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The waiting game (update)

JoWin615's picture
JoWin615
Posts: 142
Joined: Feb 2011

Hi to all,

Today I finished my last bag of Gemzar, signaling the end (I hope) of my first recurrence. My CA-125 is 7. As I wait for my PET/CT scan on June 18, and then wait to hear the results at my doctor's appointment on June 21, I find myself musing about a few things.

Is it better to take a chemo break and give my body a rest, or do some kind of maintenance chemo to keep the cancer at bay? I am apparently handling chemo fairly well for my age (69 on June 15) - no real problems with blood levels, no drug allergies, etc. Just that eternal exhaustion, and pitifully thin hair! I have extreme faith in my gyn/onc and anxiously await his advice. I guess it will ultimately depend on the results of the scan. Sigh.

Again, I find myself having to deal with that sinking "what next" feeling, just like when I finished my first chemo treatments at exactly this time last year. Everyone says "Yay! It's over! Now you can get back to your normal life!" But we all know that life will never be normal again. I know that it's all relative, and trust me, I am SO grateful to be alive.

Thanks for listening and letting me whine. This board, with all its super-informed and understanding members, is worth thousands of therapy dollars!

Cheers,
Jo

mopar
Posts: 1950
Joined: May 2003

What a wonderful feeling to finish that last chemo. But I know how you feel about all the other things you have to deal with. In time, as you know, it will get better. I think we all find that we have a 'new normal', because we've been through so much and you just won't ever forget it. So, moving forward you take one day at a time, sometimes even one moment at a time. Everyday is a blessing to me. None of us know what tomorrow will bring.

You're not 'whining', Jo. And even if you were, this is the place to whine! We all understand.

Lots of Hugs, and Prayers for continued remission!

Monika

mopar
Posts: 1950
Joined: May 2003

What a wonderful feeling to finish that last chemo. But I know how you feel about all the other things you have to deal with. In time, as you know, it will get better. I think we all find that we have a 'new normal', because we've been through so much and you just won't ever forget it. So, moving forward you take one day at a time, sometimes even one moment at a time. Everyday is a blessing to me. None of us know what tomorrow will bring.

You're not 'whining', Jo. And even if you were, this is the place to whine! We all understand.

Lots of Hugs, and Prayers for continued remission!

Monika

lovesanimals's picture
lovesanimals
Posts: 1248
Joined: Sep 2011

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you get good results from your upcoming PET/CT scan. I know what you mean when you say that life will never be normal again and yet I too am so grateful to be alive. I'm fortunate to be currently NED but of course I still wonder if the cancer will come back and I also worry about the intestinal adhesions which recently caused a partial obstruction in my small intestine and had me in the hospital for two days. At the same time, I try to dismiss the worry by doing what Monika described: taking one day at a time and appreciating each day.

Wishing the best for all of us!

Kelly

Mwee's picture
Mwee
Posts: 1316
Joined: Nov 2009

I'm so happy to hear about your wonderful CA-125 numbers! Friends and family are always eager for things to return to normal after watching us go through such dramatic events as surgery and chemo. Unfortunately, we now have a new normal. I'm also so very grateful to be here, 6 years later, new normal and all! I love your Teal Walk picture and plan to walk in our local Teal There's a Cure walk, July 4th.
((((HUGS)))) Maria

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1270
Joined: Jun 2010

I hope your second remission lasts forever. I agree with everything the other ladies say. We are on a tough road but it's amazing to me to see the strength that we all have. I do worry about my family and friends. I hate the thought of putting them through it all again. That is why I don't talk much about "it" unless there is really something that needs to be talked about. I want to enjoy each day as much as I can and I want the same for those I love.

Karen

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