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trying to find words

VivianLee5689's picture
VivianLee5689
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

I am trying to find something positive to report; however, all I want to do is scream
. I want to yell because I am tired of crying. I don't want my husband to die.

hwt's picture
hwt
Posts: 1854
Joined: Jun 2012

During this hard time, say a little prayer that God gives you the strength to help your husband through this. Thinking of you & David and keeping you in my prayers.
Candi

Tim6003's picture
Tim6003
Posts: 1490
Joined: Nov 2011

I hope you know any of us would if we could. All we can do is continue to hold you both in our prayers, listen to you when you need to scream or show anger, frustration. We too have that at times, and in the past and especially for you at this time.

I know you may be tired of hearing this, but I actually turned your name and David's name into our church "again" today for the prayer team. I wish I could do more, I truly do

We do care, we truly do......

Tim

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3638
Joined: Mar 2012

my heart goes out to you. I wish I had more to offer than just words on a forum, I can only imagine how I'd feel. Just know that we are praying for you and David...you are not alone.

p

Billie67's picture
Billie67
Posts: 834
Joined: Jul 2012

I will continue to pray for both you and David. I'm still praying and keeping faith that treatment is successful and David will have better days. I wish there was much more that I could do for you. I think of you several times a day.
Sending hugs my friend.
Billie

Pam M's picture
Pam M
Posts: 2194
Joined: Nov 2009

Some Days there IS nothing positive to report. Don't feel like you need to give us some good news every day just because you know we'll be pleased.

I was lucky - I could find something good almost all days of treatment. One day, my very best bit was that I had a bowel movement AND it wasn't diarrhea. So, when S*#t is the best part of the day, you might need to re-think your idea of "good". That day, that was good.

I'm like the others - I wish we COULD make a real difference - something more than telling you we want things to go well. I hope you can FEEL the intent behind the words we say.

Do you have a chance to be off by yourself for a little while (parking garage, smoking break) where you can let go and shout, wail or cry softly? I'm sure you feel like you must hide these feelings in the hospital room. It might help a little to vent physically, and not just to us electronically.

VanessaSLO's picture
VanessaSLO
Posts: 280
Joined: Jul 2012

I agree with every one and their words of comfort for you! I think about you and David on daily basis! I keep you in my prayers and all I can add to this is that you're not alone. I know that virtual family/friends is not the same as for real (we can't really hug you) but please know that we're here for you and you can tell us everything!

I know that the biggest pain is to lose a spouse (or child) and nothing can be compared to that. Because we're suppose to live with our loved ones for many years in the future and it is heart breaking to realize that this might not be like that.

I keep praying.. for both of you.. to find comfort and peace.

VanessaSLO's picture
VanessaSLO
Posts: 280
Joined: Jul 2012

I agree with every one and their words of comfort for you! I think about you and David on daily basis! I keep you in my prayers and all I can add to this is that you're not alone. I know that virtual family/friends is not the same as for real (we can't really hug you) but please know that we're here for you and you can tell us everything!

I know that the biggest pain is to lose a spouse (or child) and nothing can be compared to that. Because we're suppose to live with our loved ones for many years in the future and it is heart breaking to realize that this might not be like that.

I keep praying.. for both of you.. to find comfort and peace.

Pumakitty's picture
Pumakitty
Posts: 653
Joined: Mar 2010

Vivian,

I am still praying for you every day. Please know that we are here for you. Love and Hugs.

Kathy

NJShore's picture
NJShore
Posts: 411
Joined: Nov 2012

You have yelled, we could hear you. We cover the US pretty well too!

And we will continue to hear you, and hug you in our hearts... Sending you the energy you need to make it through today..

Let it out, you'll be OK

A big hug,
Kari

luv4lacrosse's picture
luv4lacrosse
Posts: 1382
Joined: Jul 2010

I can relate, I am fighting a recurrance and some days i find faith in the smallest of positive things. Sounds like your hubby is far more sick with his treatment than I, but I was once there with my firt battle, and just try to focus on one good thing that has happened, or one good piece of news and let the rest of the bad stuff go. I say this even though I struggle to find any good with my situation.

I think of you and your hubby every day, and always hold a good thought for you.

Feel free to PM me anytime, and I will try to offer any help or guidance I can.

Hang tough and fight the good fight.

Mike

cureitall66's picture
cureitall66
Posts: 847
Joined: Aug 2012

I'm praying for God to give you peace, Vivian. I know words cannot describe the anguish you are feeling right now. All of us within the H & N forum are here for you to scream, cry, and vent anytime you wish. Please know that we all care very much for you both and wish we could all be there to wrap our arms around you....you are never alone. We will all be there in spirit...and send our prayers of comfort and peace to you.

ToBeGolden's picture
ToBeGolden
Posts: 697
Joined: Aug 2010

You don't need to take care of any of us on this board. Personally, I can get my encouragement from Phrannie, Billie, Tim, and the rest of the gang. This board is for you, whatever little we can do by listening to your very real challenges.

Take care of David as best you can.
Take care of yourself.
Rick.

VivianLee5689's picture
VivianLee5689
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

Ok I have always been the friend to give of my time, resources and encouragement. This new stage of my life is quite uncomfortable. I hate having to accept financial and emotional support from others. I find myself unable to comfort or encourage others as I have always been able to do. In addition to Davids physical health declining it seems that everything else in my life is too.

hwt's picture
hwt
Posts: 1854
Joined: Jun 2012

There is a time to be weak and a time to be strong. You can't always be the strong one. If now is the time for others to be strong, learn to lean on them. The donation from your church congregation was a gesture of love, accept it as such.

hwt's picture
hwt
Posts: 1854
Joined: Jun 2012

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/10/health/a-breakthrough-against-leukemia-using-altered-t-cells.html

cureitall66's picture
cureitall66
Posts: 847
Joined: Aug 2012

hwt,

Thanks for posting this. I saw this last night and felt very inspired by it. I hope Vivian gets a chance to check the link out.

~C

cureitall66's picture
cureitall66
Posts: 847
Joined: Aug 2012

Your nature is still working...You are taking care of David with your comforting words, being there, and loving him...just as you always have been. It's also time for others to help YOU in your time of need, just as you would have done for them. Let them do this...so you can give your time to David and yourself. Keep the faith my friend.

~Cris

NJShore's picture
NJShore
Posts: 411
Joined: Nov 2012

Vivian,

I too am strong, raised two kids from 4 and 6 on my own, was single and beat cancer without a spouse... The hardest thing for me to learn was how to accept help. The best thing you can do to learn, is next time someone tries to help, just say thank you. Look in there eyes, you will find that others who are friends or family, they need to help David too.. And by doing something for you alone, or both of you... They are supporting David too.

I swear it takes a village somedays, since Dan has been ill. And I say thank you, and smile if I can. They beam.

I know it touches my heart, and that when they need me down the road.. I'll be there, hoping they trust me, like I did them.

Good Luck... And when in the bathroom washing your hands... Best place to practice.. Thank you.. It'll grow on you.

Hugs to you sweet girl, Kari

ditto1
Posts: 630
Joined: Mar 2012

no one could indure what you have gone thru, the happiest time of your life has turned i, nto the sadest. But it is not out of line to keep hoping and praying which we can do for you if you are tired / unsure / and just out of prayers. Hang in there Viv were here for you both.

luvofmylif
Posts: 344
Joined: Sep 2012

I know the pain you are in and the how hard things are. You are doing the best you can. It doesn't get any tougher than what you are going through and I would not be as strong as you.

Please remember that by caring for David you are doing God's work but you are human too. If you are like me, you lose it for a while, but then get it together and start the fight again. Be kind to yourself.

Joan

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