CSN Login
Members Online: 7

How to handle dating and breast cancer

lizzib4u2
Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2012

I am single and had to have trans flap reconstruction this past year. This was my second time I have had a reaccurance of breast cancer. I have a lot of scars now and a breast that does not quite look right. This procedure has taken a toll on my self esteem. How to I overcome it and how to tell someone about it?

GMcD
Posts: 132
Joined: Oct 2011

Hi. I had a lumpectomy and one breast looks VERY different from the other. I am almost 60 and divorced and the relationship I was in during my treatment ended last year. I have done some dating but nothing serious enough that I felt I had to tell of my " differene". I think you will know when the time is right and when you are with someone you trust to understand. I'm happy you are doing so well with your health.

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5520
Joined: Oct 2010

no advice I am married (27 yrs)-lumpectomy...
but like posting said you will know the right time and it will also see how sincere the person is in regards to "YOU"...

i wish you the best..

Denise

hope4thebest's picture
hope4thebest
Posts: 108
Joined: Aug 2012

Hi,
Just wanted to share that I have done some research and field work on this subject. My experience tells me that it seems best to disclose within the first few dates. That's how I would want to be treated, at least. Most of my friends tell me not to say anything to my date, but see if there is chemistry first. However, I think that it is a case by case basis.

In the past, I have said simply that I am a breast cancer survivor. (thinking that they would want to know the details, but they usually do not, so it may be alot easier than it seems.) I miss my confidence so have stopped dating until I have it back.
BC is a good radar as it eliminates the weak ones right away.

GMcD
Posts: 132
Joined: Oct 2011

I agree with hope4the best, if you are with someone who isn't one of the weak ones, I feel I would want to tell within the first few dates...I wouldn't tell someone I hardly know that I have nasty stretch marks or about my meds for anxiety and depression but as I feel comfortable I would be more than willing to talk about my breast cancer as I am proud to be a survivor and to have such a great sister,( and brother ) hood around me that I would want to be the picky one.

GMcD
Posts: 132
Joined: Oct 2011

I agree with hope4the best, if you are with someone who isn't one of the weak ones, I feel I would want to tell within the first few dates...I wouldn't tell someone I hardly know that I have nasty stretch marks or about my meds for anxiety and depression but as I feel comfortable I would be more than willing to talk about my breast cancer as I am proud to be a survivor and to have such a great sister,( and brother ) hood around me that I would want to be the picky one.

cinnamonsmile
Posts: 1062
Joined: Dec 2010

I guess I am one of them that thinks to not tell all on the first few dates (unless you plan on getting naked right away),
I used to watch a show called Millionaire Match Maker. Patty was excellent at giving dating advice. One of the suggestions she had was to not give out all your hardships right away. These people were millionaires and even the gold diggers would turn them down (men and women).
Good people could be scared off right away if you tell them all your bad stuff. Case in point, my now significant other. I didn't tell him right away that I have an incurable STD.I let him get to know me and then told me.He is the perfect man for me. He was and is so wonderfully thoughtful and caring. (four months after we met I found the cancerous lump). While we were talking about the STD, he told me that had I told him right away, he probably would not have agreed to meet me in person, and that he was glad I waited.

I think that is too much information to give a person on the first date. If they choose not to see you anymore, it may not be that they are weak and can't handle it. They don't know you, don't know how special you are.All they see is a woman with cancer. Even friends and family some times can't handle cancer.How can we expect someone we just met?

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network