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Very confused, frustrated with parents

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Posts: 2
Joined: Jan 2013

I've never done this b4 so I'm hoping if I get any responses I'll be able to retrieve them.

My dad was diagnosed with invasive bladder cancer that has mets in different areas (per the first and last bone scan). His original urologist was pretty poor in his initial consult back last Jan. because in June - his response was "Looks like it progressed into invasive bladder cancer." Back in Jan. he had bloody urine.....fast forwad..he had a series of carbo/gem and did pretty well but due to age and fraility he couldn't continue and the doc recommended Hospice (which is what I had wanted originally). Doc said he could do no more for him. Here's where it gets dicey......Dad feels so much better with no chemo (naturally). He says he feels very good. No pain at all. He is very tired, weak, no appetite unless he takes his appetite med. His memory is shot for the most part. He looks like he's getting clumsier - fell the 30th, banged his head, almost fell twice since then. Mom racks it up to just dad getting up too fast. He is on a bag and Hospice comes in once a week to change the tube. He is recieving no meds at this point. 

Because he feels good and he is not in pain they both feel he is in remission.  Does that make sense? He's stage 4, on Hospice, losing a little weight, memory, thoughts, etc. but does not feel pain. He was on Xgeva - great stuff!!!!- but has stopped that as well and I wonder if in a short amount of time the effects of the Xgeva will wear off and the pain will start. Doc. gave him 1 yr. back in July.  Mom has been in denial from the get go but occasionally will discuss things. Dad has been very verbal but as of late has stopped. Unfortunately, when dad has mishaps of any sort she yells at him. ( i know she's frustrated). Now, because I'm the one who's on top of things and has been all this time, they are being tight lipped. I'm the only one of 4 of us who doesn't coddle them.

Need advise - especially on the lack of pain and the idea of remission. ( My thought is...there's no way.) We are very strong born again Christians and believe in God's hand in everything - trying to figure out what is or isn't realistic..   

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