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Got my results...

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1270
Joined: Jun 2010

I emailed my onc and she emailed me back that the results had gone to the NP that ordered the test. I don't know why she didn't call me.

I have a 4.6 x 2.6 tumor near my liver. She said she needed to discuss with surgeon but he probably won't want to go in so I most likely will have carbo/taxol like I did initially before my debulking surgery.

Damn!

I kept a stiff upper lip when I told my mom and my son but that is what really breaks my heart about this. I hate putting them through this again.

Thank you all for your support and kindness. It looks like I'll have to put the big-girl panties back on.

Karen

debrajo's picture
debrajo
Posts: 772
Joined: Sep 2011

Hi Karen, I'm from the UPSC board, but I have been following your story. I'm a nite owl so I thought I'd let you know to nite before the other ladies come on that I am so sorry that you have to start all over again and for what your mother and son must be feeling. I have not had a recurrence, but can only imagine it must be harder than the original dx! You know you are not alone. I will be up most nights if you can't sleep and want to talk. Try to rest...this is just another beginning! Best, debrajo

lovesanimals's picture
lovesanimals
Posts: 1251
Joined: Sep 2011

Karen, I am so, so sorry you have to go through this again. You know we are here to support you in any way we can and will cheer you on as you put on your big-girl panties and kick cancer's butt! You can do it!

Sending you prayers and lots of hugs,

Kelly

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1270
Joined: Jun 2010

for responding. Once I told the people in my life, I couldn't wait to come to the board for the support I need. I have to be strong for my family but I need all of your strength for the next part of this journey. I am very scared. The first time around I was so sick, I didn't have a lot of time to be scared. It was shock and then quickly into treatment and all that involves. But this time I feel so good and yet this evil monster is lurking in my body. I don't know what it all means and I am afraid it may be worse than I know yet.

I know I will be crying later once I know my family will not come in my room for the night. I am overcome with sadness for my mom and my son. It hurts so much I can hardly stand it. My mom is 88 years old and my son already lost his dad. It sucks.

Up until now I had hope that I could beat this thing but now that it has come back I know I cannot escape it. Whoops, I am crying. I know I will be strong, I took the news well. I still don't want to waste any time wallowing or feeling sad. Life is too precious.

I will get up tomorrow and go to my yoga class and I already have a date with a dear friend to see "Magic Mike" on Friday. Nothing like handsome young strippers to brighten my day.

I am so glad I have all of you. I could not make it without you. God bless all of you.

Karen

garden gal
Posts: 212
Joined: Nov 2010

I so hate to hear this, you can do this and like you I hate to tell my family bad news. seeing the fear on their faces just kills me. Thank you for the kind words about my son, hang in there. Never heard of magic mike but hope you have a great time. Please keep us posted on what is happening. athy

ktamp
Posts: 82
Joined: Dec 2011

I'm so sorry for the bad news. I don't post alot but I do visit every day and read what is going on. When I was diagnosed with colon cancer, I was living in thailand. I thought how am I going to be able to call my parents and tell them. When I am on the other side of the world and they can do nothing. 18 months later when I got the ovarian cancer news, my mom was with me. I hated to tell my dad I had another cancer. We are so close and I worry i am going to drive him into an early grave with my health problems. My son has taken it all very good. But sadly he is used to my being sick so it was nothing new for him. He is young (8) so we do not give him all the details.

I will be praying for you. In some ways I think chemo would be harder the second time around because you know just how bad it is. Chemo was the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life.

Gottalovelife
Posts: 45
Joined: Feb 2012

I know you have to be disappointed, it just doesn't make sense to me how we can feel so good and still have this disease in us. You know when your sick and you start medication to make you feel better, but we are feeling good and have to take medication that makes us sick and tired. But I know you can put those Big Girl Panties on and do it. Keeping you in my prayers and fight like a girl.
Cindy

Mwee's picture
Mwee
Posts: 1316
Joined: Nov 2009

and you don't need a stiff upper lip with us. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this, but it won't be like the first time. You have more knowledge and support. Damn is right, I so hate this disease!
(((HUGS))) Maria

Cindy Bear
Posts: 563
Joined: Jul 2009

I am sorry this was not the news you hoped for. Hang in there. You are a strong, brave woman, you can do this again.
Sending great big cyber hugs your way.
Cindy

davevg
Posts: 114
Joined: May 2011

The only words I could come up with is this sucks. I'm sorry you got bad news Karen.

Prayers to you all

Dave & Tina VG

2timothy1 7's picture
2timothy1 7
Posts: 336
Joined: Jan 2012

So sorry to hear this! Not an expert but have heard of liver tumor ablutions where laser burns the tumor or cryotherapy which freezes the tumor. Just wondering if this could be done on your tumors . It is outpatient. Radiologist does them. Just wondering.
Shawnna

lulu1010's picture
lulu1010
Posts: 367
Joined: Feb 2011

I am so sorry to hear this. I had only a 9 month remission and I so know the feeling of shattering hopes. I was more devastated with the recurrance than the first diagnosis. It has been 5 months now and I am on Doxil. I am feeling good and I have found that many women live long active lives with treatment. I pray you find peace and I know that you will get thru this again

mom2greatkids's picture
mom2greatkids
Posts: 512
Joined: Jun 2011

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this again... This disease is just terrible. Now that it appears as though I have a recurrence after nine month complete remission. I feel totally devastated too.

I have a friend stage 3c who was diagnosed 6 1/2 yrs. ago. She had a 2 yr. remission, but has been on chemo off and on ever since then. She has taken cruises, works full time, etc. She does what she wants. When she needs a break, her dr. gives her one, then when her number creeps up, she goes back on treatment. She knows that is now her life.

Carla

kimberly sue 63's picture
kimberly sue 63
Posts: 396
Joined: Apr 2012

I'm sorry Karen. It is hard to realize your back in the chemo game again. You are strong....you can do it again!! Kim

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1270
Joined: Jun 2010

I knew I could count on you. I am playing the waiting game again. It seems like that is all I have done since April.

I want to make some plans for summer but I don't know what the next step is and when it will start. I guess I'll make short-term plans for now.

I told one of my friends I wanted to have a "Karen's having chemo again so let's rock it out" party.

I went to yoga today and then had my car serviced while my mom and I went to lunch. Trying to live life, business as usual. I told my mom I don't want to tell people yet other than those who already know.

Karen

kimberly sue 63's picture
kimberly sue 63
Posts: 396
Joined: Apr 2012

You have the right attitude!! Live life. I believe that is the way to attack it. Some days we will be down and frustrated and that is ok; we deserve that time to morn.
Maybe you have time for a short little trip to relax, get mellow, and this will help with your new fight!! Hang in there!! one day at a time. Kim

myfmlyrox's picture
myfmlyrox
Posts: 7
Joined: Jun 2012

I am so sorry to hear your news, Karen, but am very happy and proud of you for your attitude. I know the feeling of not wanting to tell others about the new diagnosis, other than family. When I had my reoccurance over a year ago, I felt so defeated, and in some weird way, like I had let all of my friends and prayer warriors down some how. I was on chemo for 6 months before anyone at work knew, then Dr. changed the drug to one that made me lose my hair again. THEN it wasn't so easy to hide from friends and coworkers. Since I have shared the news and my maintenance chemo regimin with them, I find I get strength and courage from their support. People ask why I am still working - and my answer is always, I have to LIVE. Cancer and chemo may be my way of life now, but it doesn't dominate it like it did the first time around. In an odd way I try to think of this as a gift. People die all of the time in car accidents, etc...with no forewarning or time to plan, no time to tell people how much they mean to you. I know from the chemo when I will have bad days and good days, and make plans for the good days. When you find out what the plan of action is, make plans for the summer! Give yourself things to look forward to that make the fight worth while. Reward yourself for getting through another chemo, another day, week, month, and LIVE LIVE LIVE!!! My heart goes out to you, Karen. Keep fighting the fight, and wear those big girl panties with pride!!! Lots of prayers coming your way, too. Patti

AnneBehymer's picture
AnneBehymer
Posts: 739
Joined: Jul 2011

I just had my first reocance so I understand what you mean I hate putting my mom through this all over again. I am on Taxol and AMG 386 every week so far the only side effect is swealling and by the third week I had gain 25 lbs of water weight my legs felt like they were going to split open. My ONC put me on two water pills and in the first week I lost 12.5 lbs and then the next week only 3 lbs but at least it is going down. I will keep you in my prayers and hope you are ned really soon.

Much
Love, Hugs, and Prayers
Anne

kayandok
Posts: 1223
Joined: Jun 2008

I'm so sorry to hear this! This kind of news hits hard, I know.
Many prayers going up for you,
kathleen

phoenix23
Posts: 19
Joined: May 2012

I am so sorry to hear this Karen. You will be in my thoughts and prayers! Sending good vibes. Biggest hugs imaginable for you right now!

Phoenix

kayandok
Posts: 1223
Joined: Jun 2008

I am jumping on a bit late, I some how missed your post. I am sorry to hear about the delay and stress over getting the results back. Don't you just love doctors?! They tend to forget we have emotions about all this!

Wishing you the best in the new treatment plan. Keep us updated on how it goes.

Hugs,
kathleen

poopergirl14052's picture
poopergirl14052
Posts: 1155
Joined: Nov 2010

You have to go through this again....we are here for you any time. Not as good as male strippers but we will do.....Val

JoWin615's picture
JoWin615
Posts: 142
Joined: Feb 2011

So, as you can see from the above posts, many of us have been where you are today. You are so strong and supportive of others here, and I hope we can do the same for you. I have a really strong feeling that the chemo won't be as bad this time around. Here's hoping I'm right!

Cheers,
Jo

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1270
Joined: Jun 2010

Good news? for an update. It has me feeling very hopeful.

Thanks again all for your much appreciated support.

Karen

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