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I am not getting good news

antcat
Posts: 272
Joined: Jan 2011

Hi Ladies, had a CT scan 3 weeks agao while in hospital, although they didn't use the IV contrast they were checking for my hernia. Anyway, it showed my tumors are growing, but I knew that because I can actually feel them getting larger. Been thru Carboplatin alone & it did nothing this last time. Saw onc. last week, now he wants me to go on Avastin & Carboplatin. He said being that I'm on coumadin I run a high risk of a preforation with the Avastin & should take the shots in the stomach. I said to him, how can I go thru that when I told you I've had pains/cramps in my stomach, and why continue on carboplatin when it's clearly not working. Well he said to me, there's nothing else. I left his office very upset and spoke to my pcp who explained to me about the risks involved with Avastin & told me to think about it a couple of days. I know when I get the pains, it's when I eat 3 normal meals a day, but I've lost so much weight, I try to keep up my strength. My family is truly upset & I had to get a small transporter wheelchair to help me when I go shopping. I thought about what I was going to do & plan to tell my primary care tomorrow, which is "no more chemotherapy". It's not that I'm giving in the disease but I can't take the chemo, and disappointments any more. I wish I could be as strong as some of you ladies. I told my family of my decision & we realize what will happen, but if it's God's way of taking me, then that's what I want. I went shopping yesterday for a dress to wear & my family is going to start making arrangements for when it does happen. I plan to call the onc & tell him I'm not willing to risk a preforation as my pcp told me it's very bad. So, until it happens, I will just take one day at a time & hope and pray I'm not in too much pain at the end.

paris11
Posts: 132
Joined: Oct 2010

Hi Antcat,
I am so sorry that you have come to this moment. For over five years you have lived with grace and courage. I cannot imagine what you are feeling. But I wish peace for you and your family. I admire your strength.

Love,

Connie

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1267
Joined: Jun 2010

for what you are going through. Please do not think you are not strong. You are making a decision I don't think I would have the strength to make. I don't see it as giving in to the disease; I see it as taking control of what happens to you and not letting the disease make the choice.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. Please know how much you are cared for here. I am deeply moved as I write this. It's amazing how connected I feel with all the ladies on this board.

I wish you peace and I pray you will not have pain.

Karen

lovesanimals's picture
lovesanimals
Posts: 1227
Joined: Sep 2011

I am so sorry that you've suffered so much. I can only imagine how much strength and courage it took for you to make your decision. We are here to support you in anyway we can. Please post here, when you can, and know that I'm sending you prayers and big hugs.

Kelly

debrajo's picture
debrajo
Posts: 732
Joined: Sep 2011

Oh my dear, I am so so sorry! I think you are the bravest person I known. I hope your decission will bring you much peace and confort. To me, it's a great weight off my shoulders when I finaly make a decission. Enjoy your family and no doctors, treatments, and scans! Peace and confort to you and yours. best, debrajo

debrajo's picture
debrajo
Posts: 732
Joined: Sep 2011

Oh my dear, I am so so sorry! I think you are the bravest person I known. I hope your decission will bring you much peace and confort. To me, it's a great weight off my shoulders when I finaly make a decission. Enjoy your family and no doctors, treatments, and scans! Peace and confort to you and yours. best, debrajo

Cindy Bear
Posts: 560
Joined: Jul 2009

I think you are amazingly brave and wise. It takes courage and strength to go against the grain. To say enough is enough. Of course there's always hope. What about a clinical trial. I've heard some ladies here talk about high dose iv of vitamin C.Is that something you could look into.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, whatever you decide.

kimberly sue 63's picture
kimberly sue 63
Posts: 396
Joined: Apr 2012

Hang in there antcat! My thoughts are with you during the very difficult, but brave time for you. Kim

Pattyn
Posts: 45
Joined: Feb 2012

You are a true warrior and I will continue to pray for you and your family. God bless you........stay strong. Pattyn

angiedryden's picture
angiedryden
Posts: 58
Joined: Apr 2010

I think everyone has the right to make the choice that is right for them. My mom has been battling for over 2 yrs. She finished up 6 treatments in Feb from a recurrance which didn't do anything but make her weaker. To add to that she was diagnosed with Parkinsons last week and is now in a battle to get back to walking on her own...hopefully the meds the Dr. put her on will start working in the next few weeks. Then she has to see the oncologist at the end of this month to see what is next with fighting this beast called ovarian cancer. She said the other day if she had it to do over again she wouldn't have went through the last series of chemo because she feels so much worse...so that pretty much tells us when she goes back at the end of month she will refuse to take anymore chemo.
Like I said I think it is a choice each person has to make for themselves. If this is the decision she makes then we will accept it because it is HER choice not ours. I will pray for you and I hope the days ahead find you in less pain.

antcat
Posts: 272
Joined: Jan 2011

Thank you everyone for your kind replies, it measns alot and I appreciate all your support and guidance. I'll keep you posted.

Kaleena's picture
Kaleena
Posts: 1020
Joined: Nov 2009

Sending you hugs and prayers to give you the strength to make the decisions you need to make. Do you think a second opinion would help?

Antcat, don't ever think you don't have courage. As other posters have said, you have been through a lot. Sometimes you gain more strength when you take control and make all of the decisions.

((((Antcat))))

Kathy

mopar
Posts: 1948
Joined: May 2003

Sorry to hear you have reached a so-called 'impasse'. I agree with the other posts - is it possible to get a second opinion? It breaks my heart to hear of you planning 'final' wardrobe. As far as eating, would you consider a meal replacement shake? It's easier to digest, helps you to get good protein and liquids into your system, and nutrients too. Just pick a good quality product, and you can still have solids. Just thought it might make it easier for you.

You're such a fighter, a good Teal Warrior. You are strong, don't ever doubt that.

Sending lots of Prayers & Hugs,
Monika

kayandok
Posts: 1223
Joined: Jun 2008

you are very strong and brave! Prayers going up for you today.
Warm hugs,
kathleen

Mwee's picture
Mwee
Posts: 1316
Joined: Nov 2009

You are so very strong and brave. I can totally understand your choice to stop the chemo. We're right here for you, my girl............ ((((HUGS))) Maria

poopergirl14052's picture
poopergirl14052
Posts: 1148
Joined: Nov 2010

There must be another combo they can use. I guess I am being selfish but I hate to hear there are no more options. I truly pray you find peace and comfort under God.'s hands....Val

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