Dec 02, 2012 - 10:41 pm
Hi all -
I had mixed feeling about posting this but I need to vent. Does any of you have any family member who uses YOUR situation so he/she can get sympathy from people?
I have a story. This may be controversial as many of you are mothers and probably in a different situation than mine: you have loving relationships with your kids. I don't have the best relationship with my mother. Even after cancer.
My mother and I aren't so close. But we try. I'm now 34.
Recently she cut off all her hair. I never understood why she did that. I asked but her answer was "she didn't want to deal with it anymore". So I left it alone. Just the other day she asked for a wig. So I said I could take her to my hair guy who sold me my beautiful long hair wig when I was first dx. She agreed to do it. Yesterday we went and the guy tried on many different wigs on her. At some point he asked "are you done with treatments yet?" (he assume she was a cancer patient due to her haircut), and she didn't deny it! She didn't say she didn't have cancer!! I was caught off guard so I didn't deny it either (I wish I had). At the moment I didn't understand WHAT and WHY she was doing? At the very end, she tried to negotiate the price of the wig. What cancer patient has the energy to negotiate?! I didn't. I felt so horrible. I couldn't sleep because I was so angry. I am still angry. I called her this morning to ask what her intentions were, but she never answered so I emailed her one question: "Was it your intention to give the wig guy the impression that you had been sick when he asked you if you were in treatment? As you know, he does a lot of volunteer work and other service for cancer patients".And her response was "I just went along with his assumption". DUH! REALLY? Like I didn't notice?! And the worst part is that I was there! I am her daughter and I was dx with the illness at 32. Then right before we left, my guy gives her a long hug. I felt crushed. So now there's a lie between my wig guy and I. I can't do this. I feel like showing up and telling him the truth even if he thinks the worst of me now for not denying it.
I just don't know what is wrong with my mother. You don't have my past history about our relationship but she didn't raise me, her mother did (I miss her everyday, lost her to cancer). And ever since I moved with her - my biological mother- (at the age of 14) it has been hell with only few breaks of heaven. I don't understand what her intentions are and the worst part is she doesn't admit to doing anything wrong (as usual). I refuse to babysit her because I am tired. Is she looking for sympathy from people while using cancer as a tool?
What should I do about my wig guy? How should I approach him? I feel really bad inside.
Thank you all for listening.
P.S. I hate that this was my mother. And most of all, I hate that I am posting about this, but enough is enough, I need to let it all out before it eats me alive.