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Feeling worse the second year

wiveliscombe
Posts: 47
Joined: Feb 2010

My husband of 38 years passed away in Feb. 2011 from stomach cancer. The first year was very difficult as it is for all of us but I was allowing myself to go through the grieving journey. Then in April of 2012 I was diagnosed with anal cancer. This brought back so many memories of my husbands fight with cancer and I was scared having to go through this on my own. I started the treatment which is pretty brutal but had a very bad reaction to the chemo that I almost did not make it. Went into septic shock but after a stay in the ICU I made it. When I got home I felt a sort of peace came over me and I finally felt that I had accepted losing my husband and would be OK. I continued my treatment only radiation I wasn't going to take chemo again (my husband had also had a bad reaction to the chemo and was sepsis had to have his colon removed as a result so needless to stay I am wary of chemo) I was very positive through out my treatment and after it was over I then took a trip home to England. I had lost my mum 6 months before losing my husband but wasn't able to go be with her as I was taking care of my husband so this was the first time I had been back, it was a very emotional trip for me but I needed to make it. Anyway I made it and then on my return had my first check up with dr and everything looks alright so far. I would think I should be feeling happier but I am feeling as bad as I did in the first year of my grief. Has anyone felt like this in the second year, I thought I would continue to feel better and don't know how to deal with these sad feelings again now?
Thanks Louise

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

My husband died in June 2010. I heard the second year is worse that the first, but could not imagine that to be true. In some ways it was worse. The first year family and friends are more attentive, you are caught up in estate issues and legal issues. The second year the loneliness sets in. People return to their lives, all the estate issues have been dealt with. You realize that this is it...this is your "new" life and it stinks. Sorry, I know I sound like a real downer. I spend so much time trying to fill my time. There are good stretches and stretches I feel like I will lose my mind. I am entering the third year and things are a little better. You adapt. As you know, you cannot rush the grieving process. Things will get better as time is the healer. Have to believe that.

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