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I'm Not Angry

virtual_voyager
Posts: 34
Joined: Jun 2010

...I'M MAD AS HELL ! ! ! ! !

Life has become nothing more than a zombie existence. Try as I might to go about living like she would want me to, I cannot stop thinking of how wrong it is that she died so young.

Drunks survive horrendous accidents, drug dealers survive multiple gunshots, overdoses, etc, etc.

No, I'm not angry and to say I'M MAD AS HELL is an understatement.

Nothing makes sense anymore. Trying so hard to care when I don't giver a damn about anything. All that I do is simply out of necessity.

WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?

....and I'm SICK of hearing about God's plan.

Ecclesiastes 9:11
I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

CHANCE? A roll of the dice. Winners and losers made by time passing. What a concept for intelligent design. So, no matter what you do, how good or bad you live your life it's nothing but a game of chance.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

Anger helps us survive. You do need to move beyond it but only when you are ready. I taught my sons that life isn't fair, and it isn't. We keep thinking it should be, but it isn't. I didn't realize how often I said that until one of my sons started telling his children, "Life isn't fair; ask grandmafay." I can't explain why and won't try. Just know that we are here and you are welcome to vent any time. At some point you may want to find a grief group or a counselor to help you move beyond the anger. The hurt won't ever go away, but it can mellow if you let it. It is ok to be mad at God, too. He can take it. Hugs, Fay

Cindy Bear
Posts: 560
Joined: Jul 2009

I hear you. I was mad as hell, now I'm more sad than mad. Lost my mom to uterine cancer in 09. My FIL and BIL in 2010 (one to sudden heart attack, one to cancer) It's true life isn't fair, but that pisses me off. Why isn't life fair? Is God playing favorites?
I know everyone has their crosses to bear, but when I see people living into their 80's, 90
s and even to 100.. I think why? Why are my mom and dad both gone? One at 69, one at 79? this so effin sucks.. Anger kept me going at first, it was my lifeline, my rope, I used it as a fuel to get through the last few years. I have very slowly, started to let go of that anger. I too am mad at God...and like grandma Fay says that's okay. It's okay to be angry, it's okay to be mad at God. I think anger is just a very necessary and even healthy part of grieving. You don't forget but in time you and I will learn to forgive life for being so damn awful unfair.

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