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dating dilemma,im wondering if anyone....

Heidi916's picture
Heidi916
Posts: 2
Joined: Dec 2011

Hello.

Im 28yrs old,and i recently lost my mom to cancer in febuary.we were all shocked because it was so sudden,and have all been dealing with our grief the best we can. Part of My issue is this-the boyfriend i am currently with will be the last one who will ever meet my mother.this devestates me. We dont seem to be working out,but i think i may be clinging to him because of the fact that if i dump him and move on,that i will no longer be able to bring the next beau to meet my mom for her approval. Part of my issue is that when she was after she passed,we found she had wrote us all letters.in mine she asked me to settle down and start a family. This is something i want anyways,but ofcourse id be happy to fulfill her wishes.

Lastly, part of the issue is my mother told my current boyfriend to "take good care of me",and he said one night when we were drinking,that he'd be too afraid to break up with me,because he thinks my mother will haunt and curse him from beyond.(yes he is serious)
im wondering if anyone else has been in a similiar situation,where they were afraid to move on because of a deceased loved ones wishes?how did you cope? Thankyou.

david54
Posts: 115
Joined: Apr 2009

Hello Heidi-

I am old enough to be your father so I am not sure if I can answer your question with a degree of authority but as a parent I would want you to be happy and make decisions that you are happy with-that would be very important after I died.
The goal of parent is to teach their children to make healthy decisions about relationships- I can only speak from my own experience that if you were my daughter I would want you to be happy. What were your mother’s values? I cannot speak for your mom but I think she would want anyone you have a relationship with to love you unconditionally and treat you with respect, and help you grow into the person you want to be, not what he (whoever that will be) expects. Make sense? When you find that person you will know your mother approves, she will have done her job well!

PS It’s pretty early since you lost your mom-give it time. Grieving process is an arduous progression and you deserve to rest and have some fun too.

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