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It's Starting to Really Hit Me She's Gone

Missaydee
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2012

Yesterday marked the 2 month anniversary of my mom's passing and as the time goes on, the void starts to feel bigger. My mom was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer in late 2005 which later metastasized to the bones, liver and then brain. I flew home to spend her final days with her in hospice and it just broke my heart to see her not able to fight anymore. She's always been the pillar of strength in the family, the fighter. I just felt so helpless but her body was too weak to contain the will she had inside. I was there with her when she took her last breath and it was the most precious moment because she just looked so at peace. I find myself this week in particular, replaying the events of that day over and over into head and I'm just overwhelmed with emotion. There's so many changes going on in my life right now that I wish I could share with her and talk to her about. I'm only 25 so I constantly think about all the exciting milestones she won't be here for, like when I get married and when I have children. Most days I'm okay and I get through, but this week has been extremely difficult for me. I guess it'll take time to heal.

Kathylr's picture
Kathylr
Posts: 8
Joined: Apr 2012

You are right, it will take time to heal. The healing is uneven too--good days/weeks then hard ones. As you say, the void seems to grow over the first several weeks, that was my experience when my mother died. I was older than you and married when my mother passed, but still devastated, it seemed impossible she was gone though she had battled cancer for several years.

You say there are things you'd like to share with her, I suggest you go ahead! Since her passing, I've often had the sense that my mother was nearby. I fell into the habit of talking to her as though she were actually here. (I suggest you do this when you are alone :-) In any case talking with her has been a comfort to me, and I've often been left with a peaceful feeling about her. Like the situation isn't great, but we are making do and things are alright. If you are a writer, maybe writing letters to her would have a similar befit to you.

Kathy

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grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

I went to a service not to long ago where the recently widowed wife told me she talked to her husband's picture and the adult children would think she was crazy. I told her we all do that. Yes, I have talked to my husband' picture. I talk to him just when I feel I need to do so. Usually, it is when I know he would be laughing at me or when he would be using his favorite phrase to me in his final years, "Just let it go dear, just let it go." Also, remember that we can share memories of our loved ones with others that helps them "know" those who are no longer with us. We will always grieve for them, but as time goes by our grief mellows. Fay

MamasBoy
Posts: 5
Joined: Oct 2012

What helps me is that I try to remember all the good times I had with my mother; just the times that made her happy, jovial. Something I did on the last day of her viewing was I placed two envelopes in her casket: one envelope was a personal letter to her and the other was full of photos of her with my dad, with me, with my siblings, and even her with her pets. If you're up to it, you can still write her a letter. You could leave it by her tombstone/marker, bury it a little bit, or as some others do, burn it. Don't hold back: put every emotion and thought you want into that letter.

Just a suggestion. Everyone mourns differently. Maybe it won't matter to you, but you do have my deepest condolences. Hang in there, slowly it will get better.

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