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hoooooly cow

LaCh
Posts: 509
Joined: Dec 2012

Well, as a prelude to NYC's next weekend snowfall, we have 50 degrees today, soft, sweet, mild.  So what better day than to venture out with my loyal and trusty leige at my side, aka my dog, for our first walk post treatment.  Well, I'm just about speechless. This isn't fatigue, this is an entirely different animal. We meandered for an hour, covered a mile plus a little more at half a snail's pace and I am DONE IN.  This is unbelievable. 

Marynb
Posts: 1134
Joined: Aug 2012

The fatigue from treatments is different from what we knew before treatment, it is hard to describe to anyone who has not experienced it. I try to describe it to friends and family, and theybjust don't get it. Sometimes I felt like a wind up toy that had come to the end of the turn. When your body is out of energy, it just stops and you cannot take another step more. I used to get home from work, make it up the stairs, and fall asleep on the couch before I could even get my coat off.

Sounds like your diarreah must be better if you had the courage to venture a mile from home and a toilet! Good for you for giving it a try. Maybe it would be better to walk 10 minutes at a time twice a day?

Rest well.

LaCh
Posts: 509
Joined: Dec 2012

You know what came as the biggest surprise?  I live in NYC. We're all too tightly wound and even if you have nowhere to be and no special time to be there, you walk at warp speed without even realizing it.  I'm no different. Or I wasn't.  My normal walking pace today was a fraction of what it was.  I was acutely aware of how much I've slowed.  Hopefully, it won't last, not that there's anything particularly good about walking at supersonic speeds, but it's nice to know that you can if you want to.  I know what you mean about suddenly just running out of gas; I was a short distance from home, on the way back and I thought, jeeze, I'm so tired. Should I stop? Go on? I just wanna lie down.  Well, THAT was a first.  I'm accustomed to walking around Central Park for 6 hours at a time without thinking anything of it.  I never really had diarrhea, just urgency issues, and they're more predictable now.  As for walking 10 minutes twice a day...  <smile> you're absolutely right.  I tend to go from zero to all-the-way and it often doesn't serve me very well.  If I could get it through my thick head that there's a better way, I might actually do the sensible thing. Thanks for the support, as always.  It's always very appreciated.

mp327's picture
mp327
Posts: 2855
Joined: Jan 2010

I'm glad you and your dog gave a walk a chance.  Even if you are dog-tired (sorry!) afterwards, at least you got some fresh air and hopefully some sunshine.  There are 16 steps on my stairs from the 1st. floor to the second floor.  I remember having to stop and sit down once or twice pretty often on trips upstairs during my treatment.  It once took me almost 3 hours to clean my bathroom, having to go in and lie down on the bed to rest several times.  Even though your fatigue has really hit you post-treatment, I do know that feeling--like you are even too tired to breathe!  It will get better, believe me! 

LaCh
Posts: 509
Joined: Dec 2012

yeah, great sunshine, great air, just great...except for the after effects. Speaking about stairs, I live in a 5th floor walkup and during treatments, I had to stop every few steps to rest.  I climbed up to my house like a spider, it was wild. Well, I don't have to do that anymore, which made me overestimate my capabilities today. I thought, Hey, I can do this, no problem. Well, there was.  It wasn't like I walked that much further than I walked at the beginning of treatments (the last 2 weeks, I had to take a cab).  I'm not really sure what the reason was for the fatigue afterwards. Well, that's not true, of course I know the reason, it just caught me off guard.  I know what you mean about the work/lie down, work/lie down strategy.  I still can't sit so that's how I do computer stuff; standing, lying down, standing, lying down.  As for cleaning a bathroom for 3 hours, I tip my hat to you; I just would have said, "You know what? Never mind the bathroom," and left it as it was. Probably not the best answer but it would probably have been mine.  I've already altered the way I do things.  I was adamantly opposed to sending my laundry out; it cost double what I pay to do it myself and took 8 hours for them to do it (still scratching my head over that). Now, I'm thinking, "Hey, that wasn't so bad."  It eliminates the need to go up and down 5 flights of stairs 3 times.  I've been having the store deliver my groceries after I call in an order. This is something I'd never, and I mean NEVER do before. I guess I'm a little worried that even after the need for taking the easy way out passes, it may still hold allure for me.  I think of my mother's decline and how both she and I became accustomed to losing ground a bit at a time. Those things that you once found alarming, appalling, horrifying became the new normal and you didn't even give them a thought. Before you know it, you've lost a huge amount of ground, never to recover it again.  That's what I don't want for myself.  

mp327's picture
mp327
Posts: 2855
Joined: Jan 2010

I have a feeling you are not the kind of person to give up any bit of ground!  I have a rather large yard, which I always mowed so my husband wouldn't have to, since he works full-time.  I remember staring out the window when I was in treatment watching him mow the grass and crying.  I had doubts that I would ever have enough energy to do that again and either it would become his job or we would have to hire someone to do it.  Well, neither of those situations happened.  After I felt recovered enough, I went out, started up the mower and mowed the entire 1/3 of an acre with my walk-behind (although self-propelled) mower.  It felt SO good to know that I could still do that.  The same was true with my first ride on a bicycle after treatment.  With that sore behind I had experienced, I NEVER thought I would do that again, but I did!  I think you will find that at some point doing all the things you did before cancer are, well, doable!  What you decide to hang on to and what you decide to let someone else do will be totally up to you.  Just don't feel guilty or like you are giving up anything should you decide, for instance, to have your groceries delivered.  For me, it would be all about time, precious time, that we have all been given.  Would I rather spend it shopping for groceries (which I detest!) or would I rather be walking in the park? 

LaCh
Posts: 509
Joined: Dec 2012

Well, I don't know how many concessions I'm willing to make.  Some may be due, in part, at least, to getting older, rather than cancer treatments.  The walk-up isn't something I can't handle but after a while, if there's an easier way, you forget why you were so adamant before, in doing it yourself.  (A large reason is that if I don't like lugging up heavy things, groceries of dog food, I'm not comfortable asking someone else to do it, and that's not changed.) I'm already able to climb the stairs (empty-handed) almost the way I used to, and that's pretty satisfying; my version of mowing the lawn, maybe. Yesterday, when I was out with my dog, I saw someone on a bike about my age and thought, will I ever be abe to ride mine again... Just the thought of resting my caboose on that hard seat makes me wince.  But hopefully, in time, I'll be able to.  What I really want to be able to do is meander the wooded paths and open spaces in Central Park for however many hours I want to, without fatigue dictating how long that is.

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 557
Joined: Jul 2011

That is the way it is.  Brick wall in the face.  Can't go anymore.  My husband told the doc he can see it in my face when I can't go any longer..  BUT..  I can now make 3 or 4 hours instead of 1 or 2. Fatigue clinic doctor said 10 minutes at atime....

LaCh
Posts: 509
Joined: Dec 2012

I tend to bite off more than I can chew. You'd think I'd learn by now but....  See, my thinking goes like this:  "Well, I was exhausted last time but maybe it challenged my body and made it stronger..."  It'll take a few more knocks on my thick head before I modify my approach.

swordranch's picture
swordranch
Posts: 35
Joined: Feb 2013

Excuse me...I feel like I am butting into someones conversation.  I am new to this and do not know the etiquette.  So tell me if I am doing it wrong. I don't know how far LaCh is into this but sounds like comparable to me.  I live on a cattle ranch and am use to being really active and working all hours of the day and night.  On Friday I was trying to make potato soup for a crew that was here running cattle through the chute and I could not even get the potatoes peeled and chopped.  It took every once of energy that I had and I was wringing wet with sweat by the time I was done.  It was the day after being unplugged from the pump which is notoriously my roughest day.  Short of making the soup, I slept most of the day.

LaCh
Posts: 509
Joined: Dec 2012

I would say that that about describes it, or at least my experience of it. My massage therapist asked me to describe the fatigue and it isn't easy to describe it to someone who hasn't experienced it, but the best I could do was to say that it feels like you weigh about twice as much as you do. And that it isn't fatigue that you can sleep off, shake off or will away.  What you describe while making the potato soup sounds similar to what I feel. As for where I am in treatments, I finished on Jan 29th. And as for posting etiquette, as far as I know, anyone can comment or respond to one  at any time, anyone can start a new thread at any time and I imagine that like anything else, proper etiquette would be to remain considerate and polite. But maybe there's a place on the site where rules are posted that I'm not aware of. 

swordranch's picture
swordranch
Posts: 35
Joined: Feb 2013

I posted below on Pamela's post but was not  sure that you would be flagged in it, so just letting you know so that you could read it as well... :)

Laura

pamela_preib's picture
pamela_preib
Posts: 51
Joined: Nov 2012

I am feeling a lot better but boy do I know how you feel about the fatigue.  I think that is the biggest thing holding me back.  On Friday I was feeling pretty good so I told my husband he could invite our closest friends over for dinner. We were just going to make turkey burgers and keep it casual.  By three o'clock I was like "Oh no, how I am going to do this?".  Thankfully they called and cancelled.  Otherwise my husband would have been the entertainer completely.  I would have been laying on the couch. Yesterday we spent a couple of hours at the RV show.  I came home, made up some leftovers and went to bed at 8:30.  It's crazy.  It seems I can plan one thing a day for a couple of hours and that's about all I'm good for.  So glad I can go to the bathroom without crying again though. 

pamela_preib's picture
pamela_preib
Posts: 51
Joined: Nov 2012

I am feeling a lot better but boy do I know how you feel about the fatigue.  I think that is the biggest thing holding me back.  On Friday I was feeling pretty good so I told my husband he could invite our closest friends over for dinner. We were just going to make turkey burgers and keep it casual.  By three o'clock I was like "Oh no, how I am going to do this?".  Thankfully they called and cancelled.  Otherwise my husband would have been the entertainer completely.  I would have been laying on the couch. Yesterday we spent a couple of hours at the RV show.  I came home, made up some leftovers and went to bed at 8:30.  It's crazy.  It seems I can plan one thing a day for a couple of hours and that's about all I'm good for.  So glad I can go to the bathroom without crying again though. 

SisterPretty
Posts: 32
Joined: Jan 2013

Hi Pamela,

Do you have a RV? My husband and I do, we would have been heading to Destin Florida at the beginning of March!! Since my treatments don't finish until the middle of March and with me being off work for two months, we won't be able to go. We will just have camp closer to home during the summer. I am really going to miss our month in Florida!

pamela_preib's picture
pamela_preib
Posts: 51
Joined: Nov 2012

No RV yet.  Just looking at the little pop up tent trailers.  Hubby and I would like to try fly fishing this summer.  My dad passed away from cancer last year and I have inherited a ton of his fly fishing equipment. We are looking foward to it.  I can't wait for sunny warm weather.  That's one of my side effects, I'm always freezing!!! And I live in Park City Utah.  It was 25 here today.  Burrrrr!

islandgirlculebra's picture
islandgirlculebra
Posts: 135
Joined: Dec 2012

I was wondering where you live - I love your picture with the horse and the mountains in the background. I live in Delaware but I have always loved the western states - particularly the national parks in Colorado, Wyoming and Montana..... But of course I've only been there in the summer........ Bundle up and stay warm!

swordranch's picture
swordranch
Posts: 35
Joined: Feb 2013

Hi Utah!  I live on a cattle ranch in Eastern Oregon.  We are calving now so I have been going out every morning to go through all the cattle and check for problems...I have to say that I feel a thousand times better after getting out in the fresh, cold air.  I also have more energy when I get back in the house and can get some more things caught up inside.  Have a rest in the afternoon and then can hit it again and also do the night heifer checks.  I am now carrying my last chemo treatment around in the pump in anticipation of being disconnected on Thursday...YAY!

Laura

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