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I'm here wit my mom who has stage 4 triple negative breast cancer and is now on hospice... feeling so sad to be watching her die

jennal24
Posts: 8
Joined: Jun 2012

Well I haven't been on here in a couple days but I am now in Florida with my family. My mom is 56 years young and has been fighting stage 4 breast cancer for the past 2 years. At the moment she is still in the hospital but we are bringing her home next monday with hospice care. She is so frail, barely eating and so weak she can not get out of her hospital bed. Her doctor ordered her a special air bed so she does not get bed sores since she can not get up anymore. I try and get her to take a few bites of food when I visit her at the hospital but she just does not want to eat any longer. She does drink boosts and is semi-coherent. I have a 22 month old daughter and I am 28 years old. I have 3 baby sisters 13, 15, and 18. I know much of the care taking once my mom is home will be on me and my step father, whom I call dad, since we already are aware of what is going to happen and all the ugliness this disease will bring her in her final weeks and days. My heart is heavy and I am so terrified and anxious and hurt by having to watch my beautiful mother die. I am so thankful I got to give her a grand daughter before she was so sick, my daughter always makes her so happy, even now that she is bed ridden. I don't really know where to go from here and my sisters cry to me on a daily basis. They thought she would just come home from the hospital and be fine like every other time. Except now she will not be fine, she's not getting better and she can not even get chemo anymore due to her being so weak. The doctor said chemo will kill her faster then her cancer will. I am crying myself to sleep every night and I go into the bathroom to cry with the water on so my sisters do not hear me. I feel awful and I'm trying to hold it together but how can i?? I am about to lose my best friend, my hero, my rock... I am so angry and sad all at the same time!! I wish I could say I know I will be okay but I feel like I will never be okay and this pain is unbearable... Thanks for listening and any words of encouragement or help on what to expect once my mom is home would be amazing!!! Thanks...

Jenna

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

Hospice will help you,and your whole family. In addition to nurses they usually have a social worker who understands what you are all going through. I know my granddaughters were offered some programs strictly for teens. It is not too soon to call them and ask for help. The 24/7 phone line is also good. Hospice is good at managing pain. I am sorry your family is going through this. You have already begun to grieve. This is not the life you expected. Don't try to be too strong. It's ok to cry with your sisters. Yes, they look to you for strength, but they know you are hurting, too. Try reminiscing with your mother. Share the good things you remember. Also, you may think you are ready for what comes next, but you really aren't. Take care of yourself, too.

jennal24
Posts: 8
Joined: Jun 2012

I am not ready for what is to come... I don't want my mother to die and I hate seeing her so sick... Yesterday when we were visiting her in the hospital I was helping my mom get situated in her bed and I felt her massive tumor that goes from her her chest down to her abdomen... It was hard and I could tell this is what is causing her pain... My mother told me she could not make bowel movements anymore but she did leak a little bowel in her diapers sometimes when the nurses changed her... This is why she does not want to eat and she does not want the medication to help her with the constipation because she said it hurts her to much... and that is just the big tumor she has several throughout her body... It is amazing though that while we were visiting her and she was awake she was smiling and even took a picture with me and was smiling... Her eyes were closed but that didn't matter to me in that moment through all her pain I could see genuine happiness on her face just to be next to me... I have a couple tattoos and I suggested to her that I get one for her very soon so she can see it and her face just lit up with excitement and she said "ya know I always wanted a tattoo"... At this point I would give my entire body to just make her better... But I can't make her better and I can't fix her and I can't take her cancer away... All I can do is make her smile and hold her and do her nails and toes and put lotion on her and tell her how beautiful she is... I am so sad and know this is only going to become harder and more unbearable to cope with... Trying to stay strong but I will take your advice and talk to hospice about getting counseling for me and maybe my sisters... Thanks for your advice and support! I need all the support I can get right now!!

Hugs
Jenna

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