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should have listened!

NJShore's picture
NJShore
Posts: 411
Joined: Nov 2012

Boy do I have nerves jumping tonight. Against P's advice, I might have over searched the internet this past week, researching every word on my ultrasound report. My findings are they have lists of words that make a nodule suspicious, and those that don't. Of my 6 little friends (2 are huge, in reality) all of the words except for one, were found on the suspicious list. Only one word was on the better list.

As if the internet isn't bad enough, I went through the cd's -- one more time, and found them all... tinkered til I know every trick in the software to enhance and really see these guys. There are a few words they didn't put in the results that probably should have been included... unfortunately things that are found on the suspicious list.

I am afraid I might have to go cold turkey away from anything associated with Thyroids, until my appointment next Thursday morning when I meet with the surgeon and see what he sees. If I find my findings are right though, I am qualified for taking the medical boards... :)

To top it off, while at the opthamologist office today, he looked at my face and said oh wow, you have rosacea, and are starting to break out on your nose. This is the step after I turned bright red for 3 days last week from getting iodine dye.. little does he know, when I took a shower this morning, I had little bits of broken out skin all over my body (thank heavens it's winter and not shorts and tank top weather!) Here I thought no one would notice.

So if my hanging out here is too much, just wait, I am sure when my nerves subside next week, it'll be safe for me to go to other pagers such as google again, and I'll get quieter!

Back to biting my nails!

Kari

 

 

fishmanpa's picture
fishmanpa
Posts: 1149
Joined: Jan 2013

Kari,

First: You've been here long enough to know it's nothing until the docs say it's something. 

Second: Make an appointment at your local nail salon ;)

Before I joined this forum, I did the same thing and had myself convinced I would be pushing up daisies within 5 years. Heck, that still may be the case, but my focus changed dramatically when I started down this path with my surgery. I'm way more concerned about getting through the treatment in one piece. Life has taken a one day at a time pace and I've become used to it. Progress is now measured in baby steps. Each day brings a smidgen of improvement that can be considered a victory. It's these little victories that I grab a hold of to get me through the day. As much as I've read here about the effects of radiation and chemo, I'm ready to deal with it and will grab onto any positives I can along the way. 

While too much internet reading can set your mind reeling in negativity, the benefit is knowledge of your anatomy and medical jargon. I recall the look on my Team's face when I spewed off technical and medical terms like they were slang when they were speaking to me at my 2nd opinion. I obviously had done my homework. Previously however, my internet research had me self diagnosed with lymphoma. I hadn't even heard of Squamous Cell Carcinoma and actually felt relieved that it wasn't lymphoma until I started reading about SCC! ~lol~ 

We all know how hard it is to be in limbo. There are no tricks or magic wands to wave to relieve you of your worry but I'll be sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. You've had more than enough on your plate for a while. Here's hoping you don't get a second helping.

"T" 

katenorwood
Posts: 1874
Joined: May 2012

Kari,

I'm sorry to hear about that miserable reaction to the iodine dye.  Anything help it ?  I suppose it just has to work it's way out.  I think it's good to a point to have a question and answer sheet ready for your appointment with the surgeon.  But.....once it's compiled, put it away until your appointment !  Thyroid issues uck !  I'm praying all goes positively, and they can get rid of the problem and put you on replacements.  I won't believe anything else for you period !  Know we are all here for you and don't bite those nails !  Hugs sent !   Katie

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3948
Joined: Mar 2012

You gotta listen to your auntie P, and quit diagnosing via the internet!!!  Laughing

I don't know what it is with the human condition, that we are almost compelled, even against our own better judgement....to know and then control what may (or may not) be happening with ourselves.  I am no better.....I still get tempted to "check something out", and I can feel it when I start stretching my "checking" into something that is going to affect my fear level.  Why do I do that?  I don't know!!

Ok, so T said it all in our fave little diddy here...."It ain't something till somebody who KNOWS says it is".....if google searches could make us Dr.'s we'd all have our MD's by now.

You just stick close to here, and we'll hold your hand till you get thru this bump in your road....ok? 

p

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 3207
Joined: May 2012

Hi Kari,

 

It sounds like you got all your worrying done up front, before anything suspicious is confirmed.  Those pesky words with meaning always mess one up.

 

The day my rad onc told me I was stage IVa I almost collapsed, while seeing my distress she quickly told me why it sounded worse than it was.  The stage killed me, her explanation saved me.

 

Try to relax,

 

Matt

wolfen's picture
wolfen
Posts: 1226
Joined: Apr 2009

You know it just has to be true if you read it on the Internet. NOT!

BREATHE! And trust these guys here.

Get away from the Internet, read a good mystery and leave your mystery to the docs to figure out.

Luv Ya,

Wolfen

Billie67's picture
Billie67
Posts: 834
Joined: Jul 2012

It's just not worth the heartache and sleepless nights for what might be mostly wrong information. Just stay here with us and you will be much more at ease.
Billie

donfoo's picture
donfoo
Posts: 1380
Joined: Dec 2012

Maybe as an IT professional, I always cringe at all the posts stating stay away from the Internet. Guess what gang, you do that and you just cut yourself off this forum, your email, and all the online shopping sites you visit on the INTERNET.

PLEASE try some alternate phrase to describe all the "junk" out there, all defined as websites that are not credible and vetted by some professional peer community. It is generally very easy to sort out the junk from quality sites using google. Just look at the website address and over time you will learn the key organizations that offer information you can take to the bank.

Thanks 

Don

personal blog site - http:beatdown.cognacom.com  feel free to join

AJW1966
Posts: 69
Joined: Nov 2012

We all know that there is good info and bad info out there. I have learned to "sift" through the garbage and pull out decent info on my condition, diagnosis and long term health but i take it with a grain of salt because it's subjective. We are not guaranteed the same results of someone with an identical condition. 

So be careful what you read. Maybe start with sites like NIH, Mayo Clinic and so forth....compare the info, find a common denominator and hope you fall into that category.

All the best,

God bless,

Alan

 

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8136
Joined: Sep 2009

Ummm, for one you can save on blush.... Foot in Mouth

Being one that tends to read my reports also, LOL.... and over analyzing what I "think" i read, I can offer what my MD's tell me when I tend to scare my self.... Let the "professionals" interpret the reports and findings, LOL...

So, hopefully when you get your actual follow-up, the results won't be as scary as they seem at the moment...

Best Always ~ John

NJShore's picture
NJShore
Posts: 411
Joined: Nov 2012

Hey all,

I want to send you each the nicest thank you, you really did help me last night and today.. Last night I slept, and got rest. I guess I just had to get my emotions off my chest, and your warm responses just touched me. So instead of a lot of posts.. here’s the summarized responses:

T,  You cracked me up, I just had a mani/pedi appt on Sunday!! You are right though, it helped! And thank you for the prayers and good thoughts, they mean the world to me.

Katie, Wow, love the new picture! You rock. Good Idea with the list, I should start one next time I feel the urge to surf.. I hadn’t even thought of it for myself! And good news, my spots might be getting lighter, but the cheeks are still reddish.. no make up for me for a while!

Auntie P, and Billie, I hope you both see me here in the middle on this seat on the bus !  Hope this is the short bus !

Matt, you always seem so calm, smooth, easy going, would never have guessed you were a swooner.  Glad the doctors helped, and I know whatever the doctor says, I really trust this man, I will listen.

Wolfen, Practicing my Lamaze, just incase I feel like passing out later..  and good idea on the book – I used to listen to books all the time before Dan got sick, haven’t since. But this is a good night to charge up the old Zen player. Thank you!

Donfoo, I too am a IT Professional for over 20+ years, I remember being on the internet when usenet was literally directories, and aol didn’t exist yet… Oops, I am old!  In fact I work for the company that owns most of the backbone, so I know when I miss use those words, and will probably keep doing it, my motto is if the company logo isn’t on it, I’m not being paid enough to worry about the details – particularly when quite frankly I am a bundle of nerves.. ;) But I am sorry if my poor chose of words is offending.

Alan, I tried to keep my information to the university’s and world renown websites,  my common denominator is at about 69% chance with one particular nodule, however, it really is so curable even if it is, with just surgery. I am just hoping it’s not in my nodes.. no nodes.. no nodes.. no nodes. The idea of surgery is not an issue for me.

John, so funny – you know when I get nervous, and am not searching for answers, I have a tendenency to read every email, and I ran across an advertisement the other night and  ordered makeup this week! Blush included.. what was I thinking! And the other night, I read the results to a professional.. his response.. so you’ll be in the surgical suite soon, wait for your doctor to explain.. nice friend -  But that’s ok, I am actually thrilled if they get it out at this point… why I am almost thinking about naming the nodes and getting their photographs!

Thanks all, I have had cervical cancer (2004), found random adenomacarinoma cells here and there – caught them all as single cells, they can never find more, but find them occassionally anyway.. my wish is at least if this were something more, that at least I get something more user - friendly. The surgery part doesn’t bother me a bit, keeping it makes me more nervous, it’s the nodes and lab work that are my big unknown.. but hey down to 7 days til planning!

Thanks, and Hugs for you all.

Kari

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