Oct 01, 2012 - 11:36 am
My husband of 38 years passed away in Feb. 2011 from stomach cancer. The first year was very difficult as it is for all of us but I was allowing myself to go through the grieving journey. Then in April of 2012 I was diagnosed with anal cancer. This brought back so many memories of my husbands fight with cancer and I was scared having to go through this on my own. I started the treatment which is pretty brutal but had a very bad reaction to the chemo that I almost did not make it. Went into septic shock but after a stay in the ICU I made it. When I got home I felt a sort of peace came over me and I finally felt that I had accepted losing my husband and would be OK. I continued my treatment only radiation I wasn't going to take chemo again (my husband had also had a bad reaction to the chemo and was sepsis had to have his colon removed as a result so needless to stay I am wary of chemo) I was very positive through out my treatment and after it was over I then took a trip home to England. I had lost my mum 6 months before losing my husband but wasn't able to go be with her as I was taking care of my husband so this was the first time I had been back, it was a very emotional trip for me but I needed to make it. Anyway I made it and then on my return had my first check up with dr and everything looks alright so far. I would think I should be feeling happier but I am feeling as bad as I did in the first year of my grief. Has anyone felt like this in the second year, I thought I would continue to feel better and don't know how to deal with these sad feelings again now?