Oct 12, 2012 - 10:08 pm
Hi, we just recently found out in August that my mom (age 50) has colon cancer. She went through surgery and we just found out wed that the PET scan showed that the surgeon didnt get it all and theres 2cm left in her cecum right colon area, in her psaos muscle. Also the scan showed some very small nodules in her lung but they didnt light up so her oncologist will look into them more when they scan her after three rounds of chemo. She is a stage 4 and i am completely devestated, im only 30 years old and cannot imagine life without my mommy, shes my best friend shes ALWAYS been there for me nomatter what it was. Shes my Rock, I love her more than i could ever put into words. Im trying very hard to be strong and positive in front of her, but its so hard. I break down whenever im not with her because all i want to do is be right by her side, but i have to work to support my family i have two kids age 3 and 10. My life is like a blur a nightmare right now. I can barely concentrate at work and im cerying my eyes out half the time when im driving alone in my care listening to Klove. My relationship with my husband hasnt been very good either since im not around much, but he needs to understand why. Everyone tells me dont worry shell be okay stop being negetave look at the bright side, or you need to be strong for her and stop being down......well theyre not in this situation and they just dont understand how devestating it is to have this happen to hear your mmom may not be around for your future or to see your children grow up, it hurts so bad, my heart is broken. I cry myself to sleep most nights, im tired all the time.
I just dont understna dhow other than a few mild pains in her lower right stomach and some fevers and throwing up she was never sick, and now all the sudden its stage 4 and lifes turned completely around for our family. I worry so much about her and whats to come. I dont know what to expect from chemo and how sick she will get, i know it affects everyone differently. But also my mom had MS (multiple sclerosis) and she takes avonex shots for it. Her oncologist said that they may have to do things alittle bit differently since she does have this desease. I was wondering if anyone here has any experience with chemo and MS and if they have any advice. My mom is doing alkaline water now and will be able to continue through chemo. Also i dont want to ask prognosis im too scared and i dont want to ask around her either. Theyve already done open surgery and had to leave 2cm tumor in and i just dont know if it can ever be completely cured, or if theres a chance it can be shrunk small enough to not cause any problems and she can have a long life still. I just cant bare the thought of losing her, i feel like i cant breathe and i start shaking all over. Im so sorry this is so long but i really dont have anywhere else I can go and be 100% with my feelings.
I am praying for Gods healing many many times during the day and I believe that only he knows when our time is up and people beat the odds all the time. We have such a great prayer support team right now and it makes things so much better knowing so many people are praying and so many people care about her and that she is in Gods hands. But my heart is still broken and im still in so much pain.