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Depression and Anger

CRoohr's picture
CRoohr
Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2012

I am a 24-year-old Hodgkin's lymphoma stage 4b survivor. I just finished my treatments/stem cell transplant on October 10, 2012. It's been a month since I left the hospital after my transplant and all of a sudden I am feeling very depressed, anxious and just angry. I was pretty fine throughout my whole treatment (which started November 2011). I was very optimistic and I kept my faith. But now it just seems like sadness, loneliness, anger and hopelessness has overcome me. I don't know what to do. I try and talk to my husband about it but he works out of town and hasn't seen me since I left the hospital so it's hard to explain to someone who doesn't see. I lash out for no reason, mostly at my kids, and I feel terrible about it afterwards. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, and I have been eating more, which is making me gain weight, which is making me more unhappy. I have been also experiencing bad headaches and body aches that I think are associated with this depression. I want to exercise but with my body and head hurting all day, I just can't seem to get up the strength to do it. Any suggestions? I know if I tell my doctor at my next visit, she will try and prescribe me an antidepressant. I have tried all different kinds of antidepressants when I was a teenager and I always have bad reactions to them. .. Please help

anliperez915's picture
anliperez915
Posts: 756
Joined: Sep 2011

Hi CRoohr,
I'm also very bad at taking medicine not because I'm allergic but because in the back of my head I'm thinking of the second effects of the medicine. So last year when I got dx, I got very depressed cried all the time...I've never been the type but I just got scared, so I talked to my prymary Doc and told her that I didn't want to take more medicine she sent me to a therapist. I saw her for a couple of months and it really helped! Just being able to tell someone of the fear, anger and everything that you're feeling can be such a relief. I stopped seeing her in Jan. and till this day I feel okay. I haven't reached remission yet but I'm very hopefull! Also coming here and talking to people that have and are going through is extremely helpful...I actually feel like this board is therapy on its own. Please hang in there and come back for support, somebody is usually around to help. Take care

Sincerely,
Liz

P.S. Congratulations on your Remission!

vinny59's picture
vinny59
Posts: 1030
Joined: Nov 2006

Hello, I can so relate to the feelings of depression and anger, I have been through two cancers in my life, I'm currently in remission now for close to two years. I still have activity in my hip bone, that is a watch and wait. Please keep in mind that the drugs that cure us, also hurt us. The tired and achy feelings are all normal symptoms of treatment. You my want to go talk to your oncologist on finding a psychologist that specializes in cancer recovery. Sometimes you just need someone to talk too...... Vinny

Folks24
Posts: 104
Joined: Feb 2007

I am surprised that they didn't tell you the effects of chemo treatment will last awhile and it is different for everyone as to the length. That doesn't mean to ignore it if the oncologist doesn't know but it is a possibility.

I completed B-Cell Large Lymphoma chemo and am on a series of shots and still have the muscle aches and some depression from the chemo treatments. The dr said they do a number with your body and it will take time. I'm very impatient though.

I would definitely let your oncologist know how you are feeling. Also a counselor might help you get over some anger issues. Most companies pay for at least 3-5 sessiona a year.
Good Luck!

jimwins's picture
jimwins
Posts: 2085
Joined: Aug 2011

Welcome CRoohr,

I pretty much agree with what the others have posted so far.
For myself (and probably a lot of us), I was somewhat on "automatic
pilot" during treatment and for awhile after. I think it's a normal self
defense mechanism. After it's all over, many of the emotions and reactions
to everything kind of hit us at once. It's probably similar to post traumatic
stress disorder.

You mention your husband is out of town and perhaps doesn't understand.
Having a cancer diagnosis and treatment can put a big strain on and test
even the best of relationships. I could be wrong but I'm assuming you
have concerns about that too.

Cancer changes us (often for the better I think) and you won't be the
same person you were before. I believe well intentioned friends/relatives think once we've gotten through everything, we should just go back to life as normal - like
we just got over a bad case of the flu. That just isn't the case for most of us.

If you've been feeling this way for a long time, counseling would probably help.
I'd definitely discuss with your cancer team as well as the headaches and pain
which may not have anything to do with depression.

You are also recently out of a major ordeal (stem cell transplant) and you
are still recovering from that. I suspect this has a lot to do with where
you are right now. Do you have someone who can help with the kids and life
so you can have time for yourself and recovery?

I hope you find answers and solutions and you are welcome here anytime.

Hugs,

Jim

NANCYL1
Posts: 263
Joined: Jun 2012

Hi CRoohr:

MOST PEOPLE GO THROUGH DIFFICULT TIMES WELL AND ARE UPSET AFTER SURVIVING THE DIFFICULY.

I think the best thing you can do is see a Psychologist or Psychiatrist to talk this all out.

I was diagnosed early this year with B Cell Lymphoma, Non-Hodgkins. Am on Riltuxan therapy.

Also had cardiac surgery in 2008.

I find that I tend to go through hard times or emergencies very well and then, as happened to you, get anxious/depressed after surviving the difficulty.

I have been seeing a Psychologist, which has been very helpful to me. She is someone who understands what I am saying as opposed to my relatives. She told me that MOST PEOPLE GO THROUGH EMERGENCIES WELL AND THEN GET UPSET AFTERWARDS.

Keep in touch with the folks here.

Sincerely,

Nancy

CRoohr's picture
CRoohr
Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2012

Thanks for all of your suggestions. I think that seeing some sort of psychiatric doctor might help and I am willing to give it a try. I'm just hoping I get out of this rut soon.

vinny59's picture
vinny59
Posts: 1030
Joined: Nov 2006

You will, as they say baby steps! Vinny

LaureenRitchSTL
Posts: 12
Joined: Apr 2012

Hi!! My husband had an allo. transplant on Aug. 2, 2012 & is no where near back to normal! He also has these feelings. You most definitely need to give yourself more time to heal. I agree with everyone else that counseling would be effective!! We were told it could take up to a year to mend. Give yourself time & surround yourself with support. You do have someone helping you with the kids & daily activities, right?

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