Jul 06, 2012 - 5:02 am
Once again I don't know where to start. It's 1:30 am and I'm one-finger typing on my iPhone in the dark in my recliner in David's room. So bone-weary and exhausted.
We have been out of the hospital one week as of today. David had developed another abscess in a very sensitive place---between his front and his butt. He also had shingles all around his eye and he was in excruciating pain. We went to ER per OHSU's direction and they aspirated the abscess first and then had to do a procedure where they made a large drainage hole. That has also been excruciating for David. During that stay, lots happened and I was a total mess, crying so hard, meeting with David and pallaitive care drs, talking to David about his death....I don't have the ability to adequately express the mental agony I felt during this last hospital stay. We were discharged on Thursday. My daughter's wedding was that Saturday. So incredibly difficult and sad. David was too sick to go to the wedding.
I am back to dressing and packing David's abscess wound many times each day. David is recovering from the abscess and the shingles pretty well, but his overall status is terrible and it's breaking my heart. He is totally incontinent, totally bedridden. Talking is too hard for him. I have to feed him---it's too hard for him to lift silverware to his face. He has a terrible time swallowing pills and food. We had an MRI done and it showed that his overall mass effect was "significantly improved" and that he had noticeable reduction of tumor load. But he also had a "significant brain hematoma." A brain bleed. It's at least four to five weeks old. Our NO says its very difficult to find the correlation when David started to go downhill and when that bleed occurred. So no more Avastin for David. He's really upset about not being able to take it, especially since we had that favorable MRI.
There's so much more that I just am not up to writing---not major stuff but significant details. I'm just too tired to write it or even think about it.
I don't think I will post here in the "brain tumor" section any more. I am going to move to the Caretakers and the Emotional Support boards. I've felt really selfish and guilty about posting devastating updates on this area because there's too many people battling and coming to this site for encouragement and hope, and I don't want to make it harder for them. I'll still lurk and post here occasionally, but they will be safe, generic posts. So if you want to know how David is doung, please look for me on the Caretakers page. And I'll still comment every once in a while on the brain cancer wall. There are so many of you who have been so supportive and who have prayed and encouraged me...I want to stay in touch with you.
Love and blessings, always.....