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Candy Corn!!!

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? White Pillowcases.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.

Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? [This one is so bad that it's actually quite good!] Bootiques.

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer.

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs around your neck.

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich.

What do you call a witch in the desert? A sandwitch.

What does a vampire fear the most? Tooth decay.

Where did the vampire open his savings account? At a blood bank.

Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.

What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash [!].

What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern? A plumpkin.

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A hoblin goblin.

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party? Because everyone was a goblin!

What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.

Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day? It's good for the bones.

Why don't skeletons like parties? They have no body to dance with.

Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away.

How does a witch tell time? She looks at her witch watch.

What was the witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.

What's the problem with twin witches? You never know which witch is which.

What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice Scream.

What did the mommy ghost say to the baby ghost? Don't spook until you're spoken to.

What did the mummy say to the detective? Lets wrap this case up.

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving? Fasten your sheet belts.

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor? Lemon-slime.

What's a monster's favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet. [See?--they're much more romantic than you'd guess.]

What's a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

Because he didn't have the guts!

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"
_______________________________________________________________________________

Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
_______________________________________________________________________________

For TW;

1. Q - What is a vampire's least favorite meal?
A - Stake !!

2. Q - What do vampires enjoy most about baseball?
A - The bats (and the double-headers)

3. Q - What kind of toothpaste do vampires buy?
A - Ultra-Bite.

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed,wondering what explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a great time!"

garym's picture
garym
Posts: 1651
Joined: Nov 2009

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year old white male, resident of White Plains, NY, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency,and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't" he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail.

Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need".

"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the White Plains police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure" said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Davidson. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin!? Damn...is it midnight already?'"

RichardB63's picture
RichardB63
Posts: 56
Joined: Oct 2012

Gary, I love the jokes.... Thanks for the smiles ...
Happy Halloween
Richard

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