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Such a terrible week.

HootieGirl's picture
HootieGirl
Posts: 85
Joined: Feb 2011

Hi ladies,

I have been needing to post an update for so long, but I feel like everything that could possibly go wrong does and it is starting to get overwhelming. Not to mention I am just so friggen sad all the time and an emotional roller coaster. This week was just horrible. I finally sucked it up and had a pet scan, even though my dad warned me that it might be too depressing to look at the results. What we found wasn't great. I have about 12 different tumors throughout my body. They're just everywhere. 7 in the lung, 3 in the paraspinus muscle, one massive honker in my right leg, and then one thats eroding into my left sacrum. I was having so much back pain that it was pretty much unmanageable for a while, so we decided to start radiation. They are currently radiating my tumors in my back and the largest lung met (its 7cm) and I have my last treatment tomorrow. Yep, they're treating on a Saturday because they're taking off for Thanksgiving.

Anyway, heres where it gets bad. Last Friday I started experiencing numbness/pressure in my right leg and it was completely impairing my walk. It has now gotten so bad that I have almost no function of my entire limb. It kind of feels like a boa constrictor is squeezing my foot to death and the pressure continues all the way up my leg. Just a lot of pressure and no feeling. Thats why walking is pretty much impossible because I can't feel my foot step down on the floor. So I am now wheelchair bound and dealing with numbness in my entire stomach/back area and it is beginning to start in my left leg as well. Hopefully the radiation will help the numbness in my stomach/left leg, but the right leg is a lost cause. My tumor continues to grow and theres nothing they can do. Its already gotten twice the amount of radiation that you're supposed to give it, so they can't treat it anymore. And unfortunately, because of all of the past radiation, the skin won't stretch and the tumor continues to break through the skin. I've pretty much had an open wound there since August that my angel of a mother changes the bandage on twice a day. Unfortunately we also can't do surgery to remove it because the incision will never heal due to the radiation and I will just get an infection and have to have it amputated either way. Lovely.

As if the good news stops there.. I found out that I have pneumonia in my left lung and a build up of fluid in my right pleura. I had a pleura effusion done on Wednesday and they drained 500 ml of fluid out-pretty nasty. My anemia is out of control right now (hemoglobin is an 8 which is why I'm so exhausted) I also have had a nasty bug all week that has caused vomiting and gas/digestive issues. Want to know how fun it is to be a 21 year old girl laying in bed wearing a diaper having to call out to my mother who's doing dishes in the next room because I have thrown up all over myself and can't get out of bed and into my wheelchair by myself? Ya, thats pretty much what my life looks like right now.

I have just been so so sad lately. It's hard to keep up a fun attitude and live every day enjoying life when my body is physically giving out on me. I think I'm going to start taking my xanax on a regular basis because *****y Kat is not fun to deal with. It just breaks my heart knowing that my family doesn't have a lot of time left with me. I wish so badly that there was something that could be done, but sometimes the Lord has a different plan. I want to enjoy every day and I've said that from the beginning, but it feels like everything is getting really bad really fast and I am so overwhelmed. I am getting over this nasty bug and I am hopeful that once I start feeling a little better, my mood will drastically improve. I just want to take a deep breath and enjoy all of the time that I have. Please continue to keep my family in your prayers. They are so amazing and I hate knowing that I am the cause of so much pain in their lives. My parents are two of the biggest saints I've ever met and they don't deserve this. It truly breaks my heart.

Thank you so much for reading my long scatterbrained rant. I should really just update more often and then they won't be so long. Still praying so hard for all of you ladies facing hard times. I hope you all have an incredible Thanksgiving with your families. Believe it or not, I have so much to be thankful for. I just need to remind myself more often!

Xoxo,
Kat

Megan M's picture
Megan M
Posts: 3001
Joined: Dec 2009

Anyone hear or know anything new about Kat? Scared..

prettywoman513
Posts: 23
Joined: May 2010

I have never met you but i have grown to love you. You are an inspiration to all women, young and old. I wish with everything that i have you did not have to suffer so much. I hope by the time i write this, you will have recovered from the flu. Just wanted you to know how much you are loved by all the ladies on this site.

Kristin N's picture
Kristin N
Posts: 1969
Joined: Mar 2009

There is so much love on this board for you Kat. I hope & pray that you will come on soon to see it and to let all of us know how you're doing. We all love you Kat!

pinkkari09's picture
pinkkari09
Posts: 878
Joined: Sep 2009

If ever I feel the need to feel sorry for myself, I just look at your strength and it inspires me to no end. You are absolutely amazing and I'm SO SO sad that you have to do this and at such a young age. My daughter is 23 and I can't imagine what it would be like, but one thing I do know, a mothers love runs deeper than the ocean, and for never ending miles. As I was reading your post I wanted to climb through the screen and give you a big hug, gentle squeeze that is. My Mom passed away in 07 of lung cancer, I can't tell you how many times I've cried out to her, wishing she were here to hold me and tell me it'll all be ok. I'm sure your Mom wouldn't want to be anywhere else than by your side, as painful as it is to see your babies sick, it's also very humbling and it reminds us of how thankful we need to be for the opportunity to help and make dear Kat feel better. You are ALWAYS in my prayers and I'll pray a little harder for you hoping that you find peace and comfort, and freedom from pain. I'm agreeing with CypressCynthia, and I want you to know that I've recently turned over to Hospice/Palliative care. If you have any questions or want to talk with me about it, Im here just PM me, I'll give you my # if you'd rather talk over the phone. As for now, I'm very happy with hospice, I'm at home, and they are available ALL the time. I feel like this has taken some of the weight off my family/friends. I know they love helping me, but I hate seeing the pain my cancer causes them, just like you, cancer sucks!!! Please take care sweetheart, and you get on here all you want please come rant on and on, we love you!!
Miles of Love,
~Kari

Noel's picture
Noel
Posts: 3101
Joined: Apr 2009

I am sending you more love today Kat and more prayers. Keep posting as we all are worried about you and we all love you so much. You are our hero young one!

Does anyone know anything new?

Hugs and love,

Noel

RozHopkins
Posts: 470
Joined: Dec 2010

Kat I am so sorry for the pain and sadness. I just don't know the words to send to you but believe I and the others feel deeply for what you are going through. Your family must love you dearly, chin up, you are to be admired for your strength.

Clementine_P's picture
Clementine_P
Posts: 367
Joined: Feb 2011

Kat, just a quickie to let you know that you are in my thoughts. Hoping that the past couple of weeks have been easier for you. Sending strength your way.

Best,
Clementine

DianeBC's picture
DianeBC
Posts: 3888
Joined: Jun 2009

I've also been thinking of you and praying.

Hugs, Diane

Clementine_P's picture
Clementine_P
Posts: 367
Joined: Feb 2011

Thinking of you, Kat, and hoping for the best.

Clementine

DebbyM's picture
DebbyM
Posts: 3294
Joined: Oct 2009

Lots of hope, prayers and love!

aysemari's picture
aysemari
Posts: 1590
Joined: Dec 2009

Kat,

your amazing spirit even manages to shine through a hard
posting such as this. I was in tears by the time I got through
reading. Age is not a sondition for cancer but you taught us
neither is courage and grace. At your young age, you have taught
me so much. You are my heroine and nothing can change that. When
ever things get tough I think of you and your never faltering spirit.
I don't think, you need to worry about being a burden to anyone,
especially not your parents. Because in my opinion, you are a gift,
nothing but a very precious gift.

Hugs,
Ayse

Alexis F's picture
Alexis F
Posts: 3604
Joined: May 2009

Bumping up incase Kat might log in

Cinkal's picture
Cinkal
Posts: 161
Joined: Jan 2011

I haven't been on here lately. I just read your post. I am at a loss for words. I am so sorry this is happening to you. You have a beautiful spirit and tremendous courage. I hope you can enjoy the holidays with your family and the doctors can get a handle on your pain.I will be praying for you and your loved ones.

Cindy

sea60's picture
sea60
Posts: 2601
Joined: May 2010

for you Kat! I hope you can let us know how you are.

Love & Hugs to you.

Unhappy
Posts: 88
Joined: Dec 2012

Kat My prays are with you hoping the the best for such a wonderful person.

Grandma X 6
Posts: 120
Joined: Mar 2010

You are such a beautiful strong young Woman it brakes my heart you have to go through all of this. I will be praying for you and your Family. Much Love and Hugs. Cindy

Kylez's picture
Kylez
Posts: 3765
Joined: May 2009

We are missing you Kat and hoping and praying for you with each new day.

Many hugs,

Kylez

Eleanor1's picture
Eleanor1
Posts: 68
Joined: Sep 2012

My prayers to you... Oh how I learn courage just from reading your post! Be strong and you take care.

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