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1-year, not what I hoped (yet)

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 3169
Joined: May 2012

H&N Gang,

 

I come to you partially deflated.  Not to put the cart before the horse, but my 1-year (routine) exam was not (yet) the stellar exam I had hoped for.  It is possibly not serious “at all” but my ENT found a small enlarged spot while palpitating my neck, I could not feel anything.  After his in office ultra sound he immediately ordered a CT scan to be performed tomorrow morning.

 

Mind you I had very clean PET/CT scans at 3 & 9 months and I truly hope this is nothing more than some radiation altering of the neck landscape or something.

 

I checked my “Good Karma” bank and scanxiety and each could use a positive dose from my friends to top them off or as they say “I need the good stuff and I need it now”.  Mind you this is most likely nothing, but a little positive energy will sure help.

 

I hate this cancer, just when you are feeling better it pops up its filthy little head (and I thought a scan was out of the question).

 

Matt

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8124
Joined: Sep 2009

My money is on radiation residual, ,scarring, etc....

But, I'll gladly donate each of these dollar bills into your Karma Bank... Each representative of a good thought, postive result, extra motivation, confidense, prayer, mojo, an all that's good and positive to you buddy...

JG

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3922
Joined: Mar 2012

and I'm tucking you into the old pocket......I know, and you know the old saying "it's not something, till somebody says it is"....but also know that's only a handlebar we hang on to to keep us on the edge of our seat till "that somebody" does say something.  I'm thinking you're at the time after treatment that some of the squirmishes with radiation start to pop up....that would include scar tissue (a thickening) that can actually be felt.  Your Dr. is right on top of it.....with clean scans only 3 months ago, and the fact that you can't feel anything.....would lean towards a good outcome of tomorrow's scans. 

I checked your karma bank....it's full!! Laughing.....so making a deposit of huge positive thoughts, and of course P's pocket.....

Ingrid K's picture
Ingrid K
Posts: 811
Joined: Mar 2011

Sending you good vibes, Matt that it's nothing at all.

And backing that up with prayers heading your way.  Since you are safe again in Phrannie's pocket, I am sure all will be well.

 

wolfen's picture
wolfen
Posts: 1224
Joined: Apr 2009

And directing all of my good vibes and positive thoughts right at you for tomorrow's scan. My first thought also, was scar tissue, especially since you can't feel it. We'll just wait right here with you for the results. Feel those arms clapsed around you?

Luv,

Wolfen 

staceya's picture
staceya
Posts: 703
Joined: Jan 2010

I have neck landscaping issues as well. Nice term btw.
It is like a mole has been digging stuff up and leaving lumps about.

Keeping you in my prayers for tomorrow!!

Stacey

fisrpotpe's picture
fisrpotpe
Posts: 1344
Joined: Aug 2010

for me i love the attention the great doc's give and when they use the big time sence of urgency with it, wow. he is moving fast to figure out the unknown. that is what we want when we suspect something. 

keep the good karma that nothing is bad before it's bad. 

you have my good stuff in prayer that all is well. 

positive energy being sent your way. 

john 

Grandmax4's picture
Grandmax4
Posts: 600
Joined: Dec 2011

and prayers from Ohio

 

donfoo's picture
donfoo
Posts: 1374
Joined: Dec 2012

Hi Matt,

Stay calm and collected. Nothing is going to change what is. Take comfort in the past clean scans and assume nothing has changed until you get the next scan report. It is what it is, so enjoy each day and hour without compromise due to something out of your control.

Don

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 3169
Joined: May 2012

Skiffin,

I am banking on radiation residuals being the culprit.

 

Phrannie,

I love the pocket, it is a lot more crowded than last summer, but very nice, T is playing his guitar and singing.

 

Ingrid,

Good vibes and prayers work wonders in the H&N world

 

Wolfen,

I appreciate the virtual hugs, I tried to go it alone then it dawned on me I am not alone.  About feeling it, I don’t but the ENT does.

 

Stacey,

From what I see, your neck landscape looks pretty good.  Montana moles must have scruples.

 

John,

I agree, fast is good.  It just took me by surprise.  I felt like saying you have got to be kidding.  I did say “last time I had a Fine Needle Biopsy the results were not good” (I haven’t had one yet).

 

Grandmax4,

Some times all I have is my good karma, thanks.

 

Don,

Sometimes the obvious is hard to see and understand, one needs to get the fear to takes its place and quit trying to cut to the front of the line.

 

 

Thank you everyone, some times going it alone (wife and me) isn’t enough.

 

Matt

rachel12yrsuv's picture
rachel12yrsuv
Posts: 435
Joined: Feb 2013

Matt,

I had those bumps that they felt and pet scans to ct scan to mris to find out it was the beginning of the new me. I remember being afraid and 12 yrs later still trying not to let fear over come me anymore.

You are fine, changes will continue to happen in your neck till you reach your new normal, and your neck may start to ache and not move as much, all normal.

Get your scan so you have poece of mind that your year exam went exactly the way you thought....NED!

When you go to your scan ask the Lord to go with you, He will and you will be protected!

All my prayers and positive thoughts for you have been sent!

God be with you,

Rachel

rachel12yrsuv's picture
rachel12yrsuv
Posts: 435
Joined: Feb 2013

Matt,

I had those bumps that they felt and pet scans to ct scan to mris to find out it was the beginning of the new me. I remember being afraid and 12 yrs later still trying not to let fear over come me anymore.

You are fine, changes will continue to happen in your neck till you reach your new normal, and your neck may start to ache and not move as much, all normal.

Get your scan so you have poece of mind that your year exam went exactly the way you thought....NED!

When you go to your scan ask the Lord to go with you, He will and you will be protected!

All my prayers and positive thoughts for you have been sent!

God be with you,

Rachel

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 3169
Joined: May 2012

Rachel,

You have been through so much (and you are still kicking).  With Gods grace, my wife and a little luck and good doctors and most of all my H&N friends, I too hope to be kicking in 12 years.  I can learn to accept the bumps, I’ve reluctantly already accepted the 5 extra years of age on my looks.

 

Thanks for the well wishes and the good advice you are one special person.

 

Matt

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2761
Joined: Jan 2010

matt, i also went thru that and it turned out to be left over radiation.  i'm still sending you lots of prayers and good karma for a great scan tomorrow.  try not to worry too much, i know easier said than done. 

God bless,

debbiejeanne

NoDuck
Posts: 134
Joined: May 2012

and Karma and Mojo and fingers crossed and looking for a four-leaf clover on St. Pat's Day.

Bettin' it's noting but that old radiation gift that keeps on givin. 

Deb and Dale

 

jcortney's picture
jcortney
Posts: 432
Joined: Sep 2012

Is that the doc just had some twitchie fingers and thought he felt something.  You'll see, the report will say "twitchie finger syndrome" thank you for your patronage.

We've got your back Matt.

 

Joe

michdjp's picture
michdjp
Posts: 204
Joined: Sep 2011

Today was church and I mentioned your name...

I wish you all the best and remember the famous line from our site...

it's nothing until its something...

all my best

michelle

katenorwood
Posts: 1869
Joined: May 2012

Matt,

I am keeping you in my pocket too, and adding all the positive thoughts I can muster to send your way !  Stay positive....stay secure in the knowledge you have gained from the group....and know we are right here always to stand beside you for the all clear.   Your friend in Mn.   Katie

luv4lacrosse's picture
luv4lacrosse
Posts: 1412
Joined: Jul 2010

Matt, I think at this point it is the residual Sh$T after the battle. My neck has always felt like a street fuspeed umps bumps with nothing to be concerned with. I am putting my money on speed bumps and you will be fine. 

Prayers and good mojo on the way buddy.

Best

Mike

boardwalkgirl
Posts: 263
Joined: Jun 2012

Matt, you have encouraged me so many times when I needed it. I am sure it is nothing, but glad they are going to rule it out quickly. I am sending tons of positive thoughts and prayers. We will be waiting right here for the good news!

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 3169
Joined: May 2012

Debbiejeanne,

The “Old Timers” or as I like to call them the “Wise Ones” are my ace-in–the-hole when I’ve fallen off course and the H&N road is less traveled for a reason.

 

Deb and Dale,

Good luck is all I get from the H&N gang (I will cross my eyes if it will help).

 

Joe,

If he palpitated while I was eating I could identify the lump.  I think I have “twitchy mind syndrome”.

 

Michelle,

Thank you, you make me feel very grateful for your kindness

 

Katie,

I always knew if I needed a “wheel man” you would be my first choice.  Yes, I have gained from the group.  At first I was so fixated on a 1-year NED, I was totally blown off course.  This morning I decided to reach out my hand.

 

Mike,

I hear you, speed bumps I can handle

 

Boardwalkgirl,

I’ve made room in Phrannie’s and Katie’s pockets for your tons of positive thoughts and prayers.

 

 

Thank you for the support, together we can kick cancer is the a _ _.

 

Matt

fishmanpa's picture
fishmanpa
Posts: 1147
Joined: Jan 2013

Matt,

On this, St. Patrick's Day, may the luck of the Irish be with you! Positive thoughts and prayers coming your way!

"T"

PS... Where's the Green Beer?!

hwt's picture
hwt
Posts: 2085
Joined: Jun 2012

Count on my prayers and good thoughts. I've got a very good feeling.

Hard12Find
Posts: 210
Joined: Sep 2012

Try to remain on the positive side, like you said you already aced the 3 and 9 month scans, and radiation neck remodeling is certainly in the realm of possibilities.....we will be pulling for you, so keep us posted, I go for my 3 month, next Tuesday, and have done ok with scanxiety, but definately weighs more as the time gets closer....Hang in there buddy...

Jim

ditto1
Posts: 644
Joined: Mar 2012

Diane just ran up to Western Union, so we can send you karma and prayers overnight should be there in plenty of time.  You are going to be fine my friend, no one enters P51s pocket and comes out in bad shape.  You have with your time and humor given us all a lift when we needed it.  I understand the fear and it sucks, like noises in the dark and your not sure what it is, but when the light comes on you see its just the cat.  God Bless

ToBeGolden's picture
ToBeGolden
Posts: 696
Joined: Aug 2010

You have all my  positive energy, prayers, and thoughts. Let's hope what the ENT found is a lot of nothing. Rick.

wrhbounds's picture
wrhbounds
Posts: 39
Joined: Jan 2013

Keep the good karma going my money is on you

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 3169
Joined: May 2012

T,

I wore my green today.  No green beer but I did have a sip of a Shamrock Shake .

 

Hwt,

Good feelings are what I am after

 

Jim,

Don’t tell anyone but my mind went a touch negative and that is why I’ve asked you all here to help (it is working)

 

Ditto1,

Your message got to me in just in time, thanks.  It is nice in P51s pocket, I think we should add it to the choices , surgery, rads, chemo and P51s pocket.

 

Rick,

I appreciate the energy, thoughts and prayers.  I too am in the find nothing corner

 

Wrhbounds,

You can never have enough good karma when taking on our foe

 

Thanks for the good feelings, it is a happy note to end this week.

 

Matt

NJShore's picture
NJShore
Posts: 411
Joined: Nov 2012

Matt,

Boy when I turn my head for a day or two... You were one of the first people to wrap your arms around us when I first visited this site. You are the strength and the very witty humor I have enjoyed, and there is no way that you won't be the topic of my prayers until this scare is over, I my prayers are that this is just what this is - a scare.

Be brave Civil one.. let us do the worrying for you :)

Hugs, Kari & Dan

SeaUSoon
Posts: 5
Joined: Jan 2013

Thoughts and prayers are with you

Walt

Billie67's picture
Billie67
Posts: 834
Joined: Jul 2012

Ah my first friend here on CSN....you were the very first one to greet me and reply to my post. You were so nice to me and helped me not to worry so much. Now it's my time to hopefully help you. I just said a little prayer for you and I honestly think it's going to be radiation "junk" that is in there. 3 & 9 mo scans were good so I fully expect this CT to be good also.
My hope is that you will get the good results quickly so you can put all the worry behind you.
Sending hugs my friend.
Billie
Ps please keep us posted

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 3169
Joined: May 2012

Kari & Dan,

I did not want to bother any of you with negative vibes, so I thought I would wait and tell my 1-year story later.  As it has turned out, talking to all of you has more than helped me out and the virtual hugs produce real time good feelings.

 

SeaUSoon,

Welcome to the H&N forum, thanks for the thoughts and prayers.  I see this is your first post, feel free to start a new thread and introduce yourself and ask any question(s) you have

 

Billie,

I remember that post and I always thought you were a girl (John, LOL).  Even if the H&N cancer brought you to us, you brought a whole spectrum of real life experiences to this forum.  I am also in support of the 3 & 9 month scans overruling the 12 month neck palpitation with “it’s nothing”

 

 

Thank you all.  I’ve got my Lorazapam on the counter and will be ready for any scan 30 minutes after taking one.

 

Matt

rachel12yrsuv's picture
rachel12yrsuv
Posts: 435
Joined: Feb 2013

Matt,

Don't we all no about Lorazapam, still use 2mg a day 12yrs later(went off for long time been back on for couple of years)
I believe if you need it take it, the scan my friend is the easy part, we have hundreds, its the waiting that is tough, then u need our HAPPY pill.

Then when the call comes, get that Green beer, toast your wife and kick your heels up and enjoy your 1 yr mark!

Go with God my friend(I lend him to you today, just give Him back! Lol

Rachel

vermontgirl's picture
vermontgirl
Posts: 66
Joined: Nov 2012

Hi Matt,

 

Sending calm and confidence your way today.  my vote is it's your new normal.  Rads change everything for good and bad.  I'd take new lumps over house guests (uninvited) who won't leave any day.  I know what you mean about suddenly being standing when the rug gets pulled out fryou under you.  Good thing you have the safety net of this forum.....always here with arms outstretched to catch you.  get the scan, then post Ned with new lump.  Positive vibes your way.

Kirsten in VT

cureitall66's picture
cureitall66
Posts: 890
Joined: Aug 2012

Matt...You know I will always "Deposit" into your account, anytime! I'm glad your doctor is proactive with this. I would much rather see him be this way then send you on your way saying "lets wait and see". You are lucky to have a doctor that is looking after you that way. I am sending you some good vibes today with your scan and outcome. 

~Cris

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 3169
Joined: May 2012

Rachel,

I faithfully tool my 1 Lorazapam this morning and 30 minutes later I was ready for my mask (that ready).  The PET and radiation are more intense as is the MRI, but unless it is my day to drive the school bus I am taking it.

 

If my spit doesn’t start showing up for work soon I’ll be celebrating with green teeth (lol)

 

Kirsten,

The new normal and his pal bump are welcome as long as they don’t bring along the beast.

 

This safety net sounds good, I should be an easy catch (I lost 43 pounds).

 

NED with lumps, I can live with that

 

 

Cris,

Proactive ENT good, mind set prior to bump detection “not ready”.

I am lucky to have all these well wishes from my H&N family.

 

Scan was fast, just to show who was in charge, I asked for a sip of water prior to starting.  Then held my breath and swallowed on queue.

 

Matt

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8124
Joined: Sep 2009

LOL...

I just wanted to get my name on here again...., LOL.

But on a more ummm serious note (sorry, hard for me to be serious)...

Wishing you the very best of results, and letting you know that I am always in your corner.

JG

rachel12yrsuv's picture
rachel12yrsuv
Posts: 435
Joined: Feb 2013

Matt just checking in to see if you are ok. If no news yet I know that's good, they can always find out fast when they want to!

Keep a smile on your face, NED you will be!

Thinking of you,

Rachel

Crazymom's picture
Crazymom
Posts: 322
Joined: Nov 2011

Take one day at a time...You may be ok.  I have my 1 year skan next week...Mar 27.   I am starting to get scared.   I will say a quick prayer for your.  I appreciate all your posts.

 

Ann

Duggie88's picture
Duggie88
Posts: 591
Joined: Feb 2010

The wife (boss) and I were away for our anniversary on St Patty's day and just made it back home. But my thinking is like many others, just after effects. They always found unknowns on my scans that they chalked up to radiation.

Unlike "T" I am spending the kids inheritance money so I skipped the green beer and went right to Jameson. Not a good thing when your gambling in Atlantic City but it made lossing easier to accept.

I feel confident the news is good.

      Jeff 

Greg53's picture
Greg53
Posts: 833
Joined: Apr 2010

Matt,

From one civil to another - rubbing my lucky slide rule for good news for you.

 

Positive thoughts and big time Mojo coming at ya!

 

Greg

Billie67's picture
Billie67
Posts: 834
Joined: Jul 2012

I just wanted to check on you and see how you're doing? I know the waiting game can make one a little crazy so I hope you are hanging in there.
Just wanted youth know I'm thinking of you.
Billie

ooo's picture
ooo
Posts: 107
Joined: Mar 2012

"1-year not what I hoped".. Come on Matt! I bet that one year ago you hoped what every new fighter hopes: to be on the right side of the dirt a year after the diagnosis.

And here you are!  :)

All the positive thoughts I have are for your scan. Hope it went well.

Dre.

Tim6003's picture
Tim6003
Posts: 1501
Joined: Nov 2011

...but I just wanted you to know I just read your initial post ....whispered a prayer all is well and that it is nothing.  I've been out and about a lot as of late ...so I don't make it to the board as much ...but if anbody I feel was on the same bus and nearly the same seat, you and I were.

I whispered that prayer as I hit the submit button ...keep us posted my friend ...

Best,

Tim

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 3169
Joined: May 2012

Skiffin,

By my calculations (and visual research) you have been on here over 6,385 times and how did you know I had a corner.

 

Rachel,

If I read you correctly, my ENT may possibly be sitting on good news trying to hatch a way to tell me.  I will be checking on you too.

 

Ann,

I took one year of one day at a time and I behaved and drove safely.  Now if I can get my cells to align just right.

 

Jeff,

I am not to big a gambler, but I am all in on the cancer game.  If radiations is responsible then I win this hand.

 

Greg,

How nice, I could have used your slide rule today.  I was doing some buoyancy calcs for some underground tanks.

 

Billie,

I’ll leave the shade up so your husband can do a drive-by check.  The waiting game can make you crazy, I sneezed a cookie out my nose, I never use to do that.

 

Dre,

You are 100% correct, I am thankful I am on this side.  I really thought I was going to waltz in and out of my ENT’s unscathed.  A slight detour, a scan and I would still like to hear something good.

 

Tim,

My main man, when the ENT felt an enlarged area (what ever the heck that means) I thought back to you and the Erbitux debate.  I am glad you are out and about, I need to do a little more of enjoying life myself. 

 

 

Thanks all,

 

Matt

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8124
Joined: Sep 2009

Matt~ see..you are thinking like an engineer....you have to consider that a lot of that post count also might include multiple postings at one log-in, LOL...

Tim~ that's a nice big azz salmon there...., even bigger than the wolf track, LOL... good eats for sure. Is that a sockeye salmon....?

~J

rachel12yrsuv's picture
rachel12yrsuv
Posts: 435
Joined: Feb 2013

Matt,

Still thinking of you buddy, just wanted you to know. I pray for you everyday. I always said I don't care about any test, lock me in, mri who cares, hayper baric chamber no big deal, pet ct contrast who cares, its the waiting and the creepy feeling everytime the phone rings I couldn't stand. So that's been my prayer, peace in the wait and when the phone rings let it be filled with NED!

All my love and prayers Friend,

Rachel

Billie67's picture
Billie67
Posts: 834
Joined: Jul 2012

Ok my hubby did the drive by and now I'm doing mine. How you doing buddy?
Billie

hwt's picture
hwt
Posts: 2085
Joined: Jun 2012

Like others, I am getting just about as anxious waiting for your results as I would my own. That good feeling continues...keep us posted.

Candi

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