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I'm so glad we're here for each other

jcruz
Posts: 206
Joined: Jan 2013

Hi everyone

I just wanted to thank you all for being here and taking care of each other.  I came home after a very blue day and logged on just to be here and check in on topics and hear the voices I have become familiar with over the months I've been here.  I had such a difficult emotional day.  It's the end of my first month back at work and it's been so hard to get used to being back, being around people, relearning my job.  I'm exhausted and in some kind of pain every day.  I cried talking with my chiropractor today about my mental and physical state and what I can do for myself.  When I got home I just felt I needed to be here and I really do feel better after reading new posts and seeing how we are here for each other.  So - thank you all!  When my cancer journey began I would not have believed that I could find a community and comfort here.  I believe now.

Marynb
Posts: 1134
Joined: Aug 2012

Sorry you are feeling down. It sure is overwhelming, isn't it? I hope you are able to ease back in at work. I made the mistake of taking on too much too soon. Your mind is so willing to move forward, but your body has been at war and can only do so much! I hope you can take a long weekend? Have someone make you a nice nutritious meal? Take care of yourself. I agree that this is a good group for support. We have all been there and we know how tough it is. Hang in there! Sending you big hugs and well wishes!

RoseC's picture
RoseC
Posts: 501
Joined: Jun 2011

Things will get better. I'm glad we're all here for each other too. I don't post that often any more but still check in every day to see how everyone's doing. This board has been a blessing for me and many others. Wishing you all the best, and a better day tomorrow.

mp327's picture
mp327
Posts: 2820
Joined: Jan 2010

I'm very sorry you had one of those days when you felt emotionally overwhelmed.  I think we've all had them and that's why this site is so important.  As we all learn, the emotional side of dealing with cancer and trying to get back to a normal life after treatment isn't as easy as just doing it.  I remember making my first trip to the grocery store by myself after treatment and how nervous, anxious and overwhelmed I was.  To this day, I have lots of days when I just don't want to be around anyone.  Other days, I can't wait to be out and about and spend time with my friends.  It's definitely a rollercoaster ride!  I'm glad you find comfort here--someone will always be here for you!

jcruz
Posts: 206
Joined: Jan 2013

Thank you all for you kind comments.  I've got a 3 day weekend and am planning a few things with friends and a few just for myself.  So I hope I'll start next week at work feeling better.  

I thought I was prepared for returning to work, expecially since I was only going in half-time but I have been surprised by how hard some days are.  It's a good thing I've got my own office because sometimes the door just has to be closed if I need a little quiet or if I am feeling weepy.  Next month I'm going to try working 75% time and if that doesn't work I'll just go back to 50% for a while.  I am fortunate to have the full support of our dept. head who is a very close friend.  She was the captain of my support team when I was in treatment, organizing rides, laundry, food, everything I needed.

But returning to work is just one thing I'm dealing with.  Food issues have been a challenge but I think things are gradually improving as I am more conscious of what I can eat.  I also have begun taking imodium every day after I had a very close call at work 2 weeks ago.  I went back through old posts here to see how other people have dealt with this.  So helpful.  I also talked with my brother who has lived with Crohn's disease for over 30 years and when he told me he couldn't have gone to work with taking imodium daily then I thought well, okay I think I can do this and maybe not be afraid of having an accident at work or on the bus.

Getting regular exercise was easy when I wasn't working.  I live a block away from an oceanside path and could walk every day and measure my improvement by how close I could get to walking the entire length of the path.  I have to figure out how to get that walk in now that I come home after work just wanting to crawl into bed for a nap.  I will do this.  I have to.

I know it's a long haul back to something like normal.  I'm 5 months post-treatment.  It's been 11 months since I began to think something was wrong and my primary care doctor took me seriously and sent me off to the gastro doc who wasted no time in diagnosing the cancer, sending me off on what felt like a runaway train.  I got off that train in January when I my biopsy showed no evidence of cancer.  But now what?  I know this is never going to be completely over but I hope that I'll find some way to be something like normal soon.

Hugs to  you all 

mp327's picture
mp327
Posts: 2820
Joined: Jan 2010

My own experience has been that the first 2 years post-treatment are the most difficult in trying to resume a normal life.  I know 2 years sounds like a long time, but it goes fast!  Just celebrate each little step you take, no matter how insignificant it might seem.  You are going to do fine.  I'm glad you have an understanding boss who will let you adjust your work hours as needed.  As for taking Imodium daily, that was a recommendation by my rad onc also and I did it for awhile until my bowels finally settled down.  He told me it would not be harmful and have no lasting side effects, so I say go for it!  Good luck on the walking program--you can do it!

jcruz
Posts: 206
Joined: Jan 2013

Thanks again for your support!

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 551
Joined: Jul 2011

I'm at 15 months and it's finally getting better....hang in there

 

 

LisaMMiles
Posts: 38
Joined: Mar 2013

It is hard even when done with the treatments!! I go back to work Monday after being off for two months. Ready to get some normal back in my life but think I will get real tired as I wont be able to rest like I have been :(

Marynb
Posts: 1134
Joined: Aug 2012

I hope you can ease back into work. Rest when you can!

LisaMMiles
Posts: 38
Joined: Mar 2013

Thank you so much!! 

jcruz
Posts: 206
Joined: Jan 2013

I hope all goes well for you when you return to work.  I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

LisaMMiles
Posts: 38
Joined: Mar 2013

Thank you :)

 

mp327's picture
mp327
Posts: 2820
Joined: Jan 2010

I wish you all the best today and hope your transition back into the workplace goes well.  It may be just the thing to get you one step closer back to normal.

LisaMMiles
Posts: 38
Joined: Mar 2013

The first week back at work was great! Got a little tired but took my mind off of the healing and that is a good thing :) I am resting this weekend though haha

jcruz
Posts: 206
Joined: Jan 2013

I'm glad your first week back was so good.  Get lots of rest over the weekend.

Marynb
Posts: 1134
Joined: Aug 2012

That is really great news! I am so happy that you are doing so well! Rest up this weekend and take good care of yourself.

cap630
Posts: 148
Joined: Jul 2011

Please try to take one day at a time.  We have had to endure a very difficult treatmenit that has drained us physically and mentally.  It took me a long time to get back on my feet.  Have faith because it does happen.  I don't know if I will ever be pain free again, but I am no longer exhausted and look for the sunshine in everyday.  I wish you well my friend- as you know we have all been in your shoes.

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