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Thanks Sangora (Sam) for posting and giving me courage to do the same, Lu

Callaloo's picture
Callaloo
Posts: 147
Joined: Nov 2010

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted. A lot has happened. I won’t bother with the details of the blood clots and blood transfusions, We all know how hard chemo is on the body. I was waiting for some bit of good news before posting again, but it never came.

The Taxotere stopped working. Then the doc wanted me to start Irinotecan, but I had planned a family vacation in the Caribbean. My husband and I have enjoyed the British Virgin Islands many times over the years, and now I wanted to share it with our loved ones. I rented a large villa and my son, his significant other, my sisters and a favorite cousin all joined us. It was a dream come true even though I wasn’t able to enjoy the beach the way I used to.

But putting off the chemo until after the trip had its price. I started chemo right after returning from vacation in mid-May and even after 4 rounds, it was obviously too late to stop the spread of the cancer. There doesn’t seem to be anything that will slow it down. I do not regret my choices though. I think I was able to give my family some good memories.

I think I have now reached the point of “enough is enough” and have decided to stop all chemo treatment. I’m meeting with home hospice (I feel very fortunate to live in a community that has an excellent home hospice program), and am coming to grips with this new development.

To be completely honest, I am not yet at peace with the turn of events. I feel I still have some fight left in me, but I realize the toll it’s taking on my body and my family, especially my dear husband. I owe a lot to Bailey here. Anyone who’s followed her ordeal and read her advice knows what I mean. I also want to give special thanks to Mr. Marshall for all you’ve done and all you will continue to do for everyone on this board.

I hope I find some peace once the hospice is in place. I am lucky to have some wonderful friends and family. I have a lot to be grateful for.

Sam, I think of you all the time and so glad you have found it in your heart to share your journey with the rest of us. I don’t know that I have that kind of strength.

May we all find the peace we all richly deserve, every one of us.

Lu
Stage IV, and fading fast

stephikindred's picture
stephikindred
Posts: 153
Joined: Mar 2012

Oh gosh Lu,
I'm not sure how to begin but let me start by saying I'm sorry about the turn of events for you. The first time I read through this I had to cry and come back to it later. I sure hate to hear this kind of news, it is just heartbreaking. But you are very courageous for posting it.

I think you did the right thing to take your trip and I'm glad you don't regret that decision. I'm sure your loved ones will cherish those memories with you always.

I do hope you find the peace you long for, and may you have many more memories to be made with your loved ones ahead of you.

Sending you blessings and love and positive thoughts!
Stephanie

Daisylin's picture
Daisylin
Posts: 380
Joined: May 2011

I am so very glad to hear from you, even though the news is not great. I've been thinking of you and your ongoing battle often. You were such an inspiration to me as I watched the beast steal my love. I am so sorry that things have taken a turn for the worst, and I certainly hope that hospice is able to give you freedom from pain as well as perhaps enabling you to enjoy some time with your loving family.

I am glad that you were able to have a nice vacation with your loved ones, sometimes the right decision has a price, and for what it's worth, you did make the right choice, as you already know. There always seems to come a time when you need to say no more chemo. It was the hardest choice Lee and I ever made, but the hopes of some quality time won in the end.

I wish you nothing but peace, acceptance and love at this time. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you continue your journey.

big big hugs,
Chantal

paul61's picture
paul61
Posts: 1106
Joined: Apr 2010

Lu,

I am so sorry to hear your latest update. I has been a while since we have heard from you and I was afraid the news would not be good. I applaud your courage and generosity in taking the trip with your family. The memories that you have created for you and your loved ones are priceless.

I hope the support of hospice can give you physical comfort and you will find the peace you are seeking. You will be in my prayers daily.

Best Regards,

Paul Adams
Grand Blanc, Michigan

DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
Two year survivor

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!

BMGky
Posts: 666
Joined: May 2010

What a wonderful trip and time together. Memories that comfort you now and will comfort your family forever. Hope you continue to have good care and comfort in dealing with the changes you are facing. Thank you for posting. BMGky

Bermudagirl
Posts: 120
Joined: Jun 2012

As someone who is just starting this journey with her partner, I thank you for your honesty and courage. I know what you are facing now is a possiblity that we could very well face down the road, and I hope that we have as much strength of character and grace as you clearly have shown. I too am so glad that you went on vacation with your family, and I wish you nothing but peace as you take the next steps. Sandy

bingbing2009
Posts: 179
Joined: Feb 2011

Lu, I have followed your story closely. My husband and I were just discussing you the other day, wondering how you were doing. We were worried about you since you hadn't posted in a long time.

I am sad to hear the news, but so very happy that you took the trip and made some wonderful memories.

As always, you remain in my thoughts and prayers. May hospice provide you with that much needed peace you mentioned.

Hugs,
Melinda

DX October 2009: T3N1M0
November and December 2009: chemo (Cisplatin and 5 FU) and radiation
February 2010: Ivor Lewis surgery

GerryS's picture
GerryS
Posts: 238
Joined: Aug 2010

Lu,
How hard it was to read your post although I so admire and respect your honesty and sincerity. I have nothing to add but just thank you and can assure you of my thought and prayers as you go on.

Gerry

cher76's picture
cher76
Posts: 302
Joined: Nov 2010

Lu,
I am so saddened to hear of your recent developments. I have rooted for you all along this journey, as your positive attitude and beautiful smile have brought comfort to so many of us here. Like you, we decided to take a week down at the beach with our family last September and it is a time we will cherish forever. Rickie had planned out his chemo schedule and told the doctor that there were some things he thought were more important than the chemo, like being at the beach with our family. The doctor understood completely and allowed him to carry on as he wished. I have often thought "what if he had stuck to the schedule and had the chemo on time? Would it have kept him here a little longer?" But I know that was not what he wanted. He wanted to live a quality life and live he did. It takes courage to fight the beast and it takes courage to end the fight. Like you, I know he felt he still had some fight left in him, but he looked around at us, his family, and saw the toll this disease was taking on all of us, and I know he wanted to spare us any more heartache. He knew I loved him enough to continue on caring for him forever, but he wanted our kids to be able to get on with their lives. And so because he loved them more than life itself, I think he chose to make peace with the enemy and end the battle.
I pray that you find peace and comfort in your decisions whatever they may be. Know that you are loved and cared about deeply,
Cheryl
wife of Rickie dx Oct. 2010 EC stage IV
mets to bones and brain
Deceased Jan. 4, 2012

Callaloo's picture
Callaloo
Posts: 147
Joined: Nov 2010

Your comments and good wishes mean a lot.

Lu

Ucsf_smile's picture
Ucsf_smile
Posts: 81
Joined: Sep 2011

Lu,
Thanks for being so courageous and speaking out about your condition. Maybe it's a nice outlet or relief in some sense to write it down and see it on the screen. Your strength and stories this past year have really helped me come to grips with my mom's fight. We're here for you.

ryckej1's picture
ryckej1
Posts: 29
Joined: Jun 2012

Thank you so much. I can only hope to god that I am as strong and brave as you when the time comes. You truely are incredible. I will be thinking of and praying for you all day today.

Jeremie

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