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Young wife recently passed away

ViewSonic
Posts: 17
Joined: Nov 2010

My wife, 31 y/o, with Stage IV NSCLC adenocarcinoma ALK+ passed away recently. Crizotinib/Xalkori stopped working after 9 months. She was at home under hospice care after the docs stopped all treatments. She fought for 20 months and wanted to live so bad for our 3 kids, however it was just too much during the last couple months. I held her hand and watched as she took her last breath.

dennycee
Posts: 686
Joined: Mar 2011

So sorry for your loss. Man, it hurts every time we loose someone but this is beyond words. I pray that you and your children find peace.

z's picture
z
Posts: 1273
Joined: May 2009

I am so sorry for your familys loss of your wife and their mom. I am sending my thoghts and prayers. Lori

kado4
Posts: 80
Joined: Jul 2011

I am very sorry to hear of your wife's passing. I will pray for you and your children, that you will find peace in all of this.She was a great fighter.My dad has Stage IV NSCLC.I worry every day.

Ex_Rock_n_Roller's picture
Ex_Rock_n_Roller
Posts: 276
Joined: Mar 2011

We just lost my wife's college roommate and best friend for 35 years, kids involved there, also. All you can do is know that you supported her the best way you knew how, and keep the memories green.

catcon49's picture
catcon49
Posts: 388
Joined: Aug 2008

It is always difficult to lose someone we love. Especially hard when they are young with small children. I wish I had some magical words that would take the hurting away and make things easier for your family, but there are none. So very sorry for your loss. Stay strong. Your children will need you, to tell them all about their mom.

Cathy

catcon49's picture
catcon49
Posts: 388
Joined: Aug 2008

It is always difficult to lose someone we love. Especially hard when they are young with small children. I wish I had some magical words that would take the hurting away and make things easier for your family, but there are none. So very sorry for your loss. Stay strong. Your children will need you, to tell them all about their mom.

Cathy

catcon49's picture
catcon49
Posts: 388
Joined: Aug 2008

It is always difficult to lose someone we love. Especially hard when they are young with small children. I wish I had some magical words that would take the hurting away and make things easier for your family, but there are none. So very sorry for your loss. Stay strong. Your children will need you, to tell them all about their mom.

Cathy

catcon49's picture
catcon49
Posts: 388
Joined: Aug 2008

It is always difficult to lose someone we love. Especially hard when they are young with small children. I wish I had some magical words that would take the hurting away and make things easier for your family, but there are none. So very sorry for your loss. Stay strong. Your children will need you, to tell them all about their mom.

Cathy

KLScoville's picture
KLScoville
Posts: 161
Joined: Mar 2011

so sorry Sonic, I pray that God will give you peace and comfort at this time. November 14th will mark one year since Mark's passing. It has been a very difficult year for me with him no longer here.

Big hugs from me to you!!!

Take care,
Kelly S
wife/widow of Mark Scoville NSCLC w/mets
RIP my love 11/14/2011

jln
Posts: 7
Joined: Jul 2012

She was only 55. She had the same Stage 4 NSCLC. She held her faith and hope that she was going to beat it. She showed more courage and strength than I did through the entire ordeal. We got our second opinion from Duke which prompt us to transition from the local health standard treatment approach to the cutting edge technology and the "we can do it" attitude by the Duke community.

Just as our return to Duke was pending, my wife took a sudden turn with steroid psychosis. Just before the night of her emergency room visit for psychosis, I caught her taking the wrong meds. I am at lost as to why the oncologists did not counsel or involve me that my wife was going to suffering from "chemobrain" and be very forgetful. If I would have been put on alert or counseled, this could have well been preventable. But no, we were denied that opportunity to make a difference. Instead they had to wean her off the steroids to restore her mindset at the expense of letting the cancer grow again aggressively. No counseling by the doctors to alert us that this was going to happen.

Add insult to injury, the hospital doctors and oncologists decided to install a metaport into my wife to have it on standby for chemo. But a sepsis infection set in and that ended that. This route of chemo contradicted the Duke doctors who said they would recourse to pill form chemo which they said was going to be effective. The local doctors didn't even return the request by the Duke doctors for a consultation to further discuss this option. So compound the preventable pyschosis and the poor decision to install a metaport. They sent home my wife with a raging infection, fever and runaway cancer growth that eventually ended her life.

Add more insult to injury, the cancer was eating through her hip bone, causing her great pain. When the local hospital discharge her, they ordered up a medical tranport team that brought in a hard plastic stretcher that is commonly used in battlefield combat. My wife screamed in pain because the hospital staff did not properly advise the medical transport team that she was enduring a painful bone condition. Instead, I had to instruct the medical transport team to fashion a cushion pad on the stretcher to make it tolerable for my wife. The sight and sound of my semi conscious wife on that stretcher still causes me to have nightmares. Her pain and suffering could have been limited.

In hindsight, I saw the local doctors not thinking or networking right, making bad decisions that eventually claimed my wife's life. In the words of the Duke doctors, they were going to carefully undertake certain procedures that would have brought my wife additional time, even encouraging her that she could well live beyond their expectations because of her age and other low risk factors. Now I am fighting the guilt trip that we should have gone straight to Duke or another specialized center rather than to chance our luck with the standard treatment approach that the local area favors. My whole life has been destroyed by the loss of my wife.

carenj's picture
carenj
Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2013

i cant help you to resolve what has happened in the past. What I do know is that harboring grudges is more destructive than any cancer. If you feed it, and dwell on it , it will be like taking poison and waiting for the persons you resent to die. you will only be killing yourself. Your whole life to this point, and your dreams have been destroyed. it is not easy, but it is worth it to find a new dream. that is what she would have wanted for you isnt it? I am working on that very thing right now. i chose not to have chemo and stopped radiation and now some family members have withdrawn their support. they are not even talking to me. it hurts. but they are alive. you have my sympathy. i lost a son 17 years ago due to situations way beyond my control. dealing with my loss , and the reactions of my pther kids and the rest of the family has taken a lot of patience, insight and wisdom. this doesnt come overnight. as I said. you have my sympathy. it may not seem worth much to you right now. but it is at least knowing someone cares. i dont know how long i will be able to have internet access, but i though this was an imp;ortant message to get out to you.

 

BarbaraDe
Posts: 18
Joined: Oct 2013

I am so sorry for your loss and for the loss your children are going through.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time.  May the happy memories you all share help you through this challenging time and bring you some happiness.  Share stories with your children of how you and your wife met, how you fell in love, and how much she loved her children.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Barbara

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