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Words of Advice?

AMF67
Posts: 4
Joined: Dec 2012

I'm new!  My 57 yr old husband was diagnosed a month ago with Stage 4 Prostate cancer that has gone into his bones.  He is currently receiving Lupron injections and taking Casodex, pain meds, and Flomax.  I'm working on changing his diet to eat healthier but what are some words of advice you have to not only deal with his illness but how I can help the most?! I'm struggling as to how to handle his moods, pain-management, depression, and not wanting to eat.  We have our 2nd psychologist appt this Wednesday and hubby mentioned that it might be a good idea for me to join him fo part of the session. 

I know there's no handbook for this but any words of wisdom you can provide would help tremendously!

~AMF67

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1625
Joined: Aug 2009

I don't have any words of wisdom. I can relate. my husband was dx at age 56 with stage 4 colon cancer. At the time, the literature indicated that his survival was about 22 months. He fought his cancer for 6 years before losing that battle in 2009. I hesitated to respond to you because of that loss. We were told from the beginning that his cancer would be "life shortening." On a positive note, I cherish those six years. We made some wonderful memories and became even closer. Obviously, it was not long enough, but then I don't think it is ever long enough. I am glad that you are getting professional help as you go through this time. It's a very hard time for both of you. Your greatest is the loss of your husband. You are already grieving the life you planned because cancer has changed your lives forever. Even if you beat this, the knowledge that cancer can rob you of those plans will stay with you. I was very fortunate that my husband handled his illness with a great deal of grace for the most part. He often told me that he thought my job as caregiver was harder than his. Did he get depressed at times? You bet. Did he become difficult at times? Yep. When he was depressed we often cried together. When he was difficult, I either ignored him or treated him the same way I did before the cancer. I let him know that I wasn't happy with his behavior. I recognized that his anger was at the cancer not at me and reminded him of that. 

 

I doubt that any of this is really helpful. Each of us has to find our own way. Just remember that whatever you do, you are doing the best you can at the time. That is the most you can do. I wish you both a positive new year. I hope you beat this common enemy. Hang in there. The road will be a rocky one. Private message me anytime. Come here for support or just to vent. Fay

stubbysmom
Posts: 9
Joined: Dec 2012

Be your hubby's rock and make time for yourself.  At first it is easy to give your all as a caregiver but as you go on and on it wears on you.  If you take care of yourself as well as him, you can be a stronger person for your hubby.  At least I am hoping that's the way it is.  Another thing, have him try foods he didn't like before because he may now not be able to get enough of them.

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