Jan 28, 2013 - 3:19 pm
My sister died from Hodgkin's 18 months ago and I feel stuck in grief. My sister was my best friend in the world, but we were a very close family over all, and I see my family members navigating their way through the grief process in a way I cannot seem to do. I am consumed with guilt and loss, and incredulity that this is my life. That this is real. I am haunted by watching my vibrant, healthy sister wither away and die at 31. I feel guilty because in the last several months of the disease she refused to discuss death or even her illness very directly, and she was very upset with me for trying to maintain our typical level of intimacy and friendship. Then, the day she died was unexpected, even within hospice, and I live in a different state and was not visiting until two days later. When I got the call she had died, I had just left the Gap where I have been buying m,y first maternity clothes. Yes, I was pregnant with my first child when she died.
I think my problem is the reality that I cannot get closure. I cannot talk to her, I cannot resolve anything. On top of missing her incredibly intensely, this drives me crazy. Has anyone found success is getting closure after losing a loved one where you did not get the "deathbed goodbye" conversation? I am seeing a counselor but I struggle with this every single day.