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multiple sclerosis and chemo for colon cancer.......my mommy

clarice16
Posts: 7
Joined: Oct 2012

Hi, we just recently found out in August that my mom (age 50) has colon cancer. She went through surgery and we just found out wed that the PET scan showed that the surgeon didnt get it all and theres 2cm left in her cecum right colon area, in her psaos muscle. Also the scan showed some very small nodules in her lung but they didnt light up so her oncologist will look into them more when they scan her after three rounds of chemo. She is a stage 4 and i am completely devestated, im only 30 years old and cannot imagine life without my mommy, shes my best friend shes ALWAYS been there for me nomatter what it was. Shes my Rock, I love her more than i could ever put into words. Im trying very hard to be strong and positive in front of her, but its so hard. I break down whenever im not with her because all i want to do is be right by her side, but i have to work to support my family i have two kids age 3 and 10. My life is like a blur a nightmare right now. I can barely concentrate at work and im cerying my eyes out half the time when im driving alone in my care listening to Klove. My relationship with my husband hasnt been very good either since im not around much, but he needs to understand why. Everyone tells me dont worry shell be okay stop being negetave look at the bright side, or you need to be strong for her and stop being down......well theyre not in this situation and they just dont understand how devestating it is to have this happen to hear your mmom may not be around for your future or to see your children grow up, it hurts so bad, my heart is broken. I cry myself to sleep most nights, im tired all the time.

I just dont understna dhow other than a few mild pains in her lower right stomach and some fevers and throwing up she was never sick, and now all the sudden its stage 4 and lifes turned completely around for our family. I worry so much about her and whats to come. I dont know what to expect from chemo and how sick she will get, i know it affects everyone differently. But also my mom had MS (multiple sclerosis) and she takes avonex shots for it. Her oncologist said that they may have to do things alittle bit differently since she does have this desease. I was wondering if anyone here has any experience with chemo and MS and if they have any advice. My mom is doing alkaline water now and will be able to continue through chemo. Also i dont want to ask prognosis im too scared and i dont want to ask around her either. Theyve already done open surgery and had to leave 2cm tumor in and i just dont know if it can ever be completely cured, or if theres a chance it can be shrunk small enough to not cause any problems and she can have a long life still. I just cant bare the thought of losing her, i feel like i cant breathe and i start shaking all over. Im so sorry this is so long but i really dont have anywhere else I can go and be 100% with my feelings.

I am praying for Gods healing many many times during the day and I believe that only he knows when our time is up and people beat the odds all the time. We have such a great prayer support team right now and it makes things so much better knowing so many people are praying and so many people care about her and that she is in Gods hands. But my heart is still broken and im still in so much pain.

Safewaychick's picture
Safewaychick
Posts: 15
Joined: Oct 2012

i very much understand what your going through.. my mom was just recently diagnose with rectal...
i know how devastating it can be to hear that your mother will not be around to watch your children grow up, or to just be there through your life.
i'm 28, no children as of yet.. but i also have no father to walk me down the aisle, or possibly a mother to watch me get married, or share the joys of having grandchildren..
so i would consider your self lucky, and to see the positive side of things...
just be strong for yourself, your family, and your mother.

the people here in this forum have been awesomely supportive, continue writing...even that helps

clarice16
Posts: 7
Joined: Oct 2012

Thank you so much for your thoughts it means alot to know that i can talk to someone who is going through the same thing. My friends try to support me as much as they can but they just dont understnad where im at and how hard it really is.

My dad has chose not to be in my life so i too have only my mom. My grrandpa was the closest to a da ive had and he passed away feb 2010 from pancreatic cancer. It was very tough.

Has your mom had treatment yet? were they able to do surgery? what stage is she?

Im also here for you if you ever need to talk, Its a very hard thing were going through and its nice to have someone who understands.

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 2962
Joined: Jan 2010

Hi Clarice, no problem about long posts here. You are welcome to put it all out there. We understand.

You are right that it is difficult to go from "normal" status to stage 4 in the blink of an eye, but unfortunately that is the way it happens some times. Your mom's situation is definately more complex because of the MS. I don't recall having seen any discussion about that combination.

Are you your mom's primary care giver? It will also help to know where in this big world you are from, as we have a very international group here and experiences can differ by country.

I think it would be helpful if your mom could get a team assembled made up of not only doc's dealing with the cancer but also the MS. It will be vital that they communicate and agree about treatment options. It should not be left up to the patient to carry info from one to the other.

Now as to your situation. Yes, it is very difficult to have a loved one diagnosed with cancer. The world as we knew it is changed forever, but you cannot allow it mess up the rest of your life commitments. To see that happen would definately not be a benifit to your mom. Do not let your days be consumed with thinking about her death. Be her Rock now and spend your time making the best you can of your life, and giving her loving support. Death comes to every thing which has life. When is not known.

You are welcome here to vent, cry, be angry or just ask for emotional support. But in the rest of your life you must pull it together and live. That is what your mom would want.

Information and understanding are key to feeling more in control regarding cancer. Ask any questions which come to mind, and someone here will likely have some experience or knowledge about it.

Take care of you, your family and mom. Come back often and always feel welcome.

Hugs,

Marie who loves kitties

clarice16
Posts: 7
Joined: Oct 2012

thank you Lovekitties like i said its so nice that i found this forum and am able to communicate with others who do understand. It really helps alot. Me and my grandma are her caregivers, since my grandma is retired and lost her husband in 2010 from pancreatic cancer shes able to give my mom her full support and help. I am there every chance i get and have been able to go to all her appointments so far. I want to be there through it all to show my love and support.

She has kaiser and im not sure others experiences with them but theyre a hard one to work with becasue it always seems like the drs never communicate with egother, the surgeon and the oncologist,l the primary and the oncologist. It seems like we as the family have to do all the calling and all the communications its very very draining. We have thought about a second opinion but it would just be another oncologist through kaiser and my mom feels kindaa like its helpless to do that becasue they would just do the same thing as the other, but i feel like its necessary.

Im living day to day as everyday every minute every second is a gift. I want to spend as much time with her as possible and my kids with her as much as possible. My 10 year old daughter is very very close to my mom as well. They do so much together...i cant imagine being her age and going through this, as im 30 and its devestating.

thanks you again for your support

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 2962
Joined: Jan 2010

While I never had Kaiser, family members did, and I understand what you are saying about their way of handling things.

That said, your mom as the patient is entitled to good coordinated care for both issues. If you don't feel she is getting that, there must be some review board you can complain to. Now is not the time to be shy about making waves.

I understand the desire to spend as much time as you can with her, but your husband and children need to have you outside the cancer world too. It is hard to balance but you have to try. Perhaps setting particular days of the week aside to spend time with your family to be together doing a movie night at home, a short day trip somewhere, whatever.

They need you too.

Marie who loves kitties

clarice16
Posts: 7
Joined: Oct 2012

I am going to talk to her surgeon that did the coectomy when we meet with him for the first time after surgery on tuesday and bring up everything that has come up and the face about the MS and the chemo.

Yes my husband and childrentdo deserve me as well so i will set time aside for them so we can still be a family.

Thanks

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