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Dads surgery in the morning, advice needed on what to say

gemma4342
Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2012

my dad is having a esophagectomy in less than 8 hours and I am an emotional wreck. I went to see him this afternoon for a few hours and didnt want to leave, all that was going through my mind is what if this is the last time I see him (horrible I know) it has just got all real to me that he may not survive surgery and ive spent the 5 hours since I left his crying.
He told me he would be happy if he died tomorrow as he has done and got everything he wanted in life, he doesnt come accross the slightest bit scared or worried.

However I think I may have said something really selfish. when he said hes done everything he wanted to do in life I replied you havent walked me down the aisle, which brought a slight tear to his eye then he said I will have to survive now 'i promise'.
Then the guilt set in about an hour ago, he was going to go into surgery with the outlook of 'what will be will be, if I die at least ive done and seen what I wanted'
Instead hes going to be thinking I havent seen my little girl on her wedding day.

anyway my question is what should I say when I ring him before he goes in, I dont know whether to speak to him like its the last time and tell him how much I love him and that he is truly my hero and I am so proud of how he has dealt with everything.
Or should I say a good luck, I will see you in a couple of days type call.

sorry for any spelling mistakes I havent slept in days and my eyes are so puffy I can hardly see.

Amjosmom's picture
Amjosmom
Posts: 231
Joined: Jun 2012

That's just my opinion. What would it hurt to tell him all that stuff everyday? My dad is my hero. I love him more today than yesterday. I'm proud to be his daughter today, tomorrow, forever. I will love him out loud or quiet. I will know that if he isn't here physically, that he will be there in my heart. He will be in a brand new body without cancer and a big smile will be on his face.

Don't let fear of death destroy the gift of being able to say, "I love you and I am putting you in God's hands. I know I will see you again."

I will be praying that you find comfort and relief. Fight hard, but surrender completely to God's will.

~Jayme

paul61's picture
paul61
Posts: 1106
Joined: Apr 2010

As someone who has been through the surgery it sounds to me like your Dad has the right attitude. We can't control the outcome in these things but with a competent surgeon and appropriate after care we do recover and go on to enjoy life.

I would suggest you tell your Dad what you would tell him if you knew it was the last time you were going to speak to him, because, even without cancer and surgery, we never really know at any time if we will see each other again.

Then tell him that you are sure everything will be fine and that you will be anxious to talk to him when he wakes up from surgery.

Best Regards,

Paul Adams
Grand Blanc, Michigan

DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
Two year survivor

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!

tmcjay's picture
tmcjay
Posts: 40
Joined: Jun 2012

Having had surgery myself as well, I agree 100 % with Paul. There is no harm in telling your Dad you love him, all of us parents need to hear that, especially when headed for very serious surgery, but assume he is going to be fine. Many people have this surgery, many on this site, and we survived and then thrived. Wishing your Dad the best of luck and a speedy recovery.

Tracy
T3N1M0
Surgery August 5, 2011.

lenlee65
Posts: 47
Joined: Aug 2012

As Tracy said many of us have had this surgery, made it thru and are now living productive lives. I like to tell people to live as if this is the First and Last day of your life. Don't hold back your feelings, tell your Dad how you feel, he deserves to know. By this time the surgery is probably over and I hope he is doing fine. Keep us posted as to how he is doing, let him know we are all pulling for him.

GerryS's picture
GerryS
Posts: 238
Joined: Aug 2010

Your dad know you love him, just continue to tell him. My 4 children were at my side before and after surgery. Just be there for him when you can. I survived the surgery and we continue to share our thoughts with each other. God Bless....

Gerry

prettywoman513
Posts: 23
Joined: May 2010

You did not say anything wrong to your dad. He knows what you meant and how much you love him. As for surgery, i hope you told him how much you love him and what a wonderful dad he is.

All parents want to hear that, regardless of the circumstances. Your daddy is very lucky have you.

jaycc
Posts: 130
Joined: Jul 2012

Try to be easy on yourself. Your wedding day is a way of saying , I love you. My daughter had a similar conversation with my husband.

"I love you" is a wonderful sentence. Say it as many ways as you can. even if he is starting to dose off in the prep room. Say it again in your mind while he is in surgery, he will hear you, because father and daughter have a special bond, stronger than any cancer.

Prayers and hugs are with you.

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