We have not heard from you for a long time. I hope you are doing okay. Did you start Gemzar. Thinking of you and hoping you are doing okay. In peace and caring.
I was thinking about you. Hope you are doing well.
Didn't she say she was planning to go see her husband? Hopefully they are together on a warm, sunny beach.
Was in California visiting my best friends.
Havent had chemo for over a month, so physically feel fine (a bit fatigued), but am battling depression/anxiey.
What do people take? Effexor? Ativan helps me and I dont care if it is habit forming
Hopefully starting "Plan C" chemo next week
My oncologist seems to favour weekly Taxol...she says it behaves differently when given weekly, and it seemed to work for a while in my initial Carbo/Taxol, and I tolerated it really well
Gemzar is alternative...not to crazy about drop in blood counts and getting painful injections
Will probably go with the weekly Taxol, and at the same time initiate a consult at Sloan Kettering, which takes weeks
I have lost about 7 pounds (was a normal weight before), and still have some mild fatigue, but otherwise am completely asymptomatic!....like someone once wrote "are they sure it is not someone elses CT Scan???
The only thing really bothering me is my mood swings, like a yo yo
For the past year no depression...thinking positively...looking at all my positive role models...taking one treatment step at a time
But when the Doxil didnt work , and my oncologist is never encouraging.(why cant i have an oncologist who transmits a positive outlook...my two have given me zero warm supportive positive feelings.....maybe it's the dark depressing Canadian winter!..very hard to keep the positive thinking...ergo...depression
WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME INSERT AND KEEP INSIDE MY HEAD THAT IF ONE (OR 2) CHEMOS DONT WORK, ANOTHER WILL!!!!!....that there is a certain amount of trial and error in this condition
There are so many positive role models...I feel fine...why not me?????
REAL words of encouragement and advice would be extremely welcome
By the way re religion...I am not a believer
Thanks to everyone for your concern
Hope you had a good trip to California, and had some warm sunshine.
I too hope that plan "C". Works for you. Sorry to hear that you feel so depressed. There are many anti depressants available. I hope you find one that makes you feel better.
Sorry you are still feeling fatigued, too. I hope you recover some energy eith the weekly Taxol. It is supposed to be easier on the body. In peace and caring.
I don't know if I can help, but I want you to know I understand your feelings. I went to Sloan for a second opinion when first dx then again this past summer when I had a scare. I was in awe of how Sloan runs like a well oiled machine. They have so many trials and can either confirm the path your on or sugguest something else. I left there feeling at ease with my decision.
Please write here when things just get to much. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Sorry to hear you're dealing with depression and trying to keep a positive footing on the path. Life just isn't always easy, as I can relate with many ups/downs in my life. I've learned quite a bit about depression from a good friend who has dealt with it his whole life, and today teaches classes for others.
Having docs who don't look towards a "positive outlook" makes the journey that much more difficult. We rely on them and darn it when they're not as motivating. I truly can't tell you how to cope with these docs as not all have good best side manners, as you would know being a doc yourself.
Whenever I had down and out times in my life, I'd start reading motivating books such as from Dr. Wayne Dyer and Norman Vincent-Peale. These readings helped pull me up and keep me above the negative crap in my life at that moment. But...when the physical side is down due to depression that's where the meds help us...have seen this with many of my friends fighting depression. Yes mam, that darn darkness as well pushes us towards depression. Do you take any vitamin D...had it checked lately, as that can as well cause depression, plus disease?
What I can tell you, I do not let the statistics lead me...I choose to think "I'm unique and no one can put a time on my life"...so I keep on thinking HOPE....always reminding myself this will work for me.
I've been in group therapy for cancer topics and can tell you, I've seen quite a few wonderful women who are stage 4 and given a bad outlook on life. Today some years later, living very good lives....remember there is always hope, but you have to start thinking that way.
You ask for real words of encouragement --- YOU ARE A STATISTIC OF ONE!!!! BELIEVE AND VISUALIZE HOW YOU'LL GET THRU THIS AND LIVE A VERY GOOD LIFE!!! YOU MUST BELIEVE!!!!
I get on a rant about this thinking, but I believe it works, at the very least calms our minds. Try yoga or meditation to quiet your mind...another thought!!
Best to you and know we're all here for you and do care!!!
Believe or don't believe in a higher power, that is your choice. But believe in yourself! This is no choice it is a sine qua non!You know, thought you once mentioned you are a Doc, that depression is hormone driven, but also frequently situational! Goodness gratuitous we are quite deserving, in our roller coaster life's ride, of situational depression!Meds may help some, but You may, can, and should help yourself More!
Thank you Sara, you are always such an inspiration. Seems like you post just when I need a push.
Beila, I hope you are well... did you talk to Sloan yet?
Joyous Purim to you too!!!!!
Thank you so much to all of you for all your support.
Yes Sara, I dont think I need antidepressants..I need to get my way of thinking back on track the way it was for the 1st year...ie positive
2 mind sets get rid of my depression:
1 that SOMETHING, chemo wise, will work for me.
I am starting weekly Taxol on Tuesday and I need to think positively that it will be effective....or if not, SOMETHING else will!!!!
2 things to look forward to...Sara, I dont know how you do it!!! A real inspiration to us....how do you do all that travelling amidst all your cancer treatment?? I NEED TO LOOK FORWARD TO GOING TO CUBA in the next month or two.....even if it is only 5 days, in between my weekly treatments!! I am like you...you are planning Seder at your home...I need to feel that I have things that bring me pleasure as the main focus, intead of being a cancer patient as my main identiy/focus
I am seriously considering doing a fundraiser for animal rescue, perhaps in June...I did this 2 and a half years ago....a great Cuban Dance Party, with live Cuban band, latin dance performers, salsa lessons, etc.....a good time was had by all, and we raised $8000 for the Humane Society.....the only thing I need is help, and I will do it!!...looking into that today
Sara, you are my inspiration for getting out there and travelling and doing significant things in the midst of all this "journey" that we are on
Thanks again to everyone for your support (keep it coming!)