that we have a big celebration planned for him. the phone call go got today was that he sleeps 15 or more hours a day and it shows he has just a tiny bit of white cells also was told his whole body is puffy and that red is still showing in his urine ( not blood) but thought the chemo would be out of his body it has been 10 days and on IV fluids. Thinking this does not sound good. Wishing the best for you as well.


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